AIBU to want to give my uni daughter "pocket money"

It's easy to say get a job, but university is not a hobby it is a full time job. If she can get a job in the summer holidays it would be good, but she also needs a break too. If you can afford pocket money I would do it. My DD was living away from home and I did give her so much a term extra as spending money.

There is a balance between cutting your child off completely and utterly spoiling them. There is still generally work to be found in the holidays and despite the attempt to claim otherwise employers do like to see that students have had experience of working and with a variety of people. Those of my child's friends who had never worked were generally spoilt and had an attitude you'd need to knock out fast if you employed them.

Most places now won’t take on under 18s I know friends and family members who have come up against the same issue. I remember Dunnes used to employ over 16
year olds as half of the sixth year at our local secondary were at the large Dunnes across from it but those days are gone. However that age issue won’t affect the OPs dd.

yes she’s an adult. But she’s in fulltime education. Is your husband not her father ? He’s being very mean.
my parents paid for everything for me whilst I was at uni and I will forever appreciate it. I was able to study and achieve without financial worry. I will do the same for my own three children.

@Doteycat I agree with all the examples you've given, but in this instance, it does sound as if she'll need to get some sort of paid work.

@ChantsHinch Your DD might want to look into jobs at her university. My DD mentors first and second-year students, plus she's working on a research project. Just a few hours each week during term time. We cover her living expenses, but this gives her a little extra and looks good on her CV.

Edit to say that my DH was less generously inclined than I was when DD started uni as he'd had to work throughout his degree. Once she landed her first job there through sheer determination, he changed his mind. You have to push for research experience as an undergraduate, but once you prove yourself, more can come your way. Good luck to your DD, it's an exciting time!

I’m in Ireland. I was in uni 20 years ago. I had a friend who lived with her parents in the same circumstances so no food or bills to pay for. They gave her 350 euro a month at the time and she’d to get her bus money out of that. Enough for incidentals and then a job for any fun money. However I would say casual jobs aren’t that easy to get any more whereas in the old days we could nearly choose. I think cutting her off completely is mean. The uni years are a buffer where you learn these things. Her job for now is being a student so she can have good opportunities in a few years.

Working with the public - volunteering with the homeless charity. Volunteering with the breakfast club in uni food drive.
Doesnt need a pt job to demonstrate this.

Managing time - clearly able to demonstrate within their volunteer work, sport training, just by getting the degree.
Doesnt need a pt job to show this.

Managers and colleagues.
See above.

Working as a team.
See above.

A willingness to stick to something and not being distracted?
Now youre just being rediculolus.

Its entirely possible to land very very good jobs in their chosen field withiut having worked a pt job.
Many many ways to show life skills besides a job in some pub.

Then, at 21 (or older if a longer course), they will be applying for jobs along with people who do have experience at

• working with the public
• managing their time / turning up when they should
• dealing with managers and colleagues
• working as part of a team with people of all ages
• willingness to commit to the work contract eeven when other distractions are more attractive

Part of our role as parents is to help provide our dc with all sorts of skills, and working gives young adults all sorts of soft skills that are useful when they come to apply for jobs after University.

Absolutely not.
This is an appalling attitude
Wtf is wrong with people.

And is it that easy for a teen to find a job where you live? Mine, like most of her friends, has been looking for work all through TY and 5th year and has only found 2 short term positions lasting a couple of weeks. The only ones that have found work are those that found something through family connections

We started our DD on £20/week pocket money when she started at secondary school, the idea being it was enough to have lunch at school every day with a little left over or take packed lunch (she made it but we provided the ingredients) and keep the £20. She’s about to graduate and is still getting the £20 every week - she said at times it really helped as no matter how over budget her weekend, she had money to buy food on a Monday. I’ve jokingly said we’ll carry it on forever, —dh disagrees— but realistically as she has no job, it wont stop any time soon. This was separate to the uni support we provided by paying her rent so she could live off her student loan (we also pay for her phone)

I did what I could for both my DDs when they were at Uni. They both had part time jobs, but I still helped them, so they didn’t worry about paying rent and bills, so they had money to spend on themselves and enjoying life, never regretted it.

I deposit £25 per week into DD’s account. DH does the same. In the grand scheme of things it’s not a vast amount but allows her a measure of flexibility. She sometimes even spends it on the train fare home.

In England students living at home can still get a maintenence loan for up to £9000 to cover their living costs. So your DH's position seems quite mean in comparison. Personally I would still see her as a child in your household for financial purposes since she's still in full time education and cover all her needs as a minimum (i.e. clothes, travel, laptop, food, toiletries, medication) and something towards eating out, socialising, joining clubs, the gym or other sports etc depending on how much she can realistically earn from a job without impacting her studies.

My dd lives at home and has a job but I give her a bit of extra money. If I have money I’ll always give some to my children. They all work hard and I think it’s lovely to be able to bring something nice to their lives.

When my dc went to uni we gave them £200 per month for food/travel. They got jobs for fun stuff

If I had the means to financially support my adult child through university, and it meant they wouldn’t have to get a part time job, I 100% would. That way she can focus on her studies, placements etc (if the degree includes this). I think it’s nice to help if you have the means.

Pay for her food at home, and travel to uni. The rest she needs to get a job to cover.

Not really, parents still expected to fund living due to the means testing of the maintenance loan

Student jobs are not hard to get in Ireland (Dublin) in my experience. My son’s friend group have jobs in the big supermarkets, Centra, coffee shops, restaurants, gyms, golf clubs, pubs. Cannot think of a single one of them who doesn’t have a job.

If she is sensible and spends it on her education and not drink/drugs etc I would (if I could afford it) be relatively generous and give an allowance for mobile, books/materials, clothes etc.

That is very harsh, jobs are increasingly hard to come by. Think of how she'll feel amongst peers.How will she afford travel, food during the day, books, basics.

We're planning for up to 2800 in fees, 250 a month for travel and an allowance of 150 to 200.

We are very generous towards our Dds.
I feel that life is hard enough for them without us being so regimented with money . You do what feels right @ChantsHinch follow your instincts .

I didn't work while at uni. But I worked in the holidays. Is your husband your daughters dad? I think m je is being unreasonable. Uni is still full-time education. My Dad paid my rent and gave me £45 a week on top of my loan.

Agree some courses very few hours. My dd in vetenary alot is placement hours not big windows to work. She in her dads for summer so bit money for her