To feel sad about this?

Honestly, there seems to be a pretty toxic family dynamic here where your brother is the 'golden child' and you are the 'scapegoat'.

They also sound like the sort of parents that massively favour your brother, helping him financially and in other ways but when they get old and frail, will expect you to drop everything to care for them.

At some point in your life you will likely end up spending Christmas without your family around you. This is your time.

You do have choices. You can either spend the money and go with them or stay at home or with friends (if you have good friends the likelihood is they may invite you to spend Christmas Day with their family). There are lots of solo trips organised over Christmas too - walking holidays in the UK for people on their own etc.

My parents worked abroad for my 20s and I couldn’t take leave or afford to visit them at Christmas. I was fine. As you will be too. Look on this as an opportunity rather than a disaster.

I don’t blame you for being disappointed in the way they are talking about it as a ‘family Christmas’ but that would make me even more determined to do something positive, spend time with friends and move out at the earliest opportunity.

I completely agree with all of this.

What a nasty and patronising post.

You do realise the only family the OP is close to is her parents and brother? You expect her to plan a “different type of Christmas” whilst they’ll all be together after spending thousands on business class flights?

I’m assuming you’re not in your 20’s and have no idea what it’s like to try and save for a home on a low income?

I know it sounds odd, but change your mindset. I couldn't go to my families for Xmas one year and actually it was my fav christmas! I had the whole day to myself, not working, I read a book, had a 2hr bath with some posh smellies I treated myself to, watched Dr Who on telly and cooked myself a nice dinner.

Think of it as a 'me pamper day', rather than much else and you'll get through it just fine. Sorry your family are being unthinking.

Does he actually want your parents rocking up for two whole months, just 3 months after he’s arrived?

Most younger people would hate have very mixed feelings about that. Are they weirdly enmeshed?

Going somewhat against the grain here I feel it’s (more than) a bit shit.

He's not emigrating long term and they could choose to visit him at any period in the year he’s out there.

Framimg it as a family Christmas is bloody thoughtless and I think you have every right to be sad about that.

I wouldn’t do this to my adult children. I’d visit later in the year and I’d pay for my other child to come also.

I also think they are charging a hell of a lot in rent - no wonder they are talking about flying first class…

Personally I’d see this as a bit of a wake up call and an opportunity for a reset.

From what you’ve said you’re paying market rent anyway, so I’d move out asap and start forging a path to be more independent.

You might even be able to find a flat/house share and find out you are with people in a similar situation at Christmas and spend the day with them.

Otherwise I would tell your friends what’s happening. My DC’s friends are lovely and I’d have no problem with one of them spending Christmas with us (especially if the alternative was them being alone).

Hi op maybe tell them it’s great that they can go to Australia for Christmas but can they stop saying family Christmas because it’s not really with you being home alone btw the rent seems really high is it a massive house? It must be about a third of your income. I think that is something I would be more miffed about tbh.

I have a teenage daughter and honestly can't imagine behaving like this - as you say OP, it's not just the fact that they're going to Australia for 2 months but the fact that they're so excited and seemingly completely ignoring the fact you'll be left on your own seems insensitive at best. In their shoes I would have offered to pay for, or at least contribute to, flight costs for you.
I think your best option is to chat to some friends and I am sure you'll find that someone would be very happy to have an extra guest even though they're with their families.

My post about subsidy was before OP said what she’s paying for rent/bills/tax

£600 seems a lot, but we don’t know her parents’ financial and personal situations, preferences about living with adult DC vs alone, or the market rate for alternative options in OP’s area.

Unless there’s other context, eg OP’s brother being favourite, I still think OP is U about her parents taking this trip and it being over Christmas.

OP I don't think you are being U to be upset. While I can understand your parents wanting to see your brother, it is very thoughtless of them to leave you alone at Christmas and not to have even discussed it with you beforehand.

Of course inevitably on Mumsnet someone will come along and say you shouldn't have any feelings or aren't entitled to feel anything about it because your parents can do what they like. I see this in discussions re childcare, inheritance, spending more time with one set of GCs over the other etc as well.

It is the only relationship, that with your parents where you are expected to put up with all manner of bad behaviour, thoughtlessness, or downright meanness and soldier on with a smile and a thanks.

I know when I was in my 20s there wouldn't have been a ready bunch of friends who could take me in for Christmas or a Hallmark movie like volunteering I could just slot myself into. Friends had their own plans, lived in other cities/ towns or I was not close with their family. I loved my family Christmases in my 20s and would, like you, have been incredibly sad. Your parents can do whatever they like, but you will never forget it.

Yeah, that’s a shitty thing to say to you.

