AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

As we get older, creeping towards 40 and beyond, it’s so much harder to lose weight.

What are you doing at the gym? I’d recommend resistance training and walking rather than high intensity work outs which can spike cortisol, inflammation and make losing weight even harder.

I’m not saying to go on the jabs but if you prioritise resistance training, lower your stress, increase fibre and protein, work out your TDEE, log your eating to ensure you’re in a deficit, you’ll see a big difference.

if you’re doing all this already, consider GLP1s, they not only slow gastric emptying so you’re fuller for longer, but also better manage insulin response and lowers inflammation which is why it’s a great tool to lose weight.

DH and I are on WLI. I was size 18 and, having lost over 6st, I am now size 8 (BMI has dropped from 38 to 22). We haven't told anyone; our DC know because they live with us and the pens are in our fridge, but none of the rest of the family or our friends know. Sure, some probably suspect; anyone who is losing weight now is automatically presumed to be on WLI. However, our medical information is absolutely nobody else's business - I wouldn't tell people if DH was on medication for erectile dysfunction, for example. He isn't BTW, but I think it shows perfectly why some things are private and up to the person themselves to disclose/not disclose.

The attitudes by some on here are the precise reasons why we haven't told others - the insinuation that it is the WLI doing all the work, it's the 'easy option' or any other veiled dig designed to belittle the hard work that has gone in to it. Some people may be using WLI to reduce their appetite and carry on eating as they did before just less, but that's not the case for us or many people on WLI.

Truth is, I have drastically changed my habits and made myself accountable for what I put in my body; I haven't had a takeaway in 10 months, I don't snack - crisps and chocolate are a thing of the past, I have made sure I am in calorie deficit day in day out and I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since starting. Even Xmas day was spent in calorie deficit and with no alcohol! I also go to the gym 4 times a week and go hiking at weekends. So, for anyone to imply I have done anything the easy way absolutely boils my piss, quite frankly!

OP, I think you and your DH should nip your MIL's comments in the bud. Yours and his weight/size is nothing to do with her, or anybody else for that matter. As a word of warning WLI are not a magic bullet; if your DH does not change his eating habits, he may well put the weight back on when he stops the WLI or will need to stay on them for life.

Obesity is a complex illness/disease and whether you choose to go on WLI is your decision and yours alone. Either way, it's the 80/20 rule - 80% of your weight loss is going to come from your diet, so you need place more focus on that than exercise. I suspect your resentment of DH is partly because you are not being totally honest with yourself either and your diet isn't as healthy as you claim it to be; truth be told you wouldn't be size 18 if it was. I am not saying that to hurt you; I spent my 30s and most of my 40s that size and I regret it hugely. I might be healthy now, but what damage have I done to my body in those 15-20 years?! Make lifelong changes now, don't wait until you're my age to do so - Good Luck!

I don’t see that and I very much doubt that telling his mum he took control of his health and used medication for the reason it was intended is going to make the op feel any better about her self. She will still be the size she is.

Ok is that it, why you’re attacking, you don’t like the word fat? It is emotive for some people. I understand that.

when I was your size I considered myself fat. I think I prefer it to the term obese. Although both clearly technically accurate

im not spewing any vitriol, it is you who is doing this, at your husband, now at me as you took offence as I said you were fat. I certainly don’t hate myself, I’m very happy in myself, both from who I am to my body. It feels like you’re projecting.

your issue is your weight. And your feelings about it. That’s the issue that’s behind all of it. You don’t want to take the meds, that’s fine, but you’re also failing to lose weighr on your own, this would also be fine , but it’s not, as it’s causing you to be angry, jealous and resentful.

I don’t beleive for one moment these negative feelings are not visible to your family and your mil.and I assume your resentment has got to such a level she should say nothing about either of you.

you need to get yourself sorted. Whether you like it or not. Life is too short for this shit,

It's his lying to his mum that's the issue. He's pretending he has lost weight solely by self discipline and hard work. He hasn't, he has list weight by taking a drug to reduce his appetite. The inference to his mother he is deliberately making is that OP isn't trying as hard or she'd be as successful as him.

Same boat here 🤪 I’ve lost almost 2 stone naturally through gym & diet but still a long way to go. It’s frustrating but the way I see it is that we are making long term sustainable lifestyle changes. The OHs are gonna either be on it very long term (not sure how that will fair cost or health wise!) or pile on the pounds when they stop. Mine is already planning to increase his dose again because “the food noise is coming back” but I feel some willpower does have to come into play. Without making good food choices & having regular exercise it isn’t sustainable

I gave my perspective on what the OP has said. What you think is irrelevant to me.

You don't need to tell her that he is on the jabs. You can just say that the way he is choosing to lose the weight is not what you want to do and that you are ok with what you are doing. That's the truth and could mean anything. He could be starving himself or use shakes or whatever else. It just means his weight loss method is not one you wish to follow. Only if she still doesn't drop it would I tell your husband that her next comment about your weight either he explains that you don't want to take weight loss jabs or you will.

