To wonder when people got so selfish

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I agree with this. We were raised to be mindful of others, but we were also allowed to be kids. We didn’t have to always listen to the grumpy couple who lived at nr 7, yelling at us to be quiet, but we did have to make sure we didn’t needlessly wind them up. Barking dogs have been a problem for ever but now people get upset if they hear any dog barking at all. My dog barks whenever she sees my neighbour on one side (he’s a weird fekker) and at my other neighbour’s dog who winds her up through the fence. I let her do it a couple of times, but then call her away. I don’t want her to have to be completely silent, she is allowed to protect her domain. If that bothers anyone, tough. It doesn’t happen all day, and it doesn’t happen every day.

As always, the “people these days” comments are based on a rose tinted glasses view of the “good” old days, a time which didn’t exist.

I think a lot of people have become much more sensitive since covid. It seems to have given some people the false impression that they can control what everyone does at all times.

Yes to all that, but also the lack of any meaningful enforcement. The anti social people know that they're unlikely to be challenged or punished. Whether it's loud music, dog barking, kids screaming, noisy building work, or littering, parking on pavements, speeding, etc. Virtually no enforcement anymore.

But poor training of a dog IS selfishness. Parents throwing their kids out at 5am IS selfish. Both because the owners/parents can't be bothered with training/looking after them.

You can get conversion adaptors from ebay or amazon for a few pounds.

I think it’s been slowly building since the 80’s, Thatcher, loadsamoney era although absolutely SM and Covid escalated it.
I could give several examples daily. Rightly or wrongly I was raised to not have a negative impact on others and I don’t allow my child to shriek, grab or make loads of noise unless we are in an area specifically for that purpose. I don’t buy that some of us are unaware of the impact we are having. As adults if we don’t know there’s something amiss. Worst though is the doubling down and failing to apologise by many. Personally I don’t put up with it, I was at a gig the other day in an accessible area, a man stood in front with his kid on his shoulders blocking the view of everyone in wheelchairs, so I went and told him to move.

The examples you give raise different issues. A barking dog may be a matter of poor training, rather than selfishness as such. And I also don’t necessarily think children making noise in the garden at 7am is necessarily selfish either. The parents might be struggling with kids not sleeping in the heat and up at 5am. Not ideal, but I wouldn’t assume they were wilfully trying to be annoying. Smoking weed yes definitely and other antisocial noises like adults shouting and fighting, obnoxious music for hours on end, yeah selfish.

It’s also possible your annoyance is heightened because of the duration and intensity of the heatwave.

It’s interesting people say they think it’s got worse since Covid. I mean, I agree, but why has it got worse? I suspect a combination of covid and increasing internet/ social media use. Both might have caused people’s social skills and awareness to go into decline. Made people more insular and self- centered, perhaps less of a sense of community? If people are talking to their neighbours less than they ever did, they are going to care less about their comfort and wellbeing.

I wonder whether people are behaving differently due to the heatwave? Off work, kids home, bit like a bonus bank holiday! dogs not walked and being let into gardens instead. It’s still annoying and a bit selfish but it may not be representative of how it would be normally

We live in terraced house where the gardens are all back to back and very close, so you hear neighbours a lot and have to accept that. Kids playing, trampolines, people chatting, having friends over, mowing the lawn... whatever. Part of life.

But the things that annoy me is when people play really loud music right in their garden, to the point when it's hard for us to hear each talk inside the house. I just couldn't imagine doing that. (Luckily only happens a few times each summer)

Another house doesn't play it so loud, but it's just awful music and a lot of the time, and the family shout a lot. So, bad music and shouting has become the sounds of summer.

And it was the same before covid. Exact same people too.

You bet.

My house is like in the centre of 5 back gardens. There's a few neighbours who during this heatwave (whenever it's bright really) have had no consideration for anyone, blasting music, last night until 3am, constantly screeching kids, dogs barking, burning stuff (not BBQ) so can't hang washing out etc. It's just a selfish entitled world nowadays, I find it very sad really.

