To feel sad about this?

Honestly, I can see why you are upset about them being tone deaf but you also come across as a bit of a martyr. There is no need for the house to be cold, you know how to put the heating on! And “apparently I’m not part of the family”- are you 13? Just have a frank conversation and tell them you’re hurt by their phrasing. It’s patently obvious they love you.

My parents would never do that to me, they'd be paying for my flight or spending it at home with me. I'd be pissed off too!

Can you not put up your parents decorations? Have a Christmas party before they go?

You could chill out on Christmas day with box sets and treats.

Don't use up your savings and well done for that. Buying a home does require sacrifices. It's just the one year.

If your parents have the time (retired?) I can totally see why they’d want to do it. Who knows what’s round the corner health wise and this is an opportunity for them to travel.
its June so you’ve plenty of time to plan something else. I often went skiing with friends over Christmas during my early 20s. Get something arranged.

We sit down to dinner, then do presents, sit and watch doctor who and telly before bed.

I hate to break it to you OP but there is no Dr Who planned for this Christmas..

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c621ln7vx7qo

But that’s a good thing, right, as you won’t be missing out on watching it with your parents.

My dh experienced similar when he lived at home. Parents announced months earlier that they were going away with BIL and SIL for Christmas, leaving him home alone. There was no way dh could afford to go and they all knew it, so he resigned himself to Christmas alone. Prior to that BIL and SIL had always gone to her parent's at Christmas and there was only dh and his parents together every Christmas day, so he was even more hurt getting "dumped" by them as they were well aware that he would be left home alone. However, he met me in the Autumn and my wonderful mum, on hearing he was going to be alone, invited him to join us for Christmas day, which he did and has done every Christmas day thereafter. To top it off, SIL decided she wanted to see her parents as usual on Christmas day, so her and BIL cancelled their plans to go away with his parents and it ended up just the two of them at home on Christmas day. They actually had the nerve to say they were quite hurt that dh chose to spend Christmas day with my family! Since then, we've never felt any obligation to spend Christmas day with them, as they were the ones who "changed the goalposts" in the first place, even though it didn't quite turn out as they expected. If I was you, I'd plan a lovely day alone, with all your favourite food and drink, watch a couple of films and treat yourself to a new book/magazine and just enjoy yourself. I certainly wouldn't sit in a cold house, I'd be whacking the heating on full blast if it's their gas bill. There might come a time in the future when you want to make other plans not including them on Christmas day and now you know you can go ahead without feeling guilty.

and here come the curmudgeons

Try to see it as an opportunity to mix things up a bit and do something completely different with the leave that you have.

Spend time planning what that might be - use your initiative!
You are young and should be flexible enough to take on board one Christmas which will not follow the usual routine with the usual people?

I'd feel hurt by this, too. I think all you can do is plan a nice Christmas by yourself or see if you can spend some time with friends. Maybe see it as a day to relax etc rather than thinking of it as Christmas. On the plus side, given that they haven't shown any concern for how you spend it this year then you shouldn't feel guilty for doing your own thing for Christmas in future if you want to.

Reframe your thinking here, yes it is a shame that you won't do Christmas with your family, and Christmas will feel a little different this year, but don't write it off just yet.
Let's be honest here, even if you did go, even for part of the time you will be using valuable money from your deposit to do so.

Now
You are working xmas eve and are working in between xmas and new year anyway so it is just a couple of days.

I'm quite comfortable in my own space if I had xmas alone it would be pj's, pizza and binging a box set or super cheesy xmas movie!!
You could have a virtual xmas lunch with them all? I know that would depend on how the time difference works out.
Or maybe reach out to others in your local community that may also be spending Christmas alone? Even offer up some volunteering somewhere like a homeless shelter or residential home.

Of course get a tree! Even if it's a artificial one if you feel that it would be a little upsetting getting it alone.

You can still have a lovely time!

So your brother's only there for a year. Your parents want to go for Christmas in that year. You think they should stay at home with you, except you'll be at work most of the time. OK.

It’s very thoughtless of them to not consider you.

I get it. It’s the ‘family Christmas’ comment that’s the issue. Your bother is also not treated the same way as you with how much rent you pay.

Are there other things like that in the way your parents treat both of you differently too?

I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel hurt by the way they expressed this OP. Perhaps their excitement and enthusiasm meant they did not stop to think about the impact on you.

I am Australian and have a sibling who is also UK based. I was not able to go back for Christmas every year due to job and similar Annual Leave issues. The shortest visit I made was 2 weeks and that was brutal jet lag wise. Sibling was able to go at Christmas due to job. My parents were always sad I couldn't be there. We Skyped regularly. I did do what other PP have suggested and went on a short adventure so that I was away. I understand this is difficult, if you want to save.
I also understand not wanting to intrude on others' Christmases - that said, growing up, we often had people over who were far from home/no family, and I think people are generous and welcoming.
I think just sit with the upset for a bit and try to express it to your parents, if you can but make some plans so you can say that you will be doing x, y or z.
I went to some fab places at Christmas with people who, for various reasons, wanted to avoid it. One year, I was invited to a friend and one year I spent it at home on my own.
I hope you can find a way to make this Christmas a bit special for yourself in spite of this

Gosh you are sounding like a petulant brat given you’re saying your bro is only going for a year or so.
Thus your parents should take every opportunity to travel while they can, given the distance involved here. Life is short!

You should be happy for them instead you feel grievance.
And ……when you reference your £600 rent being comparable to local rates, you likely forget yours is inclusive of council tax / heat/ light/ water/ food/ home maintenance/ cleaning/ laundry etc etc.

Why should the OP be more important to her parents than their son? Depending on the health etc they may feel there won't be another opportunity. The OP will have them for the rest of the year/years, it sounds like she's the uncaring one. if there has to be one, wanting to be the centre of the family.

