To feel jealous of other single parents

I definitely hear you, your situation is tough and relentless and I get it. I’m one of the ones whose ex sees the kids every other weekend.

it definitely helps me keep my sanity in terms of I use that time to catch up on work (clearly he isn’t an equal parent in the work week, only weekend time - so I get behind) go to the gym for my mental health and just get to not hear my name every 5 minutes.

But to clear a few things up for you…. I don’t date at all. I have done a bit of it but I personally didn’t find a man who was patient enough to only see me every other weekend. The last man I was seeing (prob 4 years ago) said ‘you just don’t have time for me’ - he was right, I didn’t. So in all honesty EOW is not sufficient free time to form a relationship in my experience.

Also I do feel I need to clarify that the ‘break’ of a co-parent taking over for a weekend isn’t always worth it. My youngest in particular often comes back hungry, tired, hair clearly not brushed for 2 days, in the same clothes I sent her in, HW not done etc. there are times I’d rather she’d been with me and I hadn’t had that space bc of the effort of getting her back on an even keel again. So the grass is not always as green as it looks.

I was a totally single parent for over 12 years, DS was under 1 when ex left. It was tough and I sympathise. However it does get easier, they grow up and can be left for a while as they get older. I was lucky in that I had 2 and DD is 7 years older than DS, so once she got to an appropriate age she could babysit.

Also I doubt your ex is a good person if he can completely walk away from his children. Would you really want his influence on your DCs lives?

My DD's ex isn't involved, but I've co-parented at times and my eldest helps out a lot. It isn't just their father that isn't involved, but another half of the children's family. It's extremely tough being the only carer.

I’m a 100% solo parent and I know exactly what you mean! There are benefits to it though, like not having to say goodbye X number of days per week which would kill me

Can you work compressed hours and get one day free. That is ment to be your "me" day but eventually turns into chore day? The novelty of that is great while it last?

I work part-time and my ex see dc randomly. When he comes, he see them for few hours and then disappears for months, week or days? Which one will it be? Take a guess. He calls ds1 who is 12yr and make arrangements with him. Like one of his f friends.

I can't fully understand as I have traded free childcare with my mom for the price of no privacy. The dc love her, I am however, losing my patience.

When I got pregnant with DS i made it perfectly clear that if I was to continue with the pregnancy he had to be fully involved, even if we split up. And involved meant having DS on his own, at his own house so I wasn't around to " take over"

Did this after my DDS dad was a useless fecjer who did nothing for them when we were together and basically tried to forget they existed after we split. To the extent of telling his mother to forget she had grandchildren. Was not going to sleepwalk into that again

Be careful what you wish for…

It did 50 50 care of my DS from 4. But in reality we had virtually done it since he was born as we never lived together although had been in a relationship for 10 years.

I was perfectly happy with that scenario. Mind you DS had never ever knownn anything different so he didn't automatically want " mummy"

I actually think this is quite patronising and unhelpful. OP specifically said she didn't want advice and I'm confident that she didn't want your opinion on whether her home life is "healthy".

Some people have no choice but to be a 24/7 parent and personally i dont think its a particularly bad way to live. I spend a LOT of time with my DC and could have more nights off etc but I enjoy their company and we are a close family.

There's nothing "unhealthy" about sacrificing some social life in order to be a present parent. Would you prefer her to be fobbing them off on neighbours every Friday to go down the pub or out on tinder dates?

My dh and I hard having a temporary split which has turned from 2 weeks to 6 weeks and he hasn't really had them by himself for more than an hour in all that time. I am gobsmacked as I thought he was a much more involved parent than that!!! Mine are 10-14 and 2 are autistic. I wouldn't exactly say it is relaxing but I am treasuing the time with them when noone is arguing. It is actually gorgeous.

I do have a good network of friends though so that helps.

I wasn’t a completely single parent and had some help but exh was a bit feckless and no notice of when he’d have them etc so couldn’t make any plans. I did get some time off though and can see it’s very hard not to.

i met my current partner through our kids shared activities when neither of us were looking or expected it, so you never know when that might happen for you.

It’s best to have the attitude to enjoy your very precious time with the kids as they grow up so fast. Enjoy it as much as you can and you never know what life has in store for you .

@INeedIce You honestly would - hand on heart - be happy with being away from your 3 yo for 7 days straight at at time. Not temporarily - permanently. Even when they are sick or just wanting their mummy?
OK then.

I’m sorry you’re finding it hard.

i am 5 months into my separation and so far H has had DD2 overnight at his place once but she doesn’t like it so won’t go again. He has had her for a few hours on a Sunday sometimes (but not every week). DD1 is autistic and they have a terrible relationship so he has only had her very occasionally when there’s literally been no other option. But I am not going to do this again as she hates it.

it is really hard. I understand the guilt at not wanting to ask other people to have your DC as you can’t reciprocate. I am very lucky in that my best friend has DD1 sometimes (including the odd sleepover) as DD1 loves her. It’s sad that she loves my friend more than her own father.

I am hopeful that in the future it becomes easier but in the mean time I just keep reminding myself that however hard it is, it’s still easier than living with him.

I am trying to take small moments of joy when I can. When the kids are asleep I sit on my balcony for 10 mins - no phone, no book, just me and a beer and the stars. It’s lovely.

Try to take some tiny moment where you can and hopefully in the future you’ll get bigger ones.

But lots of love and support to you.

I raised my dd on my own but I did have the support of local friends and family who were happy to babysit occasionally.

I was always grateful not to have to share dd with a useless ex, maybe it’s selfish but I liked being the only parent 🙈

It is tough op but it’s not forever, my dd is 20yo now and currently travelling around Australia!

If I was you, I would dedicate your every existence to finding yourself a new relationship male or female, you need some company and you need some support