AIBU to cut people off based on their words/actions?

I’m with @DogAnxiety TBH, having been a victim of domestic abuse in my marriage, I also think it was unreasonable of him to have left a voice note about such a sensitive topic, especially already knowing your views. I think as women we are still socially pressured to be more forgiving and “nice” and “kind” and “understanding” especially towards men. Who often take advantage of that consciously or unconsciously.

I have zero tolerance now for people that piss me off.

As far as I’m concerned, people who piss me off are dead to me, I won’t acknowledge they exist.

Recently I got blocked by an old friend. I was recently bereaved and had no bandwidth for her insensitivity and I offended her by snapping at her.
It seems clear to me now that she had never really cared for me, or she wouldn’t have blocked me. All my close friends, I told them about it, and they all said that she was never really a friend, and she just showed it.
I’ve digested her absence and realised they were right. If she had genuine warmth toward me she would have given me latitude and been kind.
Nobody pivots into rapid rejection and coldness, toward someone they truly care for. Not for a communication hiccough.

Its situation specific isn’t it?

There is definitely a place for the hardline approach with someone you are sure you want to exclude from your life and I don’t believe in giving people multiple chances when they have shown they can’t be trusted.

Your approach does seem a bit brutal though. Human relationships aren’t always black or white. As a general rule I think people are too trigger happy with blocking and deleting. Its the nuclear option which you can’t easily come back from and unnecessarily dramatic.

Can you explain the relevance of your mum’s ex in all of this ?

Anyway you discussed a break up of a 2 year relationship because he didn’t communincate something to you in the way you think he should have. Fair enough that’s entirely your perogative. To summarise, you cried and were sad for a bit. Either this 2 year relationship was not that deep or your personality is to lock emotions away and minimise them as much as possible. It’s projecting a very very brittle image of you. If you weren’t that upset about the break up then there’s nothing to discuss but I wonder why you feel the need for a long post here about it.

In the past I would have said you were being too harsh. Now, being older and much more experienced, I salute you and think this is entirely fine behaviour. Women tolerate far too much bad behaviour from men. Cutting them off sends a clear message.

I don’t think either man here has done wrong. Your mum’s ex has moved on after they’d split, if I’m understanding correctly.

Your ex has realised he maybe does want kids so you’re not compatible. He may have used a voice note as people used letters years ago- to get their thoughts out about a difficult topic without being interrupted. it wouldn’t make sense to restart anything with him as you now know you’re not compatible in terms of major future plans/ dreams.

Why has your mums ex done wrong? If he is sing me he can go and see and do whatever he wants and doesn’t owe you an explanation?

Your ex, I think he was wrong to tell you over voicenote but I also think that this kind of topic is really difficult for some people and I’m he agreed it was wrong when you spoke face to face. I think it’s pretty normal for people to not be 100% sure about kids and at least he was upfront about that instead of wasting your time.
If you don’t want to be friends with him you don’t have to be and I think if he has been continuing to send you those unwanted messages without any response from you then i would either block him or just reply and say something like x we spilt however long ago and it’s time to stop sending these kinds of messages to me as I have moved on.

Your mum's ex is an ex, not a partner so hasn't done anything wrong as far as I can see.

I have no time for people who act like idiots and clowns and I don't engage with them.

I understand your rationale, and certainly wouldn’t encourage you to remain ‘close’ or trustful of these people, but your responses are quite extreme with blocking and behaving as though they’re dead to you.
You say ‘is there no middle ground?’ Yes, there is! And you’re not finding it.
There’s no need to cut people off because of mistakes made or personality flaws. You can just quietly learn who they are, remove any trust or dependency you had with them, and simply become civil, courteous, but no more.

YOU will make mistakes and/or disappoint people at times. Wouldn’t you hope for a softer landing with them than you currently offer to others?

It's your life and your call.

I am curious as to why you feel the need to get an opinion from MN though?

I would guess if a couple of your friends and your mum have felt the need to say something maybe your tolerance for feeling wronged is a little of the bar?

I mean it’s up to you isn’t it? I’ve never felt the need to actively block someone, but I have made decisions not to give them any more time, but generally they’ve been pretty big clowns for that.
there’s probably just no need to be so black and white, if relationships don’t work let them fade