To feel sad about this?

She could ask her employer if she could take some unpaid leave. I've never met an employer who has said no with enough notice.

OP said she has 8 days, which coupled with weekends and bank holidays - is a decent enough amount of time.

Not true. She doesn’t have enough annual leave.

She can go. She’s made a choice not to.

She is invited, just doesn’t want to pay or take leave.. so if she’s not going her parents shouldn’t either apparently?

Do you not understand that you can stand on a chair or ladder? You do seem a bit dim….

I’d expect that my child who wants me to come and spend Christmas with them would also invite their sibling.
I don’t think it matters where people live, lots of people travel to spend time with loved ones at Christmas time.

Hi @justalittlesad

i think you are entitled to feel sad about this.
but there is some time to sort out a plan.

some of my single mum friends have struggled when their kids have gone to their exes at xmas and theyve been on their own.

They have joined friends or gone on breaks. One went to Iceland. Another volunteered in a shelter for homeless and others joined friends on the day.

please dont think there's only two choices. There is time to research more options and it could end up being exciting x

OP when the time comes you’re gonna be too busy partying to care about a tree and Christmas dinner! You’re young - enjoy all the works dos, nights out with mates etc 🥂

No I'm not, I've said she can be upset, not that she needs anyone's permission.
I'm challenging all the commentators saying her parents should either pay for her to join them or stay at home. As she doesn't want to go (thinks it's not worth taking the leave) that's really implying her parents should stay at home to appease her.
I'm 31 and OP is in her 20s (so could even be 29). I remember how I felt in my 20s and I didn't feel entitled to my parents money, or entitled to force them to only spend time with me and not my siblings.
I've also asked others who think she's is entitled to those things when does it stop - which is apparently never.

And you're acting like she's not allowed to be upset at the situation. She's still young, isn't used to being alone at christmas and was struggling to come to terms with how her parents were treating her. I've posted earlier in the thread that friends would probably welcome her for christmas, but that doesn't make it easier for her to ask! Think back to how you'd have felt in your early 20s if this had happened to you, and you felt awkward asking things of other people, before you became a bitter old (I assume) woman.

Those aren't her only choices. Ask to join friends, organise a friend Christmas, volunteer, go on holiday etc. Or embrace Christmas alone.

You are acting like she has no agency. She has chosen to spend Christmas in her home town.

Yes, I do find that mean, but it seems like it was only for one day, for which part of it they thought she could join, so there may have been confusion.

It's not really much of a choice though is it? Be alone at christmas or spend thousands to join her family and use up all her annual leave to be jetlagged for the majority of the time. Neither are good options, but the latter is a ridiculous option.
The brother chose to go to Australia, she didn't choose for him to go. His choice is the catalyst, not hers.
The parents are being selfish calling it a "family christmas" when they know OP can't go. That's what she's most upset about, which anyone would be when their immediate family isn't including them in the family!

When I say "chose to be alone" I mean away from the family. He chose to go to Australia and be away from family for at least a bit.... I suppose it is indeed possible that he only organised the trip because his parents promised they would spend Christmas out there with him (maybe he also couldn't cope without them at Christmas) - it takes all sorts!

Edited because I managed to miss the quote! When I say "chose to be alone" I mean away from the family. He chose to go to Australia and be away from family for at least a bit.... I suppose it is indeed possible that he only organised the trip because his parents promised they would spend Christmas out there with him (maybe he also couldn't cope without them at Christmas) - it takes all sorts!

@justalittlesad, I hope you’re ok, you've not posted for a few days.
I’m with the posters who feel that these events indicate parental favouritism of your brother - please don’t feel that this makes you a disappointment, it’s an unhealthy family dynamic which, as PPs have said, you can find support for on the Stately Homes thread in Relationships.
If your parents are going away for 2 months, I imagine they are relying on you to house sit as insurance generally requires a house not to be left unoccupied for more than 30 days or so. Therefore reduced rent would be applicable.
If you say this, and they refuse, maybe it’s time for you to find a local flat/house share ( will be cheaper than solo renting) and make this the catalyst for you moving out and leaving them to it, ideally before they go. You are more than their cash cow, and it’s about time they realised this. Good luck

He didn't chose to be alone. He chose to go to Australia, and she has chosen to stay at home. Now she is choosing to be alone, she could go with them or she could organise something else in the next 6 months until Christmas.

