AIBU to set a hen do budget that may exclude some guests?

for 15 people keeping within the £100 person budget and 1 wanting their own room? I can only assume you've not tried renting anything in this country recently. Bonkers prices unless you're prepared to look at a caravan or something very basic with dorm-style rooms

I think you went about this the wrong way. You asked the budgets of people so now they will expect you to consider that and feel slighted when you don’t. I did my cousins recently. She wanted to do the big house thing.

When I made the chat I said “this is what we are doing, the cost will be somewhere between £300 and £350 for overnight stay, food and activities, who is coming?”

Paying for a nicer hotel room which means you need to keep food bills and actual activities to a minimum is quite ludicrous, in my opinion.
Add the fact that some of the bride’s friends will be priced out…
Do it properly.

You're going to have to be direct, otherwise you'll be dealing with uncertainty, which in the long run is going to piss people off if you end up having to ask them to chip in more money if/when people drop out. Or, you'll have to suck up costs yourself which you shouldn't have to do.

I know it feels uncomfortable but giving them all a deadline to confirm is the simplest way to move this forward and shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone.

Be very much prepared for the bride to this back on to you.

She wants her princess party before her princess day , and will stamp her feet until she gets it.

Hen do's often have a way of ' changing' the bridesmaid / MOH line up when people don't indulge in these ridiculously expensive parties.

What I guarantee will happen is that at least 2 of the guests will say yes under duress, and the drop out before the hen actually happens. This will lead to a falling out and an ' univite' to the wedding.

Tale as old as time.

Ah sorry It was for 12 girls, just reread your posts and you are 15, I still think there should be something to work around £250 a person for most things included! Also if you’re in a big house and doing activities there you could be in a cheaper location in a nicer house? Rather than paying for a fancier location but not going out much.

It’s so hard to find something to suit everyone especially as it seems like you haven’t had much help from the others.

also cheap/free activities you can do in the house:
mr & mrs quiz
wine tasting/cocktail making at the house
scavenger hunt type thing
sports day
going for a walk/hike

I think you’re going to need an entire cocktail bar at this rate. 🍸

Just for accomodations before anything else?

I didn’t have a hen party because of the stress I endured planning my friends. It was awful. I wish I had stood up to her more and said no.

Sounds familiar. My friend spent a lot of the weekend sulking because people weren’t behaving in a way that she expected (either too quiet, too drunk, too loud). 20+ women spent upwards of £500 each. I was so disappointed with her.

Agree - my sister recently paid in the upper hundreds to attend a hen party in an expensive european city. The bride looked round the table at the 20 odd women who had paid all this money to attend, sighed and said "it's such a shame Sandra and Susan didn't make the effort to come" 😲

This woman is 40+ years old with friends the same age with financial and childcare responsibilities. Just bonkers. My sister has gone right off her after the way she has carried on during her wedding and hen.

Some people just have no sense of perspective.

So it’s within budget for the majority. I can’t see the issue.

@Phonicshaskilledmeoff I get why you would suggest this, but for OP's sanity I think she needs to set up a group (if she hadn't already), post the details and ask for everyone to confirm by the given deadline.

ETA: Full disclosure I have never organised a hen do but I have been invited to many and my day job is stakeholder management 😂

When I was planning a friends hen, there were several people in the group who said they couldn’t afford it. I spoke with the bride about it and her response was an angry ‘people find a way for these kind of things, don’t they?’…

You should approach the subject with the bride but don’t expect it to go well. Unfortunately there’s a wave of brides (and grooms) who think that the world revolves around their weddings and subsequent events.

Ultimately, I ended up having to price people out so the bride could have her perfect, instagrammable hen party. We weren’t friends much longer after this.

You 100% won't get the correct number for the easy option!

My money is on you getting 13...😂

Could you just contact them individually and say this is the £££ situation and ask what they’d like to do.

Also - make sure you get a fairly chunky deposit from everyone before you book and stipulate it isn’t refundable. People are very flakey when they have no money in the game

This.

Agreed @ricketybeauty

I half suspect the guests on a very low budget still won't be able to afford the "cheapest" option for this hen do (or any hen do that involved an overnight stay), so it might not even be an issue.

It’s not your fault OP but this is everything that’s wrong with a lot of modern hen dos (and weddings). If guests can’t afford certain things at stag / hen parties, either the bride and groom should subsidise things or lower their expectations. As the organiser, you’ll need to relay that the budget of the group (not person x) and sharing requirements (don’t single people out) means plan A just isn’t feasible.

It should be about celebrating with friends - all of them. Everyone gave their budgets. You know what the lowest budget is - it’s not fair to ignore that. If the bride wants to subsidise that friend to make the trip happen, she can. Otherwise the party becomes less about friends and sends a message that some of them are disposable instead of planning something that is more affordable.

I mean with what @PetuniaTabbernacle has said, if you'd got someone who'd said I could only do up to £200 if it will be less than that with me in, let me know. I'd do that but don't do mental gymnastics to work back to include them. Just if it's easy and makes sense!

I'd be tempted to book the affordable place for 12 people and hope/expect some drop out! Can that place accommodate extra guests if they're prepared to sleep on a bed sofa or blow up mattress? Not ideal but some guests might compromise. Some rentals have firm rules about max capacity though.
Ask everyone to bring a bottle and some snacks. The main meal can be a big lasagne with salad and garlic bread, for example.
You are doing a kind thing organising this but can only do so much. It's like herding cats, eh?