AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

“Hey MIL, when you comment on my weight, I feel very uncomfortable and frustrated. Please stop commenting - I am doing my best by going to the gym regularly and I have changed my diet.”

Well done you 🙂 I’ve lost six stone too, using calorie deficit. Also 5’10”. The leg thing is hilarious. Mine are like sticks and my arse is good. What won’t go is the lumpy bits around my tummy. Leggings are size 16-18, tops still need to be 22. I’m looking to buy jeans this winter, but no idea how I’ll get any to fit!

It certainly is possible - he's eating what he wants, taste wise, but the mounjaro stops him wanting to eat as much as usual. So he's in a deficit and losing weight but not making any effort to be healthy or to build habits for the future if he were to come off the meds.

I’d have to tell her to shut her the F up!

Tell MIL that your body and weight is the square root of fuck all to do with her……

Do you manage not to eat the croissants he brings home? It’s a bit mean of him bringing tempting stuff in @Pipiscoming2023 - I’d definitely tell him it’s not fair that she thinks you’re not trying while she thinks he’s ‘golden boy’ and he needs to either tell her the truth, or tell her to lay off with the comments about you. I’d be making sure she accidentally sees his jabs at some point 😬

WLI slow down digestion so you feel fuller for longer. It’s very possible that OP is just clocking that he’s still eating the same as before, without realising he’s eating much less of it.

He's allowing you to be insulted, that's not right. Tell him he either tells her the truth, or you will. Tell him you can't guarantee you won't reach breaking point with her insults and questioning that you won't tell her anyway.

I don't think that Op should be telling her MIL about her dh's medication. He doesn't want her to know, and Op needs to respect that.

Op's DH must be in a calorie deficit or he wouldn't be losing weight. It doesn't seem as if he's making the healthiest choices about what he's eating but that's his decision.

MIL in general should be told to mind her own business by Op.

OP is under no professional obligation not to tell his mum he’s on WLI. And from what OP has said, his only sensitivity to the subject of weight is to be so insensitive as to bring home fattening treats when he knows OP is trying hard to lose the weight in a way that he’s too lazy to engage with.

He’s revelling in the praise from his mummy even though he knows it’s unwarranted, while at the same time allowing her to disrespect his wife. The answer is simple. Either he tells his mother to back off or fesses up that he’s on WLI - or OP will out him.

this makes no sense, it is physically impossible to lose weight unless in a Defecit. The injections don’t change this. As such if he’s eating this shit he must be eating very little of it and very little else. So you’re not telling the full story. It is not humanly possible whay you’re saying. Which makes me think this isn’t your mil is constantly on at you, you may have had the odd comment, this is about your jealous.

I think you need to start being more direct with her,

I don't want to talk about my weight or the gym

Or turn it back round

When did you last go to the gym Maureen?

Definitely on the just tell her side. Congratulations on your weight loss.

It's a side issue, but this is not an uncommon behaviour in people who lose a significant amount of weight: feeding up other people on crap. At its most extreme, it can manifest as a person with anorexia cooking lots of rich meals for others. It's definitely a thing.

You should definitely tell him to stop it because it's not helpful to you or healthy for your child (he knows this but hearing it from you might stop it). As for the MIL, tell her your weight is not up for discussion. He doesn't have to tell her about the jabs if he doesn't want to, and you don't have to tell her about your weight loss either.

So dh is basking in praise when it's mj that's done the work for him ?I'd be letting slip..

This. All day long. He’s a pathetic mummy’s boy and it would give me the ick. I think I’d also be telling MiL in no uncertain terms that my weight is none of her business and in future she can keep her jibes to herself.

The gym is, at best, a small contributor to weight loss -- though it has lots of other benefits.

80-90% of weight loss is going to be what you eat.

This is really not the point though is it ? For two reasons. Firstly, he brought fattening treats home despite knowing OP is actively trying her best to lose weight. No, she doesn’t have to eat them, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a very unkind act. And the last thing his children need is chocolate for breakfast - he’s teaching them his own unhealthy attitude to food.

Secondly, he’s watching OP take unfair flak from his mother, because she’s under the impression that they’re both dieting and exercising and is judging OP for not losing weight at the same pace. He knows he has an unfair advantage, but he’s loving the praise from mummy. Which is utterly pathetic.

And WLI have side effects. Some of them significant. If my DH started to use them without telling me, l would be reconsidering the relationship to be honest.

If he carries on eating like that, he'll either have to stay on mounjaro forever or accept that the weight will come back on as soon as he's off the drug.

I'd resent him for spending all that money/the NHS's money depending on whose paying, and not using it to support a health reset. He's a twat.

So's your mil.

I lost weight a lot of weight on mounjaro, and I'm maintaining my weight now by eating exactly the same as I did on mounjaro in the week, and what I want at the weekend (though no snacks - just calorific meals and booze). It's hard work, but I'm determined not to have wasted the money and the opportunity.

He's wasting his time doing what he's doing now.

“Well Barbara, I decided I didn’t want to have the fat jabs but instead work slowly at getting any excess weight I have off my body. I am eating well and doing exercise but you will appreciate it isn’t quick progress.

Why you have to comment on my body and weight all of the time is odd though, maybe you’re comparing my weight to Dave’s?

Like I said earlier, I am NOT on the fat jabs, whereas Dave…”

And yes I would tell Dave’s secret fat jab story to his mum as he’s doing nothing to stop her being on at his wife about her weight.

I tell people I'm on the jabs even if they don't ask. That's because I think they're a really sensible choice for many of us. Yes, they can have side effects, but not nearly as many side effects as obesity. I've been able to stop blood pressure tablets since losing the weight, and my exercise capacity is hugely improved. I realised that my attempts to lose weight were inadequate and that actually that was unlikely to change because I'm human. It would be great if he could see the jabs as something not to be ashamed of, and just tell his mum. (And I've personally found Wegovy gentler than Mounjaro, but still effective).

I am fairly disgusted at the number of posters encouraging OP to disclose private medical matters to MIL. Would you all be happy then for your partners to disclose personal details / medical history to your family that you did not want to disclose?

I totally agree. I would be absolutely furious in his position if OP did that. It would destroy any trust in the relationship forever.

I really wouldn't worry. If he's genuinely not changing his diet then as soon as he comes off the jabs he'll put the weight back on!

But you don't have to eat it. And the language you're using isn't going to help anybody any more than framing medication as a magic potion when he still has to eat less overall in order to lose weight.

It's none of anybody else's business what medication he has been prescribed. The vast majority of pharmacies automatically notify the GP as part of their conditions, so the NHS will be able to see that if there is an emergency admission, but he didn't even have to tell you about it if he didn't want to.

My DH is on Mounjaro for weight loss and type 2 diabetes, and was significantly overweight at the start. He hasn’t changed his diet significantly, except for restricting certain fats because they cause stomach upset. I have to say he didn’t eat rubbish, just ate too much. Mounjaro has reduced his appetite, so he eats his usual diet but less of it, so the weight is coming off.

I agree WLI are not a magic wand, but they do make things considerably easier if you utilise them properly. OP’s perception is that he’s still eating unhealthily, which may be true, but it may not have registered that he’s eating less and is still in calorie deficit as a result.

From what you've described, i wonder if your mil knowing he's losing weight via jabs would make much difference. It's sounds like she judges people for being overweight, regardless.

If someone kept asking about my gym visits I'd take great pleasure in telling them all about my progress. There must be other positive outcomes, not just weight loss?