I feel for you, OP. I'm from a family where the boy was favoured, it didn't mean my parents didn't love me, just that his happiness came first.

I think next time your parents mention the 'family Christmas ', I'd point out that it's not a family Christmas, because you won't be there; you'll be on your own.

I also get it's not about the tree or the friends or any of those things. You're hurt your parents haven't considered you or your feelings. It's sucky behaviour.

Op, if you’re still reading this I think you’ve been really unfairly given a hard time.

The issue is not that your parents are going away and you’ll be alone. It’s how they are talking about it (in front of you) and I think if they were honest most of the people giving you a hard time would be upset by this attitude too.

Your parents seem to favour your brother, and the way they are talking is confronting you unavoidably with that fact. You said you feel like a disappointment and that is awful. You said they just shrugged when you said you wouldn’t be able to go and that’s awful too.

I wonder if you could spare some of your money for therapy as it sounds like there is likely more to this family dynamic and this incident has just shone a light on it for you.

All that said, I would buy a small tree - one year when I lived somewhere too small
for a “proper” tree, I bought a little potted one and decorated it and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it! Little lights, tiny baubles - it was fun.

Treat Christmas this year as a time where you will show yourself the love your family don’t seem able to show you.

What about a couple of festive dates from dating apps? You won't be the only one at a loose end around xmas.

Volunteering like others have said could be a plan too. I work in a day centre for the homeless and I know making the day even a little bit better for the most vulnerable and marginalised will make you feel better.

Im working this year so will be having my Yule on a different day. I move it most years because I have shared custody with one of my children living with the other parent plus two of my children being adults with their own lives. They make the effort for their youngest siblings but its rarely on the 25th Dec (or the 21st/22 nd for Yule) its usually the 24th or the 26th.

Or another idea that has popped into my head does any of your friends or family have a dog you like, that would keep you busier and give you cuddles?²

But the OP feels she doesn’t have enough annual leave left, and that there is also the cost of accommodation to consider.

If I was OP and was worried about being alone at home while everyone else is having cosy Christmases, I would book a 4 or 5 day trip to the Canaries and just have a non-Christmas there.

OP’s parents should pay for her to go first class, and standard themselves. That would solve the financial issue

Just use some of your savings and go!

The thing is we only get one side of a story on MN.
We don't know whether the parents supported her financially though uni (and maybe the brother didn't go) so this is there chance to even things out.
We also don't know whether they will make a contribution to the house fund. Maybe once she has saved a reasonable amount they will turn around and say they will add to it to ensure she has the deposit covered.

She really isn't saving a tidy sum by living with her parents as they charge her rent at market rates for their area. She also buys her own food.

I presume that if they had been a bit more sensitive to their daughter's feelings by not raving about having an amazing 'family Christmas' in front OP, she wouldn't have been so upset.

It's also clear that her parents favour her brother as they charged him lower rent so he could save for his Australia trip but offered no such 'discount' for their younger child so that she can save to buy her own home.

The thing is, one chose to be alone. From experience, it's also infinitely easier to be travelling with lots of other solo travellers at Christmas (added bonus of it being nearly summer and party season where people are spending lots of time gathering outdoors) than it is to be alone at home where the culture is extremely insular at that time of year. Don't get me wrong, I think OP should be able to manage either way, I just don't blame her for being sad. If parents were concerned about choosing between one child or the other to not leave alone at Christmas, it's not an even set of circumstances to choose between. The fact is they're wanting the holiday, which is fine, but I don't think anyone gets to argue the case that the son would be as put out as the daughter for spending Christmas without the family.