AIBU to think my manager is resetting boundaries after mixed signals?

You ovetstepped a line you didn't know was there and hit a nerve.
Learn from it and keep it strictly professional with him, from now on. Return from your holiday confident and happy. You deserve better treatment on the relationship front, look elswhere.

Another man with a paper thin ego … they are so tedious. You are well rid, don’t text him, don’t reply if he texts you, keep it at professional. I bet you within weeks he’ll be playing the same game with a different woman.

Youve done nothing wrong .

But she did. She made a remark to a superior in her workplace about being the big boss's favourite and saying how closely they worked together. She implied her superior got his position through favouritism and possibly via a personal relationship with the big boss. You don't say anything that can be taken like that at work, especially to a superior and even more especially to a superior you're seeing outside the office yourself.

I have all the political maneuvering skills of a squirrel and I know not to say shit like that to anyone at the office, much less someone in a higher position.

You embarrassed him with the joke.
Revealed to others that you’re that comfortable with him.
It probably felt like a shift in power, and he didn’t like it.
Now you know he’s not that into you, sadly time to back off.
Agree with PP you should focus on social life outside of work

If thsinis the case surely he could of had a honest and open chat with OP and left things clear in a kind and professional way .he's been shitty .

He could of definitely ha dled this better . He's kinda humiliated you as well as confused you which is unessaracary and unkind . Give the same energy back op cold and professional. Youve done nothing wrong . He's obviously emotionally immature and can't handle thing appropriately .

Yes, I think that's probably it.

Oh dear that’s sad. Perhaps be polite but aloof, hopefully things will settle. It’s not good though to make those sorts of comments, familiarity breeds contempt is kind of apt here

You two were seeing each other outside of work and starting to go on dates and starting to play physically with the hand holding.

You then "joked" about him being the boss's favorite. It's very likely it's exactly what he said, you crossed a professional boundary and he didn't appreciate it. And you did that at work. He can't let that slide. You implied he got where he is due to favoritism. And you having dates with him while saying something like that looks like you're looking for him to give your career a push if he can, so he might think you want favoritism from him.

I think he just realized he was in too deep with a junior employee when you made that comment. You felt you could overstep professional boundaries because of your personal relationship. He just let you know that's not so.

Back off, keep it completely professional from her on out and no more meetups and dates outside the office. Keep your personal life separate and private from your work life.

To be honest I disagree with the responses here, I think you need to be very careful at work and be mindful of some type of retaliation against you. Ie sudden performance concerns to try and remove you from your role bc this guy is now uncomfortable with your presence.

He is clearly taking the first step by putting in writing your “inappropriate behaviour”? What he said, comes across like he is writing it for an audience ie in case he needs to use it as documentation in future.

I think you touched a nerve. He probably doesn't want people thinking he gets preferential treatment of any sort. I think your joke, while at surface level was no different to previous and probably what others have said, was received differently as it comes from you. Your relationship with him is different, so you probably could have made the same joke if you didn't have the relationship with him that you evidently do, or did.

FWIW, I am a man, and I don't think you did anything wrong. He either needs to own it, or change the way he is perceived. You don't have anything to be regretful of. You didn't intend it to be received in the way it apparently was.

If you want to salvage it, or at least try, I would be tempted to juat say something along the lines of "not sure why what I said was received badly, it wasn't meant to be provocative, or cause you to take umbrage." Then leave it there.

If anything develops again, so be it. Or not.

Did you say this in front of other work
colleagues?

Does it sound like someone consciously resetting the relationship because the boundaries had become blurred?

I voted YANBU because you’re thinking - as above - is correct and with you making your joke, it just highlighted this for him. He values his place at work, management position, and doesn’t want this to change. So he’s uncomplicated things and set professional boundaries. Sorry @scared2work he probably does like you but not enough to risk his big boss discovering he’s in a relationship with you.

You’ll have to move on. Enjoy your holiday and forget him. There’s plenty more fish in the sea.

He's not into you , it's become awkward for him move on

So maybe your course of action should be to disengage regardless of whether he is keen or not. As in, if he shows interest in future, you need to back off and protect yourself and consistently do that regardless of him being hot & cold.

Also, given what you said here, chances are someone else has brought you up to him to say his relationship with you is inappropriate. Whether it’s someone in a work context or someone in his personal life. You say he’s single, but the definition of single isn’t that clear cut. He might be living with, or dating someone else, who took issue with the theatre outing. I really doubt in the last few months since you’ve been “close”, that he’s been celibate for example.

He clearly didn’t like having the piss taken out of him at work.

Sounds like he has realised he has behaved inappropriately. The rebuke to you is ridiculous when he has TOTALLY crossed a line. Hand holding? I don’t do that with any of my work friends. The joke may be entirely the excuse he needed as he realised he’d been inappropriate

Definitely try hard and rebalance your life…gym, beauty treatments, massages definitely help reset a hurt heart…have a good moan to women friends or these therapists - they’ll have some tales to tell you I promise 💐💐

Would you have made that sort of joke ‘to his face’ outside of work? I wonder if he found your work joking too different to your lovely personal atmosphere out of work

Going out to the theatre etc can be respectful. Holding hands can be respectful.

Your joke… was it maybe a bit cruel? A bit as if you didn’t respect him?

I mean this kindly. It's all just work. Most of us are basically typing all day. We may lose our jobs at any time. A lot of us have.

I always think of The Devil Wears Prada. They all think the magazine is the most important thing. Outside of that bubble no one cares.

I suspect that somebody (his boss?) warned him that he was behaving in a way that would not help his career. Can I suggest that you also revisit the parameters of your employment? The way you describe it does not sound healthy.

You think the joke was too familiar, but you don't have a problem going for drinks and the theatre with him?! I suggest your idea of a proper working relationship with managers is a bit skewed.