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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have gone for after work drinks tonight?

206 replies

tillyougetenough · 26/06/2026 23:37

This week has been horrendous at work. The office has been hot, pressure from management has been insane, we’ve all worked different hours due to the heat and it’s just been incredibly draining.

We all decided to go to the beach for a few drinks tonight. It was well needed and deserved, even if it was just to sit in the shade and the breeze!

I got home around 10, I’ve had three cocktails. Not huge, I’m not wasted, just pleasantly tipsy. My partner is outraged, he thinks I have a drinking problem and has genuinely suggested I go for counselling for my “alcohol issues”.

WIBU to go?

OP posts:
Aiming4Optimistic · 27/06/2026 08:59

I'm now very wary of men who feel the need to suck joy. It took me longer than it should to recognise the pattern of behaviour where every good event was ruined by someone else's moodiness.
If you don't have big ties to this man, in your shoes I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship. Actually, even if you do have ties, this behaviour needs nipping in the bud before you get to a stage where it's easier to not go out than to deal with his behaviour when you come home!

DoYouSellBuckets · 27/06/2026 08:58

This is exactly how it starts. Please, please don't apologise or be 'trained' not to do it again. This is massively unreasonable of him. As a PP said - he needs to be coming with a massive apology this morning. Perhaps he was hot and grumpy - I know I have been this week. But if I'd accidentally uttered something that sounds that controlling (I don't think I would), I would be taking it back first thing and making it clear it wasn't going to become a pattern. How dare he ruin your lovely breather!

Whatafustercluck · 27/06/2026 08:57

At first I thought perhaps there was a back story of drinking, which would make more sense. But if it's as you say it is, then he likely doesn't like that you went out without him. Controlling.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 27/06/2026 08:50

tillyougetenough · 27/06/2026 08:26

No, not really. The football wasn’t on, I said hi as I came in the door and he started asking about how much I’d had to drink etc

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Yeah I would be taking this as a red flag. Its controlling, if he doesn't come out with a sincere apology this morning I would be reconsidering the relationship.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 27/06/2026 08:48

He is controlling.

OhamIreally · 27/06/2026 08:46

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 27/06/2026 08:35

I’m confused about the retired bit?

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It’s that she is no longer working so had no further need for line management and certainly doesn’t require it from her husband.

@lazyarse123I love this as a response and think with a tweak OP can also use it i.e. “I have a boss at work I’m not in the market for another one at home thanks”

Bigtrapeze · 27/06/2026 08:44

OP, I couldn't live like this. You have a DH not a drink problem. You sound like you had a great time until you got home. I think that speaks volumes. So sorry.

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 27/06/2026 08:44

Sorry for some reason I thought it was the OP who said she was retired & that wouldn’t make any sense!

Lentilcakes · 27/06/2026 08:42

Agree with @NoSausageSounds like he’s jealous you went out - but you did ask him, so …

lazyarse123 · 27/06/2026 08:40

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 27/06/2026 08:35

I’m confused about the retired bit?

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Sorry, I meant I no longer work so don't have a boss telling me what to do. DH has been acting a bit bossy this week. Little things like telling me where to park when he rarely drives these days.

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 27/06/2026 08:35

lazyarse123 · 26/06/2026 23:52

I think it's this. I don't drink much, sometimes years can pass but since it's been hot, I've been having a bottle of lager in the garden about 8pm but tonight I got a can to have with my tea about 6 o clock and dh felt the need to comment. "You've started early haven't you " i just said "and". He shut up because I've told him more than once this week that I am retired now and not in the market for a boss. Tempers may be becoming frayed because of the heat.

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I’m confused about the retired bit?

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 27/06/2026 08:34

His reaction is absolutely mental and you’ve done nothing wrong. Does he normally massively overreact to such normal things?

How is your relationship in general? Does he try to control and shame you in other areas?

Rubyslipperswitch · 27/06/2026 08:31

He is behaving like a controlling fool.

I really have no time for an insecure man child like this who throws a tantrum because his partner had a good time with her colleagues after a hard week.

Not someone I would stay with.

Comtesse · 27/06/2026 08:29

He is being very unreasonable.

NoWordForFluffy · 27/06/2026 08:28

likelysuspect · 27/06/2026 07:28

He's a mumsnetter isn't he!!

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That was my first thought! 🤣

NoSausage · 27/06/2026 08:26

I can't believe you think this is about alcohol.

He knows rationally that he's not "allowed" to be angry at you for going out but that's exactly what this is. Probably worried about "other men" but knows he can't say it. So he's saying it's alcohol. He's lying. He's controlling. And he's well on his way to dragging you down.

Original poster
tillyougetenough · 27/06/2026 08:26

BlueMum16 · 27/06/2026 07:30

Did you come home chatting while he's watching TV? Might just be pissed off your interrupting his quiet night watching the world cup.

Hopefully he's something and nothing and resolved in the morning

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No, not really. The football wasn’t on, I said hi as I came in the door and he started asking about how much I’d had to drink etc

OP posts:
Temporaryname158 · 27/06/2026 08:26

He’s sucking the fun out of a lovely evening you had with colleagues and friends. He is trying to make you feel bad for 3 drinks.

this won’t be the only area of your life he tries to control and influence. Step back and do a full review. Listen to the Dominator by Lundy Bancroft on audible/read it, it’s quite short. And I think you will quickly realise you need to dump your partner as they are taking away from, not adding to your life and are trying to control what you do and make you feel so bad this time that next time you think twice about accepting work drinks

CaesarAugusta · 27/06/2026 08:24

Your partner sounds bonkers. Tell him that, if he really thinks you would get a referral for alcohol issues on the back of this one incident, he should go and ask the GP himself. I suspect the GP would start talking about a referral for him for anxiety and control issues.

dapsnotplimsolls · 27/06/2026 08:16

What else is he controlling about?

desperatemum1234 · 27/06/2026 08:09

LTB. Controlling behaviour. Partner is a dick.

sausageth · 27/06/2026 08:06

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 26/06/2026 23:48

Partner sounds like a right dweeb

Dweeb. Not hear that word for a long time 🤣🤣

icannotlivelaughloveintheseconditions · 27/06/2026 08:01

Does he usually have issues when you do things with out him?
my guess is you came home late, relaxed, a bit tipsy and having had fun and he didn’t like that so decided to piss on your chips and make you feel bad for daring to have enjoyed your self.
id question why he’s annoyed your happy?

Frumpitydoo · 27/06/2026 07:55

Where do thesecontrol freak motherfuckers get off, telling us what we can and cannot do?

GreenOpalFruits · 27/06/2026 07:33

He needs to go

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