To feel sad about this?

You are allowed to feel sad, and I think you should tell your parents that every time they talk about a family Christmas it makes you feel like not part of the family. I'm not trying to squash down your valid feelings. Yes, it is sad to be alone at Christmas.

HOWEVER, apart from that I feel YABVU. Put on your big girl pants, rejoice with your parents in their big holiday, and organise yourself something to do. Arrange a Zoom call with them on one of the days.

A Christmas tree is not a life essential. Spend that money on fairy lights instead if you feel like it, and make yourself a magical grotto. (One of many ideas).

This is your big chance to volunteer somewhere and have a lovely Christmas yourself, making life better for others. Honestly, you can really enjoy doing this (speaking as someone who has spent many, many Christmasses doing just that). Or, if you can't face that, put on a happy face and go spend it with a friend.

If you really can't face any of the above, I want to know whether you have explored all the options. This includes asking work for leave in advance or unpaid leave, and asking your parents for a loan or contribution so that the cost minimises the effect on your savings.

And having said all that, I do appreciate that you've come on here to have a moan, which is totally one of the things MN is for, and you may be a very resourceful strong woman who has already had lots of positive ideas.

I think your feelings of being sad are completely justified and I’d feel the same. HOWEVER you attitude about it and the suggestions people are giving you are very “cup half empty” and painful to read. You 100% could get a cheap artificial tree to make it feel Christmassy. You could 100% make plans with others or look to going away yourself somewhere cheaper. You just don’t want to. Which is fine it’s your money and your life. You either suck it up and get on with it or you continue to feel butthurt and play the martyr to t try and punish your parents for “leaving you home alone”. You have 6 months to arrange a nice solo Christmas or you mope and sulk for 6 months feeling all resentful.

To also add my parents are in their 60s and since they retired was healthy and travelling all the time. My mum recently developed a condition and now is unlikely going to be able to go abroad again/be insured so go your parents for travelling while they can.

Stop being a diva. You can get a fake tree on Gumtree for about a tenner. You sound like an entitled brat. Make the most of it. Would you prefer your brother be alone rather than you? Get over yourself. How on earth will you ever live alone if you can’t cope with your parents going away??? Do you have no friends?

I think you have every right to feel disappointed. Spending Christmas on your own can be a daunting prospect, if it's the first time. You are in a position where you can't save and go to Australia (putting aside the lack of annual leave), so you have to choose which is more important to you.

I had the chance to go to America in my early 20's or buy my first car. I desperately wanted to go to America but I couldn't afford to do both. Yes, I could have chosen America but long-term it wasn't the sensible option. I opted to buy my car and forego the trip to America.

Saving is clearly the important option to you. So therefore you need to make peace with the fact your parents will be in Australia for Christmas. Ask friends if they will be with their families...you may be surprised, someone might be more than happy to spend Christmas with you or invite you for Christmas. If not, then figure out what you can do, instead.

If they don’t go and see their son, would you say they are favouring the daughter?

🫪

Are you not sorry that if they did that the son may be alone?

But you can imagine doing it to your son and not seeing him?

You are in your 20’s not a baby. Spend Xmas with friends. Ir use some of your savings to go. This is called adulting

I would get yourself a working holiday Visa and I would go with them
You’ll fall in love with Australia you young enough to get yourself permanent residency over there. They give so many more subsidies and helping hands to young people to get on the Property ladder in Australia and it’s actually doable on a single income.
I realise that this was not on your bingo card but there’s no reason why it can’t be the best thing that ever happens to your whole family

That is so rubbish for you and if you love Christmas I do it’s my favourite time of year and love being with family I wouldn’t dream of leaving a family member out it would really spoil it for me and it was your brothers choice to go so why are your parents picking him over you very unfair and I’d be upset and could never do that to one of my children they could go up before or after Christmas you are paying far to much rent in my opinion especially if they know you are saving for your own place can you talk to them or is the £600 per month financing their holidays

Christ, this is just getting silly. I’m 5’2”, I have a husband and children but I love Christmas more than him so every single year I put up and take down a 7 foot Christmas tree by myself. It is absolutely definitely possible. There are also many Christmas trees available under 6 foot. You are looking for problems. You are also being angry and rude to complete strangers on mumsnet because they are daring to disagree with you. You are now sounding like a toddler having a strop.

You don’t have to buy a 6 foot tree. You can buy a smaller one. Or if you really don’t feel like you could manage a real one on your own then if you’re going to be living alone in the future maybe now would be a good time to invest in an artificial one which you can then keep for when you move into your own place.

Hi OP I have 3 grown up children and know how difficult it is not to be able to see one of them at special times. I do think they are charging you a lot of rent considering they are not short of money. Do you think they would help you with the cost? Is there any possibility you could take some unpaid time off work? I know you want your own place but you also need to have a good life and make the most of opportunities to travel in your twenties x

Sorry but they sound horrible. It's understandable you feel like you do and I just hope you are able to get yourself sorted to have your own fulfilled life as soon as possible

I'm sorry that you're sad; but this is one of The Milestones of ADULTHOOD - Where the meaning of Christmas changes ( for some) During my time in Work, as Community Careworker, I ve seen countless people left alone, snd ignored, by family at Christmas. I'm now included and it's the worst time of year, instead of the best. So that's ADULT Christmas , it can be a Nightmare But it's ADULT CHRISTMAS , and for a lot of Grown up women: it's THEM WHO PROVIDE CHRISTMAS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY- it's All work. Christmas goes from MAGIC to NIGHTMARE as we grow up. For ime it's a Nightmare

I agree with this. Of course buting a house is sensible, but youre in your 20s and this buying a house thing is stopping you from going on holiday, stopping you from renting your own place... Your parents dont even particularly value homeownership so where has this obsession come from?