I lost a lot of a hair despite eating very carefully indeed. It is telogen effluvium, caused by any significant shock to the body - major weight loss being one of them.

The 'Hare and the Tortoise' OP.

You'll still be slowly losing on a healthy diet and he'll start piling it back on when he stops the jabs and just eats more again. I know several people who've lost weight very quickly on MJ, two of them have lost a fair bit of hair as well through not eating correctly.

OP, I understand your frustration. You are trying to eat more healthy and exercise (which is tough) while your husband is still eating treat type foods and loosing weight without exercise. You are probably more healthy/strong than him but your mil doesn't see it as she hasn't been made aware of the full picture. Your DH should tell her and hopefully the comments will stop.

I'd be resentful in this situation too, OP.

I used Mounjaro and am now maintaining a ten stone loss having come off the medication completely, and I can say with some hard-won experience that unless your DH intends to remain on WLI for life he is going to regain all of the weight and possibly more when he comes off, based on what you describe. If he doesn't want to re-train himself to make better choices then that's his prerogative as an adult, but based on this post it's clear that he is going to pass on bad habits to your DD and store up all kinds of problems for her in the future.

I struggle terribly with guilt about the damage I may have done to my own daughter's relationship with food during the many years when I was not looking after myself. Your feelings about your MIL and DH here are valid but they are a sideshow. Your focus needs to be on ensuring that yourself and your DD

And yet you still didn’t get the issue

YABU to resent him taking the jabs, that’s his choice and you’re making yours so good on both of you.

You can have a view on him eating healthily but it’s his choice. He doesn’t get to completely override your parenting preferences but then neither do get to override his.

I would tell him that if it doesn’t put his mother in her place you are going to tell her he’s taking Mounjaro. He has a choice then doesn’t he. Sort her out or fess up whilst telling her to back off commenting about you.

You would betray your husbands confidence to make yourself feel better? I’m pleased I’m not married to someone as selfish as you.

Sorry OP there’s a lot of people on mumsnet that take these jabs and obviously there taking it out on you that the general public think it’s cheating. Just tell the mil and it’ll hopefully shut her down.

She may well have worked it out as pretty much everyone who has rapid weight loss has used jabs. Even weight watchers now have a plan for GLP1.

I’ve used mounjaro and haven’t told everyone but haven’t been secretive. I know 2 people who have used it after seeing my success. I put on weight when I came off it and need to lose 12 pounds to get back to my goal (I’m now back on it) - I’m still over 4 stone down.

Id definitely not resent your DH. Mounjaro is not easy and he’s done well . You could “accidentally” drop into conversation at some point. He’s nothing to hide

Mmm, I understand the temptation, but it essentially seems to be going along with her behaviour. Which needs to be challenged, for the sake of the kids if nothing else. Of course DH has to take his part in that.

The irony of a post that is discussing the MIL having opinions on their weight... while having opinions on how her husband has chosen to loose weight and how it makes her feel. That's you projecting onto him in the same way MIL is projecting onto you.

Good for you for working hard but you also have the choice of jabs, for whatever reason you don't want to take them is fine but it's not fair to then be annoyed with him for making his choice.

And for all the posters saying tell the MIL... its not MIL business or Ops business to tell her.

Let her wonder. Not everyone wants to use tnem

I think the jabs can be massively positive.

Your husband will put weight back if he isn't medicated. He needs to improve his diet to be healthy. He isn't winning.

I can understand why your husband doesn't want to tell people. He needs to be supportive of you though.

People are so judgemental of larger bodies. Talking about weight and your body needs to be completely off the table.

My DH eats what he wants, I eat healthy, hardly drink and stick to c1000 cals. I get it can be frustrating. I'm doing me.

OP has said nothing to suggest DH won't remain on the jabs long term, so I'd be careful saying her weight loss will be more sustainable. If he does keep taking them, actually statistically his will be. But it's in OPs interests not to think of it in comparison terms.

His mum must have her head in the sand to not immediately assume WLI!!

I do

If he won't call out his mum then any time you absolutely have to be in her company, you call her out yourself.

If she asks how often you are going to the gym look her in the eye with a serious face and reply "why do you ask?". Any comments or questions that are an indirect dig at your weight when you've already told her this topic is off the table, call her out on it.

Your DH is a wuss not to just tell his mum, especially when it means you are getting vitriol and he is getting praise.

Perhaps any time there HAS to be a visit HE can visit or host and you can be at the gym enjoying some peace in a judgement free zone.

Totally unreasonable of MIL. Your weight is precisely zero to do with her, or anyone else.
YABU to resent your DH though. You could use the medication if you wanted to, it is not reasonable to resent someone for making a different choice to you.
And, at a size 18, you are over eating, which I suspect you know. He is eating crap, and loosing, you are eating crap and not. That is where the resentment comes from I think?