Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

No you should not.

You two need to stop stalking your neighbours and get a life or move somewhere with no neighbours like I did. I get it, neighbours are annoying at times. How dare they enjoy their garden, wear a bikini and vape in their own home!

Sucks to be your kids. For so many reasons.

About once a week my young neighbours sit in the garden, have a drink and a little singsong. It’s so bloody cute.
My other neighbours have just built themselves some sort of fire pit. They sit out on an evening chatting and eating until it turns dark.
Honestly, I’d move somewhere else if neighbours doing normal things upsets you this much.

And I suppose you're going to report him to his company for having friends over in (gasp) his own garden? You really do sound like the neighbour from hell! If he's doing something illegal, report him; otherwise mind your own bl**dy business. You're sounding more like Mary Whitehouse with every comment!

Can you imagine the workplace getting a call?

Oh hello I want to complain about your staff member Steve Stevenson.

Yes?

He regularly enjoys his own garden with friends at a decent and allowed hour!! His wife wears a BIKINI!!

Erm okay?

You must fire him immediately!!!

Op, your attitude is the problem not normal noise from next door's garden.
Who has 'their tits out'?

Try calming apps, try headphones if the anxiety gets too much. Stop your dh snooping on them online. If you carry on with this obsession it will all descend into you getting reported for harassment if you don't learn how to cope.

100% this. Thank goodness the OP isn’t my neighbour. We had a party for my daughter last night, in the garden. 30 16 year olds. Loud, singing, dancing, tv on with the football on for the boys, music playing, I pre warned my neighbours as I knew there would be noise and it went on until 11.i live in a new build with people either side. It’s a one off and everyone was totally fine with it and said it’s nice to see the kids having fun in a safe place rather than wandering the streets. everyone is entitled to enjoy their home and garden and accept that some times, there will be a bit of noice from the sound of people living their life.

imagine getting het up about some people IN THEIR OWN garden, wearing bikinis! And talking! And having fun!

We have neighbours incapable of using a quiet voice (late night smokers too), and they had friends round on the patio until 1.30pm so be thankful it's only 9pm. Sadly you can't do what you're suggesting. I'd definitely follow other posters advice of paddling pool, radio, bouncing ball on patio, BBQ. Reclaim your garden and accept it's not going to be a quiet haven. 😔
Edited to add if they complain about the new noise say we're just trying to drown out your noise/ your work conversations

I feel for you OP but it doesn’t sound like they are doing anything that crosses the boundaries. We also have an outdoor office next door and a loud teams caller but luckily it only lasts a few hours.

I’m all for being considerate neighbours, but I think you’re seriously overreacting.

Focus on your own garden, plant something along the boundary, make your own garden a little sanctuary for you and ignore next door. They don’t sound that bad, if occasionally a bit loud. They are entitled to sit and gossip or work outside as long as they aren’t talking about confidential info.

Living in that kind of environment isn’t for everyone and perhaps a new build estate isn’t for you.

I think YABU. If they were playing loud music into the early hours fair enough but they're not and what they wear is none of your business.

If this sort of thing bothers you, you really shouldn't live on a housing estate but somewhere remote where you don't have immediate neighbours.

I get you but you can’t do it!

This has got to be a wind up. What is he going to do with that information?

. . .I'm so disappointed in myself for taking the bait. There's still time for me to delete this comment and disengage but, nope, I'm going to click 'post' 😔

So? If you are actually going to do anything with this information that’s poisonous.

There is a nightmare neighbour in this scenario - and it’s not living next door to you…..

You are setting yourself up for a war with your neighbours if your DH pops round. 9pm is considerate. Wearing a bikini in this heat is normal. You sound jealous.
Invest in some tall plants/bushes that you can grow next to their side.

I will never understand why people who clearly dislike other human beings live on new build estates.

OP everything you've described is completely normal, summer behaviour. Deal with it. I'm sure they hate your kids squealing, shouting, giggling, bickering (and don't act all saint-like, these are normal child behaviours)* *but they haven't harassed you about it. Honestly just get on with it.

Edited to add that your bikini comments are absolutely outrageous and scream of your own insecurities. Presumably you don't get bent out of shape at the beach/swimming pool when people where swimwear so your comments are absurd. Imagine someone caring that much about what you wore in your own home 🙄

What on earth has that got to do with anything?

Ok you’ve a v small garden and your kids are nosey and you can’t control them if they use it, I think that’s valid.

on the rest though, honestly originally I thought it was you were judgey, but you just come across as jealous bitter and resentful. That these people have a social life, friends, have fun, and the women are comfortable to wear bikinis. It does look like you have none of this stuff, and I think you’re only in your 30s

you commented most people are home with their families, no, most people have a mix, of course they stay home with their families, but they also have friends, fun, the two are not mutually exclusive.

the thing is your utter jealousy and bitterness is driving you to behave poorly, instead of getting in a flap, try to understand what it tells you about your own unhappiness, what do you need to do, make friends, get a social life, lose weight? It’s really better to resolve the issue rather than attack others.

your neighbours are going to live their lives, as they please, in their own home, as they should. They will not stop so you feel better about your life.

🤣🤣 am dying to know the outcome of this fabulous suggestion ! just gonna get the 🍿

@Guarddogdaschunds you are coming across as terribly judgemental and convinced that your way of living and values are the only acceptable ones - they aren’t.

It’s curious that for someone who values privacy as much as you do, and seemingly dislikes people who don’t adhere to your rules, you chose to live in close proximity to neighbours.

I am a bit sympathetic. We live in a detached house on a quarter acre plot and rural (so in theory have fewer neighbour problems) and have a booming neighbour also. He's also mostly deaf so he shouts. He also drinks and gets a bit violent. Plus he has a sweet habit of thinking he is the street King and likes to shoves notes through the letterboxes of everyone else when he thinks they have transgressed some law known only to him. (Our latest note related to us putting up a bird feeder in our detached garden. He doesn't like birds, and he really does not like birds flying over his garden.).

He's a fan of bbqs, sitting outside until 1 am, and having mostly women around who he peacocks at. Hes not a fan of wearing his hearing aid so he has to shout to hear himself and everyone else apparently has to shout back. He also this week appears to have bought himself an electric guitar with amplifier and is displaying to his guests how well he can play 3 chords.

I'd like to say i suck it up, because i do. But it fucking grates.

I’d much rather hear their conversations about dating and work dramas then screaming kids!
seriously OP, you sound so ridiculously entitled it’s laughable. They can do what they want in their own garden.