I think this is a good suggestion re negotiating the necessary leave with work. Honestly if your brother is only going to be there a year I’d be tempted to take advantage of the one-off opportunity for an Australian Christmas. If your relationship with your parents is good, could you also ask whether they could give you money towards the flight for a Christmas present, could you pay less rent for a few months so you can afford to come, etc. It all depends a bit what your relationship with your parents is actually like, it’s hard to tell from your posts. But if you all get on then surely a family Christmas all together in Australia is the optimal outcome for everyone?

Im the opposite to you, but over 20 years ive spent maybe 6/7 christmases away from my family. Either because of travelling /holiday/ escaping. I feel a little bad for my parents when i did go away over xmas time, but they never stopped me or made me feel bad. I enjoyed the christmases we had together.
Its nice for your parents to be able to travel for a few months and enjoy a different country for a few months. Maybe you could go somewhere else on holiday for a week if you dont want to be alone. Skiing in Europe, or group trip for 1 week to thailand or similar?
It does sojnd like they cohld have been a bit more sensitive with their comments, but i would use this time to enjoy freedom. Hey youll have the house to yourself for 2 months! Wow. A dream!!!!

How are her parents subsidising her if she is paying them £600 in rent which is the going rate for their area?

I don't know any parents who would charge their adult child rent at a market rate when they are saving to buy their own home.

That’s exactly what I was thinking.

It’s very sad for you. I don’t think that should stop them going though. You could do a Xmas in England too before they go - a day off work, Xmas day and games etc.

While I understand your sadness You do need to accept that they are entitled to live their own lives now you are adults.

Sometimes it just seems unfair.
My whole family went off to Australia for 5 weeks and left me and son behind because, in their words “even if we paid your air fairs, we don’t think we could tolerate ‘son’ that long”
(son autistic, me single parent at the time).
objectively they had taken me on many holidays as a kid and two with son and they just wanted a hassle free trip. With son there it would have all had to revolve around his needs. I get that as I wouldn’t choose it with non family (but I might tolerate it for only grandchild. )
i wasn’t overly fussed at the time as i knew it would be hard spending that much time with them.
they are reaping the rewards of their pick and choose attitude towards their disabled grandson as I see them as little as I can get away with (talk with my mum - she’s fine but utterly subsumed in drama triangle).

let them get on with it. This is your chance to plan something different. Lots of people don’t see family at Xmas.

You could always volunteer at somewhere like Crisis on Xmas Day. That will certainly take you out of yourself and enable you to appreciate the really lucky parts of your life.

Most families would happily welcome a friend over....it's just a few extra spuds, after all.
You are being a bit wet, OP..... people are making lots of great suggestions, but you're being relentlessly negative. You're 24 - at your age, I did everything I could to avoid having to spend Christmas with the Olds! You have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy, so grab it with both hands, rather than bleating about a cold house (and if a Christmas tree really bothers you, just buy one and have it delivered!).

Sorry posted twice

I voted YANBU because I can totally understand why you're upset. It's a shock and it sounds like they've been rather thoughtless and insensitive in how they've been discussing it.

That said, you've got plenty of time to make an alternative plan. It feels a bit like you're still a bit bamboozled by their announcement, but once you've had time to process I'm sure you'll be able to come up with something more appealing than 'sitting in a sad cold house alone' with no decorations (cos that sounds a bit like the teen in the news who said with no social media access she would just stare at a wall, and I'm sure that really you will be able to do better than that!). I know if any of my friends past or present was having Christmas alone they'd be very very welcome indeed at my family Christmas, no awkwardness at all. And we have in the past hosted people who had no other plans. Or you can just get some lovely food and spend the day relaxing at home. Or go to a hotel for the Christmas break, or volunteer, or a fabulous restaurant, or... anything really. There are lots of options, I just think you're not yet ready to really think about them because you're a bit shocked.

I think though that really you know you are being a bit unreasonable, but that's OK, I think you need a little time to process, and I do think your parents could have been more thoughtful and considerate about the discussion.

I don't think you ABU about feeling sad and left out but I do think you ABU about saying that, after this was announced today, that you cannot ask a single friend who will all be with their family. It's coming over a bit poor me and martyrish. You haven't asked anyone and I'm sure someone will either be in the same boat or willing to have you for lunch.

Maybe think about why you feel so left out, do your parents have form for favouring your brother?

Has your brother also been living at home and paying £600 a month rent? That seems extortionate. I get you'd be paying a similar amount to live independently, but surely the point of being at home is that you're paying significantly less? I can't see how you can possibly be costing your parents that much, so they must be profiting off you. Is charging that much a subtle way to get you to leave?

In terms of the holiday, if you did want to go, would your work consider 'lending' you a week of next year's leave early? A 2 week visit would be more sensible in view of the distance, and have lower associated costs. Could you stay with your brother to save on accommodation?

i understand how you feel, I’d be really hurt too. Would you consider getting a hospitality job over the Christmas period? You could earn extra money and be in convivial surroundings with a team and less time to think about how your Christmas usually is.