AIBU to be disappointed in this anniversary gift? Probably going to sound like an ungrateful cow here

I’m pretty sure you know that people often exchange anniversary gifts🤦‍♀️

My DH and I have only even given each other 1 anniversary gift. This was for 25 years, silver anniversary. He bought me some silver jewellery. I told him he would get an apple pie in silver foil tray. I did get him a silver cigarette lighter.

For our 40th anniversary my husband gave me a portable house dehumidifier. I thanked him. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. He’s absolutely hopeless at gifts.

You're absolutely right there. If both partners are happy with no gifts, it makes life so much easier! It must be tricky when there's a mismatch.

They didnt have the shoes. He bought something else. You would have been even more disappointed if you had got nothing. Yabu.

In a perfect world, we'd all be great gift-givers. In reality, it rarely works out that way. I'd be annoyed he couldn't follow a precise gift wish list, but try not to take it personally if he's generous and considerate in other ways (with his time, attention, etc). Return or exchange the perfume if you can or regift it, if possible. I'd probably tell him it wasn't the right type so he won't think you love it and make it a repeat gift. Next time, I'd honestly just shop for my own gift or go together. It's not romantic or a surprise that way, but not really much less so, if you're already telling him what you buy (no judgement on that; sometimes it's the only way).

We don’t do big gifts at all here we came to that agreement between us long ago. We do cards with a few nice words that actually mean something to us & a token gift like our favourite chocolate & we go for breakfast while the kids are in school.
I don’t know any husband that would make a mental note of presents bought for their mother in law. Sounds like he heard you talking about perfume for yourself at some stage & didn’t pick up on the fact you were after a particular one. He didn’t ignore the fact you wanted the runners but maybe didn’t think you would have them on time if he ordered online & wanted to be able to give you a physical gift on the day.
You sound a bit ungrateful TBH.

Nice meal out for an anniverary but never gifts

It sounds like he just couldnt be bothered. The items you wanted meant some work tracking them down so he took ghe easy and lazy way out.
I would have felt so unappreciated. It reminds me of the time my ex husband said he'd get me an engagement ring once we sorted our finances out. Of course it never happened.
So for our 10th anniversary I said its time we got the engagement ring.
Instead of getting me one he rifled through my jewellery box and found an old ring my godmother had left me in her will. I didnt wear it because it was too big for my finger and Im nor keen on it, its very old fashioned. He took it off to the jewellery shop and got them to clean it. That cost £20 I saw the receipt he left in the kitchen. He didnt get it resized either and he presented this as being suitable for my engagement ring.
I had done so much for him and given so much over the years this was just the last straw.

RUDE

Same. My husband is shit at giving, so I buy what I want rather than wait for him to not buy for me.

Works for us.

Adjust your mindset and life is less disappointing.

We don't buy or exchange anniversary gifts either.

It could be where I grew up but large anniversary gifts were not a thing at all. Neither of our parents exchanged sizeable gifts even when they could eventually afford it. We never did either.

What was typical was a bunch of flowers, a box of chocs or similar and a special dinner unless it was one of the big anniversaries (which was conventionally a piece of jewellery or similar and a bigger family dinner). It was an acknowledgement of another year together not a birthday.

It really doesn’t matter if you do large gifts or not - it only matters if there is a mismatch between the partners.

Buy your own trainers? If he can afford them then so can you? It’s your money. you are married

Agree. Trainers is a rubbish anniversary gift. I always go with what the year is - second anniversary this year so bought him cotton loungewear

So because you and your partner are useless, she should be grateful?

Just order the running shoes yourself and say to him let’s not bother in future!

So do we. Honestly comments like that just come across as sanctimonious sour grapes.

We often buy anniversary gifts and always go out for a meal or away for the night or longer AND we also appreciate each other throughout the year. It really is not an either/or situation

I agree with this @Miranda65
Why are you acting like you have never heard of anniversary gifts before? Mumsnet is so weird.
Raise the bar for yourself if you want but don't expect others to accept so little in life because you do 😬

I don’t think you are spoilt.

I would say to him, I really wanted those trainers and struggle to treat myself so am disappointed the opportunity to get them is missed. Point out you got him nice stuff he wanted whereas he got you the perfume your mum wears.

That will at least stop him doing it again.