AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

If that’s the reality they will both be unhealthy. It is not a competition or a race to the bottom.

the op is clearly jealous and resentful

what does she tell us, he eats sandwiches from the service station for lunch, she says when it’s his turn to cook it is things like fish and chips and pizza. That he brought in a sat morning treat for the kids. That he has a Huel for breakfast.

what she doesn’t tell us is how often he cooks. How often he brings in treats for the kids.

it could be once a week, once a fortnight, it could be every day, none of us know.

it is highly unlikely if he’s having Huel and sandwiches during the day he’s eating a lot of junk on top of this for the simple reason he’d not lose weight. His calorie intake would be too high. I’m fairly sure if he read this thread he’d think she was being unfair. And I suspect he’d think thr same over his mothers comments.

shes clear the mil doesn’t now mention her weight, doesn’t mention her diet, just makes comments like how often are you going to the gym.

my take is the first part of the title of this thread is the relevant bit. She’s resentful , she sees him having treats a couple of times a week, dropping three stone, his mum saying he’s done well and it’s infuriating her.

i really don’t think this is a case of her husband sits and gorges on crap or her mil is round daily making digs on her weight. I think she needed to vent as she feels bad about herself.

she fails to tell us why she doesn’t want to try to the injections. The quality of her diet is not it seems the issue, the issue is how much she eats. She seems to focus on the gym a lot, but we all know exercise doesn’t result in weight loss, unless you’re in a defecit. We also know going to the gym doesn’t automatically mean strenuous effort. I work out most days, some days I do it with way less effort than others.

It's not cheating for anybody to take a legally prescribed medication.

It's not cheating to take paracetamol for a headache rather than wait for it to go.

It's not cheating to take pseudoephedrine to help clear a sinus (unless you're a professional athlete and you're not taking it for a blocked nose).

It's not cheating for somebody to take vitamin D + K2 or a B complex because they've got a deficiency.

It's not cheating to use an ergo in the gym rather than travelling 15 miles to the nearest boating lake or a treadmill rather than thundering down the pavements and sidestepping dogs, children, the elderly and blokes yelling FAT CUNT out of car windows.

It absolutely was a guess. You're guessing that your friends are representative of the million plus people paying privately for WLIs in the UK. It would've been fine to just say this is my experience based on my circle.

And what OPs husband is taking doesn't actually dictate what the potential costs for her if she wanted to go on WLIs would be. There's no rule saying you can only take a medication if your spouse is on it. So cheaper options such as Wegovy need to be factored in if you want to talk about whether it's affordable.

It wasn't a guess, it's what I know from the friends I have who take it, and the proof is the published prices that I checked before posting - for mounjaro, given that's what the OP has said her husband is taking!

@Velvetandleather she goes to the gym, is strong, and eats well just more than she should. There's a good chance she's healthier than her husband, if he's eating small amounts but of junk food and not exercising. If he's lost weight rapidly without strength training he will have lost just as much muscle as fat, unless he's generally gifted. Being slimmer doesn't necessarily mean a lower body fat %.

I didn't say you were trying to exaggerate it, I think it's conceivable you believe you're right. But you claimed £40 to £50 per week was more typical and there isn't any proof of that. It was evidently a guess.

Also, the price increase was Mounjaro. As the poster who made the (ridiculous) comment about just take the jabs didn't specify only Mounjaro, that also makes Wegovy relevant and it's much cheaper. You'd need to factor them in too. There are going to be people who can afford Wegovy but not Mounjaro.

@Runningswanker

She probably does want a holiday! But wants to reach her target weight more. Go, OP! 💪

By definition being obese, if she is, is unhealthy.

I wasn't talking about the kids, I was talking about the OP maybe wanting a holiday! And she hasn't posted anything to suggest she's unhealthy.

@Runningswanker

its just my opinion. She doesn’t sound happy. I’m sure lots of people would rather have medication to help them lose weight and would see that as a better use of family money compared to a family holiday. Kids don’t need holidays but they do need a happy healthy mum 😊

@AWomanOfWealthAndTaste I didn't average out a price, I looked at the average price for a dose in the middle of the prescribing range, 7.5mg in the UK. I'm really not sure why you're so convinced I'm trying to exaggerate it, the price increase a while ago was well publicised
The site I looked at is for the regular monthly prices, ie not including the first month offer (which is usually only available if signing up to a minimum term)
https://monj.co.uk/mounjaro-price-list-non-discounted-uk/

His wife can tell her though. I would. The fact he is basking in the glow of mummy's praise about his weight loss, whilst mummy is looking down on his wife for not losing as much weight, (when HE has used weight loss injections and she is doing it without,) is sickening. I'm embarrassed for the OP's husband. Is he that desperate for mummy's praise?! 🙄

@Pipiscoming2023 You should absolutely tell your husband's mum that he is taking the weight loss injections!

.

I wouldn't have said needing evidence to back up a very specific claim like £40-£50 per week is more typical was contentious. Had a quick look and couldn't find anything to indicate that was correct. Averaging out price comparison sites isn't proof of typical spend, as presumably you know people don't necessarily go onto higher doses.

Trying to pin down average spend is in any case not necessary. The fact that lots of people can't afford them so nobody should make assumptions when they don't know a poster's finances is a superb argument in itself.

