AIBU to set a hen do budget that may exclude some guests?

Yeah but on this one, she just needs to get them to commit (non-refundable) and then absolutely forget about accommodation and prices!

There's only so much you can do in these situations with big groups of people!

I just wanted to say you’re doing a great job and being v considerate op!
I’m the organizer of the group and balancing budgets and preferences is hard work.

@CheekyTealFawn remember you're a human being doing this for free on top of your day job. You're not a paid events planner 😊

The only slightly awkward thing will be if the pp costs are cheaper the fewer people go based on the option to change the accommodation as it could mean it becomes affordable for people if others drop out (it's obviously normally the other way round).

But that's just how it is, so I think you just have to detach a bit from the awkwardness/complexity of it all and just present the facts so you can move the conversation on. Perhaps making it about people confirming based on dates/costs (rather than just costs).

I'm so glad all my friends and family are already married. This sort of problem makes me feel stressed just reading about it!

Why the hell are bride-to-bes so entitled? It's bizarre! What's wrong with a night out at a nice bar/a nice dinner? Gosh, everyone really does think they're a princess.

Yes it would be cruel to exclude some people because their budget doesn't allow for it.

Why isn’t the bride paying if she wants an expensive option which will exclude some of her friends

I think you do have to talk to the bride.

You don't have to give her any details, but saying 'Looking at hen do options for you, and budget-wise I think it's going to be really difficult to do something decent for you at a budget everyone can afford. Are you OK with me setting a budget that might mean certain people can't come, or would you rather we scaled it right back to something more low-key that everyone could attend?' would be the right approach I think.

FWIW I'm going on a hen do in a couple of months and it's two nights, sharing rooms in an Airbnb, in a UK city, with a couple of activities, a meal out, and food provided at the Airbnb, and that's costing £250pp.

@CheekyTealFawn Sorry I missed off a bit.

You need to get people to commit they are happy with a price between the min and max you've found and then that's that.

Then once this bit is booked, you can carry on with the rest of it, which is less stressful!

This. I told my sisters my hen do had to:

• be based in the city where most of us lived
• have offers of free accomodation for the three friends travelling
• involve no more than a not too expensive activity, meal & drinks.

We had a brilliant night.

I think you need to provide a price range (based on 12 or 15 guests), give a deadline to confirm who's coming and say that you will be asking for payment in full a week later, and will confirm the amount due based on final numbers confirmed ahead of this. The amount you ask them to transfer should be based on however many people confirmed they were coming by the deadline. And yes, once they've paid it's non-refundable because it'll increase everyone else's costs if anyone drops out at a later date.

Hopefully that makes sense!

@CheekyTealFawn I have been a bridesmaid many times and I am also the bossy planner friend in most groups so I have, ahem, experience in this area.

I would go back to the group and say "I've researched accommodation options and the price will be between £X and £Y all dependent on how many people are able to attend"

(X = Price of 12 bed/ 10)
(Y = Price of 15 bed/13)

Don't invite any more opinions other than that.

Yes, maybe the bride has picked an expensive area etc etc, but make this easy for yourself which means just lay it out and then you make a call.

If you don't get take up for say 10 on this basis, go back to the bride and say you need a re-think on area.

I’ve recently been on a 2 night hen do in a country house up north, £275 a person everything included, we did have to share rooms, but it included a private chef from masterchef which I think was £80 a person, the lady who owned the house did a Pilates class for us and had a friend who did mindfulness. We brought our own drink.

Can you tell us which area you are looking in to see if anyone can help? I don’t think you’ll be able to find anything for two nights for £100 a person

But it’s HER day!!! She can’t possibly be expected to behave like a decent friend for the year of her wedding, surely?

You have to talk to the bride. She can’t just relinquish any responsibility. They are all her friends. She’s the common denominator.

Tell her ‘there’s no way Sarah and Jane can afford anything half decent, what should I do?’

She needs to tell you what to do.

I genuinely don’t understand this desire to share houses/villas for large gatherings. Some people invariably end up sleeping on the floor and there are never enough toilets/bathrooms. Give me a Premier Inn with my own en-suite any day! The house/villa sharing only works when people are wealthy enough to have the right number of bedrooms and bathrooms for the number of guests. And a chef.

Can the bride pay the difference for the 2 guests who can’t afford it? (as a genuine solution, not sarcasm)

You can a lot about a bride whether she puts the people or the photos first in the priority list!

I'd send a message with the dilemma to the group and say this is the best I can find. If anyone can do better, please tell me, or you will book on Monday - although if two drop out, then you will have more costs for all.