Calling the police to check on a crying baby

I'm glad you weren't my neighbour when my son was born. He screamed day and night as he was born a little early, and he was very colicky. Anyone walking past would have assumed something was wrong but he was well loved and cared for. He just had a tricky start to life. It soon settled.

If anyone had called the police on me back then, I would be absolutely gunning for them. I had enough to deal with with my husband walking out, the premature birth, and having no money, not to mention PND.

Well I hope you aren’t my neighbour. Mine cried so much as a baby, and even now often has long tantrums. Trust me we did everything possible to stop it

My neighbour's youngest used to cry a lot for the first 18 months, it never occured to me to call the police. I guess this was because they have two older children who always seem happy, confident and very well cared for He's older now and the crying has stopped, i think it was just how he was at that very young age. It is hard to know what to do and my response was informed by knowing the family and seeing that to the best of my knowledge it is a happy family. In the OP's situation I would not have called the police as 30 mins crying is not unheard of, mine use to howl for ages and very little other than being held all the time would comfort them. A family member was reported by her neighbour because of the terrible screams her daughter made when she had her hair washed along with cries of "please mummy no, please stop" The thing is hearing this through the wall would raise alarm bells. I do think it is better to report than not to because we never know what is really going on.

A friend of mine has a neighbour who has called the police and social services several times due to the noise her children make. They have never bothered to actually ask her what is going on. If they did they might stop wasting police time and causing my friend more stress. You sound similar OP.

What about babies who aren't getting a parents 'best efforts'?

they are the concern here. Not good parents hurry feelings.

The amount of people equating a baby crying for 30 minutes to child abuse!! Jfc. People have lost all reason.

I can’t sleep at night sometimes thinking about the horrific stories about babies being murdered and abused. It’s awful and obviously people around them could and should have done more and all of society should learn lessons. But this is just so far removed from that. It’s like people are just projecting their pain and sadness about these awful cases onto random innocent families whose babies cry or who might raise their voices or who might even slam a door. That doesn’t help. It’s just insane. No, it’s not fucking reasonable to call police when you hear a baby cry. Even when doors slam or you hear voices. That’s not legitimate or proportionate. It’s a waste of everyone’s time.

It could be the most dramatic thing that's happened to the OP in a while and she wants people to gossip with about it. Sorry OP, but your post did make me wonder about that a little.

You did right @summermumma2021 , and as you said in an earlier post, you weren't the only one calling in: maybe that's why it was taken seriously?
Good on you for trusting your gut!

My first baby screamed the house down in the early hours every night for what seemed like forever. It was summer on a quiet road with all the windows open so the entire street would have been able to hear. Nothing we did helped, he had colic but whatever we tried didn't really work.
I would guess it's something like this and either one of the parents has got a bit stressed and gone for a drive, or gone to buy something from the 24 hour supermarket for the baby but are sleep deprived and feeling a bit ratty. But obviously that's a massive assumption, so if you think something else you are always right to report it.

I think it very over the top to call the police because a baby has been crying for half an hour. You should have knocked on the door and they may have had a good explanation. Instead you have used police time and made your new neighbour's feel very unwelcome.

I people like you mean well, but your suggestion is batshit. You either aren't very bright, or you're not very street-smart or good with people.

It is in no way OPs responsibility to offer help to a stranger's baby like this. It is not a hunter-gatherer society whereby the mothers help each other's baby in a tribe. They may be neighbours, or they might live on the same street, but they are still strangers. Not friends or family. Calling the police if you're concerned about a child is expected, but no more. Depending on the situation, by 'offering her help', she might be getting involved in a potentially risky or even dangerous situation herself. In some neighbourhoods, such offers to 'help' would result in a door being slammed in your face, at minimum, and potentially future issues for you or your children if it's on a rough estate in particular.

So often, people have such high expectation of women, and your daft suggestion shows it. Women are expected to be free care-in-the-community, a free resource that can be used at any time in a way I just don't see being expected by men.

No idea why you felt the need to post about it online though.

If they were actually a call handler!

id expect an actual call handler to know that the police ARE the emergency service you need to contact & they will contact SS if necessary.

Name change fail!

So it could have been 3 events from 3 different houses, no? But you just jumped to conclusions.

Depends if she felt she could do.

You just have to hope you're jn an area where the call handlers don't think they're God & 'know' it's not a priority!

That’s not what I was describing though. It was more than that.

Yeah I also felt like perhaps it was a bit much but as I said it was concerning and again because it was so late at night, I didn’t want to go walking past trying to investigate.

My husband (who had been downstairs) said he’d actually been worried too and had listened for a while to see if it settled down but noticed he could hear shouting, the baby still screaming and car doors slamming and driving off and then coming back, shouting started again.

best case scenario is that they just had a bad night but worst case is exactly why I felt like I needed to at least pass on the info to someone who could help.

Walk down any street at night time and you will hear a baby crying. Babies cry at night for multiple reasons. A mother at the end of her tether and sleep deprived might raise her voice or slam a door. That doesn’t make her a bad mum. If people reacted as OP has done the police would be inundated with calls every night.

I do kind of see your point that the most unhelpful thing to have happen when grappling with a colicky baby would be to have the police called on you.

I can't help feeling there might have been some halfway measure to try first - walking down and looking from across the road, or knocking on their neighbour's door to see if they could shed light.

Well that’s how loud the crying was and although I wouldn’t have known which house in particular it’s a row of 4 houses, so I’m sure the police would’ve been able to work it out.
I don’t know any of the families there and wouldn’t be able to know what they look like so how can I possibly be prejudiced?

I’ve had colicky babies myself (which turned out to be CMPA) and there is a slight pause between cries usually at the very least or a change to the cry if someone is trying to settle them.
This was was a very loud, very distressed cry for a prolonged period. Ultimately it was hours after I made that call. It just didn’t sound right at all.
it’s had to describe but I think as parents you do recognise cries and can hear a colic cry or a scared pain type cry. Obviously the two can sound similar.
Anyway the police came and checked and they did also have others calling too. I’d rather it just be that they had a bad night and things are essentially fine but if it was what it seemed like then I felt like the baby was my priority not potentially offending new neighbours.

Yes, you probably would feel awful. But frankly 'so what'? If it keeps another child safe that's not being rocked & comforted then it's a tiny price to pay isn't it?

DH just reminded me that 100m is 2 Olympic swimming pools away, and asked how the heck someone would know which house something was coming from at that distance without investigating.

He thinks its stinks of drama sprinkled with prejudice (just assumed the worst)

Exactly