Exactly. As I said, the OP's husband's mum needs telling.

Yeah it’s spite, tell me you’re jealous of those on the injections without telling me your jealous of those on the injections, how utterly embarassing for you, on so so many fronts.

Well, MUMMY needs to know! Seeing as how she thinks her little prince is doing soooo well with the weight loss, and in addition, is banging on at the OP for not doing as well as her precious son! When ALL the weight he has lost has been through cheating by using weight loss injections.

Too right she needs telling. I would absolutely be telling her if I was the OP. This is not a matter of spite, if my DH's mother was going on at me for not losing my weight very quickly, whilst showering DH (her son) with praise for losing it quickly (when he has been cheating by using weight loss injections,) I absolutely would tell her he's been using them.

MUMMY needs to know her perfect prince of a son is not this high achiever with his big weight loss, whilst I am a failure. I'd make bloody sure of that.

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@AWomanOfWealthAndTaste not sure why it's such a contentious issue, looked at a MJ price comparison website that showed monthly prices (not the initial discount price) for a middle of the range dose! Good for you if you've found a cheaper way to do it. I've nothing against them, half my work colleagues are on them, but price is the main comment when it's discussed (ie finding sacrifices elsewhere)

Hmm, I think we'd need some data to back any claims about typical costs up. I couldn't find any.

Lower dose Wegovy is well under £100 a month, and lots of people are losing on that. I agree that those of us with the cheapest costs are often using pharmacies that let us push back an order date, but that's relevant because it's very much one of the options available. Then at the other end of the spectrum is people on highest dose MJ with the dearest suppliers which is over £300 per month.

So I think a better way to put it is that the costs can be high, notwithstanding that people's levels of spare cash can vary hugely even within the same income bracket. You also don't know until you try whether you're going to be one of the people who needs the highest dose. It's a bit of a stab in the dark, no pun intended. But also it's completely fine for OP not to want it even if it were 50p!

It's a fair point @AWomanOfWealthAndTaste but I just think it's fair to point out the cost is high. £20 a week tends to be either the initial first month offer equivalent, or people bending the rules by buying higher dose pens and using pharmacies that will let them push back a subscription date. £40-50 a week per person is much more typical.

I don't think there's much point in speculating about finances. We have little info about affordability. beyond that one set of WLIs, a gym membership, decent food when OP cooks and various takeaways and corner shop crap can be afforded. There are people whose WLI usage will be no more than twenty odd quid a week, for others it's going to be multiples of that.

The fact that OP says she doesn't want to use them is enough by itself, even if they're wadded.

I was referring to the DH as to the lack of effort he's making. As to the OP, she's been clear she doesn't want to use them, she doesn't have to share her reasons for not doing so, but why you would insist she should take a drug she doesn't want to take and commit to a substantial amount of money for it is weird.

It sounds like the OP is already pretty healthy and active albeit a bit overweight, who are you to decide that being a couple of dress sizes smaller will be better for her than having a family holiday?

The difficulty with this is that there's no evidence that short term WLI usage and habit change is actually sustainable. I'd advise DH to eat better anyway, but it is actually entirely reasonable for someone to approach WLIs and weight loss knowing that all the evidence we have is that both short term WLI use and traditional dieting will probably result in the weight being put back on.

But I fully agree with you that nobody should just tell an obese person to take WLIs. Especially not one who's already said they don't want to! There are lots of things to take into consideration.

@Runningswanker

OP is doing all that - working hard in the gym and eating healthy. And she’s still struggling. So yeah I think the jabs would be a good use of family money

yeah, ok, obviously bills have to be the first thing to come out of the pot, but other stuff like holidays or whatever can be forgone for the sake of OP’s health and wellbeing….that would benefit the kids way more than a holiday or that sort of thing

For most people outside of the Mumsnet high earners it's the difference between having a secure roof over their head and savings, or not. You're lucky if you 'can't imagine that'.

If it's doable, and I find it hard to believe that its not some sort of sacrifice for most, I think it's worthwhile but I do think there should be some effort made to at least try to do it short term (by using it as a tool to create a lifestyle change) or by making an effort with diet and keeping on a lower, cheaper dose. It sounds like the DH CBA to do any of that, and that's where I think spending that much family money, without even trying to think of an exit plan, is a bit shitty.

OP said he's on MJ, which varies a lot. Low dose, shopping around for supplier discounts and bonus dosing could be as low as about £120 a month, the highest doses with dearest suppliers could be over £300. If OPs description of him as eating smaller amounts of the same crap is accurate, he'll also save money in his food costs. Not everyone does, as some people switch the type of food they eat, but same shit just less of it will.

But we've no information about their finances, so even assuming he's self-funding, no reason to think it's prohibitive. And there's no inevitability about piling it back on even if you keep the same crap habits in smaller amounts. He may simply stay on the jabs long term. Wegovy is a cheaper option than MJ, for example, so someone needing to tighten the belt might switch rather than quit. I think most couples have at least some provision for their own personal spending money, even if it's one pot otherwise. I'd be unimpressed if my spouse thought they had the right to be angry about how I'd spent mine.

Also not to defend MIL but it sounds like she was fixated on both of their weights.

Maybe paying the bills 😕