Not RTFT but I think your friends' families might be delighted to have an extra at the table for Xmas or Boxing day. My sister has had an extra these past 2 Christmases as niece had friends from uni who live overseas & couldn't travel home. She said it was really great to have them.

We also have a big Boxing day with all of us, & have had various friends/ partners of whoever join in the general madness/ buffet/ silly games. If you don't put it out there & see if someone is up for that, you'll never know.

OP, you will have almost six months to get used to the idea. I've had to spend a few Christmases away from family for reasons that could not be helped. I got over it by planning a really good time for myself. All my favourite food and drinks, outings, Christmas Markets, Christmas films to rewatch etc. The day does pass quite quickly

TBF AI is an echo chamber that tells you what you want to hear. It’s not bad advice, as sometimes that’s nice, but be mindful when AI is telling you you’re right, it is programmed to do that

That’s the feeling I’m getting, obviously they’re not unreasonable to go away over Christmas so there’s a few sprinkles of embellishment to make them look bad too. But that’s obviously a guess and I’m probably just being ungenerous

Hey, justalittlesad, I usually don’t post on here, I just read the posts instead and don’t comment (have done for about 15 years!), but I felt I really had to say something. I’ve noticed that Mumsnet is getting more and more arsey, and has done for several years. No idea why this is happening but it’s been getting worse. So I see lots of people trying to prove you wrong, suggest that you are over reacting, justifying the other side or pulling your lifestyle choices apart. This happens so often now on Mumsnet, I actually wonder if it’s causing some quite severe mental health problems in the population that read it. It actually nearly sent me into a downward spiral when I was trying and failing to breastfeed years ago, but that’s another story…

I actually find that using one of the AI systems to ask about problems is now more empathetic and understanding than real people on here.

Anyway, I totally understand where you’re coming from and I’d be very hurt by this too. It’s like your family have discarded your presence and told you you aren’t really part of their family. Their description of a family Christmas must really sting. Are they usually so much in favour of your brother rather than you? At best they are just not thinking and haven’t considered what this looks like to you.

Like you say, it doesn’t seem like you are going to be able to go with them. So I suggest your best bet is to feel justifiably sad for a while that this has happened, then come up with a plan to make the most of the situation. I’m going to suggest you do something but it might sound bonkers… give it a try. It’ll cost you a bit (let’s say £50-£100) but that’s a small price compared to an air fare to Australia.

Get a pen and paper. Try to image you are a friend and you yourself are another person. Think about some things that your ‘friend’ (you) would really like if they were feeling a bit sad and needed cheering up. A swim? A hot bath? An evening with a book, or an opportunity to sleep till 1pm? Whatever it is, write it down. Then get yourself over to a supermarket or discount store (something like B&M bargains or the like). Go around picking up lots of little bits and pieces that you fancy. Anything you like: a face mask, a new shampoo, a packet of your favourite noodles or a chocolate bar? Put it in your basket. Then buy some cheap tissue paper and one of their big bags. At home, roughly wrap all the items you have chosen and put them in the bag, then seal the bag and put it somewhere out of the way with the list. On your calendar, make a note around Christmas to ‘Open Bag’. By the time Christmas comes around, you will have forgotten half the things in the bag and it will be a little gift bag just for you… from you.

During Christmas, make sure you work through the list you wrote and tick off the nice things you wrote down as you do them. It’s bonkers but you will be putting yourself first, which is a very important thing to do.

i agree that volunteering could be good too. If there’s something you find that you could do, that would be positive.

i really hope this hasn’t knocked your confidence too much. You are doing a grand job with saving up, and I hope that you get your own place in the not too distant future and can enjoy your own little sanctuary.

Take care!

I understand feeling sad about it, but honestly this sounds like the trip of a lifetime for them, particularly if your brother is only going to be in Aus for a year. This is exactly the type of thing everyone looks forward to their whole lives while working and raising kids etc. It’s one year. You’re in your 20s, you’re a grown woman. You will be okay and will have plenty more christmases to celebrate with them in future. I have tried putting myself in your shoes and yes I’d feel sad about being alone for one Xmas but overall I’d be so happy and excited for them. You’re not BU to be sad about it, but you would BU and honestly a bit selfish if you kicked up a fuss about it.

Thank you! I plan to copy your list, sounds great xx

I completely understand how you feel. I have a reputation in my family for hating Christmas, but the truth is I don’t hate Christmas at all. What I struggle with is what years of family experiences have made it represent.

When I was a teenager, my parents became long-term foster carers. While I understand why they did it, I often felt as though I stopped being a daughter and became more like a family friend. God forbid you complain you run this risk of being told your especially selfish and self-centred.

Over the years there were Christmases where foster children were included in holidays and trips while my own family and I were left behind - I’d say maybe 6 out of last ten years.

One year my parents went away with the foster family and didn’t even call us on Christmas Day because they were at sea. Consider all foster children are now adults ….

I don’t have any wider family outside of my in-laws, so those things hurt more than people probably realise.

Over time I’ve had to accept that because I’m independent and have built my own family, I’m often seen as not needing anyone. But being independent doesn’t mean you don’t want to feel included.

So when people say, “Just enjoy Christmas,” they often don’t understand that for some of us it comes with a lot of sadness and disappointment and frankly loneliness.

Sending you a hug. Being left behind while the rest of the family spends the holidays elsewhere is incredibly painful, and your feelings are completely understandable. I have found making my own plans keeping busy really helps - as does blocking social media photos of matching ‘Christmas PJ’ photos and hashtags

That's sounds really thoughtless op in sorry. Could you get a small tree, or get one with your parents before they go? Another option is a fake tree, although I know the tree isn't the main point.