I don’t want to sound harsh, but it’s starting to sound like you don’t want to find a solution. You have to choose to find happiness in life. So you either decide to spend some of your savings and have a short adventure and join in, or you make alternative plans for yourself. The third option is to feel sorry for yourself, have a sad Christmas and take the fun from theirs…it sounds like you’re on that path, there is plenty of time left for you to reframe this for yourself though.

Yanbu and nor are they. Could you perhaps spend Christmas all together at a mid point (maybe somewhere in Asia) and then they go on to Australia with your brother? They sound well off so perhaps they could contribute towards your ticket as your Christmas gift?

I understand feeling a bit hurt, but being honest you are taking it too far. You are an adult, and your parents have worked hard to be able to take the trips they want.

Christmas is a long way off yet, plan to spend it with friends or something you would like to do. I suspect if you didn’t still live at home it may not of hit so hard,

your other option is to go out for a shorter period, economy class, and ask you brother if you can stay with him?

You’re only in your 20s and your texts red like a much older person. These are the precious years and to be so despondent. Maybe it’s a wake up call. You have tied yourself down with this deposit you’re saving for. So you’re going to buy a place and live there on your own it sounds like you’ll be more lonely than ever go and leave home move into a flat and share with some other people have a bit of fun and maybe buy a house later down the line when you have a partner.

It's the kind of thing my parents would do too, so I really sympathise. Around here, there is a lunch put on by a local businessman for people who will be alone at Christmas. It's not a charity event for homeless or whatever, it's just a lunch organised for people who would otherwise spend it alone - single people, widowed, elderly and isolated etc. Maybe put your feelers out and see if something like that exists in your area?

And then work on becoming more emotionally independent from your parents, because it doesn't sound like you're a priority for them. You need to build emotional resilience (even though none of this is your fault 💜 )

Edited to add -- you could go economy class just for a week, travelling separately to your parents, but tbh I wouldn't bother as you'll feel like an afterthought after all this.

Of course ynbu to feel sad. It sounds like there is more going on under the surface re family dynamics feeding into those feelings too. Equally, of course your parents are nbu to go to aus.

Could you put some of your savings each month (you’re lucky to save £600 per month, that’s fab) towards spending Xmas at a lovely spa like Ragdale Hall? There will be lots of people doing the same thing for a multitude of reasons, you wouldn’t be the only one alone. It would be something totally different, luxurious and special.

You sound more disappointed in yourself than your parents. Do you like your job? Do you like your life? Are you having any fun? Why is owning a house so important to you?

you CAN get a SMALL tree delivered. You CAN join a friend and their family for Christmas, don’t people have guests over for holiday meals?? You are just creating barriers and extra pitty for yourself. Be happy for your parents and stop hanging on the “family Christmas” comments…

Oh, OP, I feel for you and can hear the disappointment coming through. The excited talk about a “family Christmas” when you won’t even be there - it’s insensitive at best.

Of course your parents are free to go wherever/whenever they choose. But you’re allowed to feel sad about it and feel like they are, indeed, “choosing” your brother over you - the rational, adult part of your brain sees the facts, but the inner child feels the hurt.

If you look back and reflect, has your brother been the favourite? Is he the “golden balls” son? The fact that he’s been paying less rent to your parents than you have, because they see his saving for travel as a priority and more important than your saving for a house, suggests so.

£600 per month is a big chunk of your income - if they’re so comfortable then I don’t know why they take so much from you (I wouldn’t take anything from you in this situation, if you were my DD). It’s their choice, obviously, but I really think you should perhaps explore other options.

I know you’re not keen on a house share, but it feels like it might be a better option for you - put a bit of healthy distance between you and your parents, feel more independent etc? You’re still very young and should feel like you have the world at your feet, with opportunities to try different things, rather than saving every penny for a house deposit.

Perhaps have a think if there’s anything you fancy trying, because now it probably the best time, while you’re young, healthy and have no commitments. Travel/work abroad, learn a new skill or take a qualification in something just because it’s interesting, buy a narrowboat to live on, whatever?

Don’t limit yourself, is why I’m trying to say. But if the only thing you REALLY want to do is buy a house, then it sounds like you’re going about it then right way and doing pretty well. I know you’re working full time, but would you have any capacity to try a couple of evening shifts in a pub, or similar? (I did it when younger). The extra money would boost your savings and there’s a social aspect.

Regarding Xmas, well, it’s often a highly emotional and tricky time for people. It’s great that you had lovely Xmases in times past, but things change. Life is constant change,
and the only way to survive is to adapt (I know it sounds dramatic, but I’m getting older and have seen some ‘interesting times’). Like you, I had fabulous childhood Xmases, then grandparents died, then we had more lovely Xmases with my young DC, then parents died and my DD is almost grown. Things change, sad things happen, but we can still find enjoyment and happiness in different ways. The year I couldn’t face a huge tree, I bought a small real tree in a nice pot and decorated it solely with decorations I’d made/sewn and some tiny lights - I might do the same this year, as my lovely DM died last December and I don’t think Xmas will ever feel the same. I’d suggest you perhaps focus on making just one room nice and festive for yourself - little tree, pretty lights, whatever makes happy/cosy. You will feel the absence of your parents and brother, and it will be different, but that doesn’t mean it will be inherently bad or sad.

Whatever happens, you sound like a sensible, clever young woman and I wish you all the best with your saving and home-buying goal!