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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about this?

831 replies

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 14:59

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 27/06/2026 15:29

Well luckily you've got lots of notice, it's not great but you can make other plans. Maybe you could find casual work over Christmas possibly getting over time rate, or volunteer. Or cook what you want, watch what you want on TV, have naps and have all the purple Quality Street to yourself.

dudsville · 27/06/2026 15:29

I agree with @Finchgold .

It must be so uncomfortable for you and your parents to behave normally around each other, they're really excited and you're really sad. That's really hard to square.

Meadowfinch · 27/06/2026 15:29

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:24

Nobody else I know will be solo. We don’t really have contact with any other family, that’s just how life has gone over the last few years

Show quote history

Then I'd book a few days in a mid-range hotel in Scotland or somewhere high like the peak district. You can have seasonal weather. Take a camera, join in the hotel activities, go walking or whatever you like to do. Get to know a new town or city. Have an adventure. 😊

Tonissister · 27/06/2026 15:28

You have time to come up with an alternative. How about booking a cheaper group adventure holiday over Christmas. Then you'll be celebrating together.

Or as PP said, look into volunteering.
Or look at MeetUp. I looked one Christmas and there was a big group of solos going for a walk in the park then having Christmas lunch together. It sounded lovely.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/06/2026 15:28

Eurgh. That’s a really shit way of speaking about it, have they offered to help out with costs for you to go?

I’m wondering if they generally favour your brother?

Original poster
justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:27

Finchgold · 27/06/2026 15:25

I don’t think anyone’s in the wrong here. You’re an adult and one day with a bit more perspective you’ll see that it’s not a big deal really. Just embrace the day , do things you love, get out a walk or a run or a cycle? then watch films with all the best Christmas food. Oh and buy yourself a good present. Not sure what’s stopping you getting a Christmas tree.

No I know they’re not being unreasonable as such, it just feels a little tone deaf almost? For them to be talking about how excited they are for the big Australian family Christmas, knowing I won’t be joining them

OP posts:
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 27/06/2026 15:26

Shrugging shoulders is unreasonable. I get why they are going but they should acknowledge your feelings and reassure you they will have fun with you at other times.

Finchgold · 27/06/2026 15:25

I don’t think anyone’s in the wrong here. You’re an adult and one day with a bit more perspective you’ll see that it’s not a big deal really. Just embrace the day , do things you love, get out a walk or a run or a cycle? then watch films with all the best Christmas food. Oh and buy yourself a good present. Not sure what’s stopping you getting a Christmas tree.

Larrythecatforpm · 27/06/2026 15:24

Book yourself christmas at a hotel.

Original poster
justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:24

Meadowfinch · 27/06/2026 15:22

That's pretty rubbish of them so I'd come up with a plan sharpish.

Do you have friends or relatives who you can stay with? Know anyone in Scotland where you can go for some seasonal fun & snow?

What about other friends who are on their own? Invite them to stay at your parent's house. While the cat's away, you could have a Christmas house party.

At least you have time to plan something lovely that is to your taste. See it as an opportunity. 😊

Nobody else I know will be solo. We don’t really have contact with any other family, that’s just how life has gone over the last few years

OP posts:
Original poster
justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:24

dudsville · 27/06/2026 15:23

Is this your first Christmas away from your parents? This sounds like the trip of a lifetime for them.

Yes it would be my first Christmas alone.

It may well be a trip of a lifetime but the way they’re phrasing it is almost as upsetting as the thought of being alone. “It’ll be a family Christmas” “what a lovely way to spend Christmas”, knowing full well I won’t be going with them.

OP posts:
Veronyk · 27/06/2026 15:23

I would be really hurt too.
Ideally, you should let yourself feel the hurt, then let the feeling go and plan an alternative Christmas with a friend. THere will be somebody else who wants to do something different this year.

dudsville · 27/06/2026 15:23

Is this your first Christmas away from your parents? This sounds like the trip of a lifetime for them.

Meadowfinch · 27/06/2026 15:22

That's pretty rubbish of them so I'd come up with a plan sharpish.

Do you have friends or relatives who you can stay with? Know anyone in Scotland where you can go for some seasonal fun & snow?

