Has anyone had success in getting their husband to take on some of the mental load?

So he thinks you're the default householder do everything. You're in his mom slot.

This is not the mental load. This is basic parental care and performing basic tasks. That he can't or won't do them is frightening. If something happens to you those kids are SOL.

Every time he steps over a package rather than bring it in, he's choosing to ignore that.

He could have poisoned his kids spraying RoundUp or whatever he was using on your kids' clothes. That was a choice to leave them there to be covered in weedkiller spray. That's serious parental negligence. Those clothes should have been tossed.

He chose to let his child wander around with a full diaper instead changing it. That's parental neglect.

Your husband chooses incompetence and neglect and negligence rather than be a functional adult in your home.

Is this what you want to model for your kids? That the husband can be a non functional child around the house like them? That misogyny is ok?

I think that poster was being sarcastic, because when women post about their shit blokes they nearly always say 'but he's a great dad!' despite posting a list about how much the man openly hates them and neglects their child.

Do everything for you...dinner, washing, tidying...when he asks where his 'bit ' is...just say didn't think of it.
Also watch Everybody Loves Raymond season 7 episode 2 called 'Baggage' it is just hilarious..and sums this scenario up completely.
Good luck

No way I’d put up with that.

id play him at his own game. Do absolutely nothing for him or anything to do with him. No washing his clothes, no cooking food for him, no anything

I did! After being a SAHM for a few years, I was still the default parent for everything kids related. At one point I told DH he was 100% in charge of

• everything sports related: buying kit, labelling it, washing it, making sure everything came back from school, moulding mouthguards, making sure bags were ready on PE day etc.
• everything kitchen related except meal planning: putting away food deliveries, cooking, washing up, emptying the dishwasher, buying tablets / rinse aid, cleaning surfaces, etc

Now with DC at different schools we are each in charge of the admin for one school (putting events in the calendar, signing up for things, transferring money for charity events etc)

go on say it. Hes a great dad.

1. Go away for a long weekend, leaving him with strict written instructions on the baby’s routine. Being in sole charge for a few days really opens their eyes

That's not mental load OP. That pure not caring with a smattering of child neglect thrown in.

You're married to a man who doesn't know how to adult. You can't fix that.

Assuming your husband diesn’t have learning difficulties, he needs to shape up. Getting him to do that might be a challenge. My husband is absolutely amazing but it was still a journey for us even though he was good starting material in that he was really interested in the kids and being a hands on Dad.
I would try the following:

1. Go away for a long weekend, leaving him with strict written instructions on the baby’s routine. Being in sole charge for a few days really opens their eyes.
2. Talk to him. Explain that you cannot do everything and he needs to pay attention in your home.
3. Get him to do a task while you are doing a task. Eg while you are cooking he sorts laundry. While you do bedtime he cleans the kitchen. That stops them sitting watching football while you fly around.
4. Assuming you aren’t a stay at home mum, make sure school have his number and email.

I would have divorced of my husband wasn't able to carry an equal part of our family.

I actually repeated my husband's minimising excuses back to him and it sort of worked. I also stopped picking up his slack in petty ways so if he left kitchen cupboards open so did I if he didn't put a wash load on I'd just do my delicates and he'd run out if clean pants. I stopped eating and buying bread and milk. His phrases were I didn't see it, I didn't know it needed doing you should have told me etc. I also say please don't use my brain you have your own.

DH is of an age now where he doesn’t remember why he opened the fridge, let alone why he walked into the room. Drives me mad. He’s too busy doing video calls with all his mates to be of any use round the house, though of course he thinks he’s brilliant because he went to Waitrose while I was recovering from bunion surgery. Stellar!

This has nothing to do with mental load, those examples are just pure laziness

I think men only do things that they care about/that benefits them ie their work. Therefore they just don’t think about the other stuff. They are inherently selfish is what it boils down to.

I don’t think these are mental load type stuff - to me that’s more remembering to buy his mum and sister a birthday present or similar or remembering to pay for son’s prom. The stepping over the parcel is just selfish. Need to have a conversation on why he thinks not if it is his responsibility.

I left the class WhatsApp group (secondary) so DH paid for the prom ticket and similar stuff.

He’s a selfish cunt and only thinks of himself as only he himself and him are important. The only way you fix this is become a single parent which actually is a lot easier believe me!!

Did you marry him fresh from his momma's house? He sounds like he's never had to live on his own and adult for himself without someone to do everything for him, like first his mom then you.

He can't change a diaper or not spray poison on kids' clothes because he's lazy and stupid and negligent as a parent. This is a boy playing at being an adult in his home life and failing miserably.

I bet he doesn't underperform at work like this or he'd be out of a job. It's a choice every time and he chooses to make your life harder and his easier.

DH is slightly better now that he has retired. Making things his specific responsibility helped ( eg rubbish,including emptying,cleaning bins, making sure there's new binbags, dealing with any necessary dump trips, dealing with food that has gone off ( though I have to tell him about the last one, he will leave a pan with food in it for a week while doing daily washing up ). He is also responsible for car stuff and preparing for journeys, and is the main driver.
Otherwise things are fairly haphazard, he may or may not remember to do things. Using reminders on his phone for regular things helps, keeping an online shopping list that he can easily access helps, but bottom line is tht although he has improved, I still carry about 75% of the mental load.
When the DC were young and he was working shifts, I did about 95%, so that is an improvement. Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear.
On the plus side, 2 of our 3 sons manage to adult very well, and would be embarrassed if their partner had to take on more than half the load.

Is there something wrong with him? How does someone step over a parcel on the step twice and not think of picking it up and putting it in the house?? Did he grow up with servants? Did you marry King Charles by mistake?

How on earth do you find him attractive and want to have sex with him? this would do a number on my libido.

No idea what you can do because this seems deliberate - in which case nothing will help that level of nastiness or really really unable to cope with normal life.