I think it’s been brewing for about 10-12 yrs, got worse after Trump came in for the first time and showed how being a rich selfish twat can get you ultimate power, Boris and Nigel fed off this and bought it into UK politics. Add in a combo of Covid/financial consequences of leaving the EU and subsequent cost of living crisis - folks aren’t as comfy as they were and are getting more selfish because of it as they seek to keep themselves ahead/afloat.

Social media has a lot to answer for too in helping the selfish and thoughtless find a narrative that suits them and justifies their shitty actions - passive/lazy parenting dressed up as gentle parenting is one example.

@Toveylove Dead inside because I don't mind my neighbours enjoying a BBQ on a sunny day or hearing the kids out the back have fun in their paddling pool?

If you say so, I rather think the opposite is true, though.

Like @Dressfinder when I was young, it was expected that there would be people outside making noise and having fun on warm days. Depending on where you lived, all the kids would congregate in someone's front garden/the alley/on the green and one person would supply the paddling pool, someone else would bring the toys, and someone would provide icepops, and all the mums would sit around in deckchairs, drinking tea, having a fag and having a gossip.

No one, to my knowledge, moaned about it. I remember the odd childless elderly person popping along with a bag of sweets for the kids to share, or sitting and having a chat with the mums. If someone's dad was working nights, you made sure to be at the other end of the green/alley, but you were never expected to be silent.

I find it sad that kids can't have that now.

People on here, some of them, show you what goes on , in the inside of selfish peoples heads. their responses are oblivious and drone like: ‘ don’t look then’ is typical of their response..
the sad truth is that a lot of people are dead inside and heavily armoured. They don’t look, don’t see, don’t care. And they try to numb others, to join them in numbness.
it’s the opposite of awake and with a good heart, and it’s an epidemic.

awake with a good heart = treat others well
drone numb inside = it’s my right to be shitty

You need to be having a word with him/her! Thats not fair

Well said!

I grew up on a council estate, terraced houses, back garden to back garden - so the back garden was immediately surrounded by 3 other gardens. Two gardens enclosing the front and another row of terraced houses across the (narrow) street. Everyone was in everyone's pocket.
On summer days the majority of neighbours would have their doors and windows open, kids would be in paddling pools in the gardens or playing in the street. Most people were playing music. Reggae from the next door neighbour, classic rock from my dad, rave music to the other side, heavy metal across the road. People had BBQs in the day, bonfires in the evening (they would shout over the fence to warn eachother so you had a chance to get your washing in).
Do you know how much resentment or fighting it caused? None. Because people understood that when you live near other people you'll see and hear other people.
I think people are more inconsiderate now - of how their neighbours have a right to live their lives as much as we have the right to live ours.

That's a different point. I'm not sure it was that way round, either. Teachers used to tell kids off and discipline them in school.

Then they decided to start phoning parents up for every minor misdemeanour. Yes you involve parents for serious things, but not everyday nonsense that kids get up to in school and for which teachers have ample sanctions.

Or just don't play music then

I am thinking of moving. People used to remark on how quiet it was where we live - not anymore. If we are going to continue to get hot summers I need a quieter neighbourhood.

On the BBQ point, it's madness to have one when it's 35 degrees. By all means burn your own house down but don't risk mine! Same goes for garden bonfires.

The teachers I know say 2001 when parents started turning up at schools if they told their children off.

No, what idiot decided that it would be a good idea to remove the headphone jacks?

You can use the USB plug though. I suspect the headphones that plug in there are a lot more expensive however, My DH has quite an old phone and doesn't want it to give up the ghost as it has a headphone jack.

None of us can completely avoid being annoying to others - a lot of the time you don't even know you've been annoying eg when you take a parking space (legitimately because you were there first) that someone else had their eye on.

But when you know you are being noisy, or taking up a whole path, or letting your kids run around getting in the way of the waiting staff in a cafe, or letting your dog bark most of the night, that IS something you can do something about.

We’ve had to endure noisy shagging 🤢
The woman is hard enough to endure as she is