What about other friends who are on their own? Invite them to stay at your parent's house. While the cat's away, you could have a Christmas house party.

At least you have time to plan something lovely that is to your taste. See it as an opportunity. 😊

DollopOfFun · 27/06/2026 15:22

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:18

No, they’re both healthy in their 60s. He plans on going for a year or so, so he’d be back next year

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Healthy in their 60's is exactly the time for them to be doing stuff like this. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed for anybody.

I know it seems tough, but you are very young with hopefully a long time ahead of you. Next Christmas is still six months away, plenty of time for you to make plans

Original poster
justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:21

Marwoodsbigbreak · 27/06/2026 15:19

Surely if you live at home you are able to save enough to pay your own airfare and hotel between now and then?

Do you work full time?

You are an adult so I don’t think your parents are being unreasonable tbh.

Every spare penny is going into house savings, even if I were to save airfare it’s the extras - hotels, spending money and the minimum balance the government expects. It would be £4,000 to £5,000 and I just can’t justify that much on what would end up being a week long trip.

OP posts:
Marwoodsbigbreak · 27/06/2026 15:19

Surely if you live at home you are able to save enough to pay your own airfare and hotel between now and then?

Do you work full time?

You are an adult so I don’t think your parents are being unreasonable tbh.

changedglasscat · 27/06/2026 15:18

The key here might be allowing yourself to feel absolutely shit about it for just long enough to process it and then make some bloody brilliant plans and don’t let it suck you under…. No one is going to sort this except you so get planning and find a new way to do this Christmas just this once. Don’t get me wrong I can see it feels awful and you shouldn’t have to bury that or pretend but then find a way to let it go and have an adventure x

Original poster
justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:18

Darragon · 27/06/2026 15:17

Is it possible that this will be the last Christmas they will get to spend with your brother, this sounds like the trip of a lifetime? I think they are assuming you will be here forever. I don’t think YABU to be hurt but you can’t do anything to change their plans and you’ve said you can’t go with them so your next step is to plan your solo Christmas. It can be really free and peaceful if you go into it with the right mindset.

No, they’re both healthy in their 60s. He plans on going for a year or so, so he’d be back next year

OP posts:
Darragon · 27/06/2026 15:17

Is it possible that this will be the last Christmas they will get to spend with your brother, this sounds like the trip of a lifetime? I think they are assuming you will be here forever. I don’t think YABU to be hurt but you can’t do anything to change their plans and you’ve said you can’t go with them so your next step is to plan your solo Christmas. It can be really free and peaceful if you go into it with the right mindset.

Original poster
justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:17

I’d feel a bit awkward crashing a friend’s Christmas, they’re all with their families.

Going isn’t an option, I only have 8 days of leave left. It’s not worth flying down there for that short period of time. It’s also not just airfare, it’s the associated costs - hotels etc., which are at a premium around Christmas.

OP posts:
Pickledonion1999 · 27/06/2026 15:16

It's great to be saving to buy a home which is fine but you are in your 20's and there is plenty of time to save. Most young people don't get to buy a house until they are in their 30's. I would splash out on a ticket and go with them for however long your leave allows. You are young and need to enjoy life not just saving all your money. Even if you have to go just after christmas or early jan it will make christmas alone more bearable.

Tablesandchairs23 · 27/06/2026 15:13

You could volunteer for the day. Do you have friends you could spend it with.

24Dogcuddler · 27/06/2026 15:12

I’m sorry about this situation. The build up may be worse than the actual day. People talking about it at work etc.

You could start a My Christmas Day list
list all your favourite food drinks and snacks. Buy them in over the weeks leading up to it.
Make a playlist, choose festive films
Get new PJs and slippers etc
Have an indulgent bath and pamper.

Is there anyone nearby who will also be on their own or a friend who could pop by?
How about a church service I’m sure you’d be made welcome

You could volunteer somewhere like the Salvation Army

There is this Can’t imagine it will be miserable

https://sarahmillican.co.uk/joinin/

Well done saving for your own home.

Try to be happy for your parents. They will be back!

FeliciaFancybottom · 27/06/2026 15:11

Well, you have two options - mope around feeling sorry for yourself for the next six months or make plans with friends or something solo.