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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to set a hen do budget that may exclude some guests?

394 replies

CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 00:16

I’m the maid of honour at my best friend’s wedding, and I’m currently trying to organise her hen do.

The bride wants nothing to do with the organisation or planning of it, or to even know anything about it until the day arrives. Though( she has given me a few must-haves, a location and a list of people to invite.

I asked everyone for budgets before I started. One said £100pp for accommodation, another £150pp. The rest said £300-500. The brides sister also refuses to share a twin bedroom.

After weeks of searching I’ve realised I simply can’t find anything I’d actually want to take the bride to within those budgets. Everything in budget is either miles from where we want to be or frankly a bit grim.

I’ve now found somewhere I think she’d genuinely love, but it’s £250pp for accommodation alone if everyone shares rooms. This is the nicest I can find at the lowest cost pp. I plan to keep other costs down by cooking for everyone and keeping paid activities to a minimum, which I know the bride would enjoy as she just wants to relax.

I’m thinking I should just book it and tell people that’s the cost. I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of excluding 2 people. But I don’t see how I can justify booking an awful place I know the bride would be disappointed with and potentially even disgusted by, or a nicer place in a more affordable place that she doesn’t want to go to. But then again, the bride really wants them there.

My boyfriend thinks I’m being unreasonable and should speak to the bride about changing her hen do idea so everyone can come. I think it’s impossible to cater to 15 different budgets and so someone has to compromise, but it shouldn’t be the bride.

OP posts:
HMW19061 · 26/06/2026 13:30

I’d speak bride and explain and see if she can choose a cheaper location

Nearly50omg · 26/06/2026 13:30

You need to tell the bride she needs to take responsibility for HER hen!!!

Nearly50omg · 26/06/2026 13:29

You haven’t factored in fussiness with food/coeliac disease/food allergies/dietry choices - vegetarian/vegans - a “bit of pasta and pizza” will throw up massive issues you can guarantee when 3/4 of them say I can’t/wont eat that!!

paradisecircus · 26/06/2026 13:28

Actually sorry that's probably for 2 nights isn't it, but it's still a lot

paradisecircus · 26/06/2026 13:26

The lowest cost accommodation you can find is £500 for a twin room? Wow.
I think you should have a conversation with the bride.

SistarSystem · 26/06/2026 13:26

MapleLeaf190 · 26/06/2026 13:20

I can’t understand these comments at all. Every hen I’ve been on has been a weekend away or a flight somewhere for a long weekend. All my friends treated it as a fun opportunity to have a girls trip with our good friends. If it wasn’t affordable, you just didn’t go and no one was upset.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all, unless the bride would prefer something less expensive so everyone can go. If she wants to go away, she will have to accept not everyone can make it.

I think it differs between generations, where you live and class to a degree

Netcurtainnelly · 26/06/2026 13:22

Besidemyselfwithworry · 26/06/2026 00:19

Why do all these hen do’s have to involve an expensive overnight/weekend stay these days???
whats wrong with a spa “day” or a “meal” out

I think there is a massive expectation that people will want to spend this sort of money and unless everyone is really well off and can afford it I’d be speaking to the bridge regarding making it more inclusive.

Id refuse to organise. How stressful. Just a simple day or evening out is enough.

familyissues12345 · 26/06/2026 13:21

lavenderrosedaisy · 26/06/2026 00:23

I couldn’t go to the hen do of my best friend (and I was the only bridesmaid!) as she wanted to go abroad and I couldn’t justify the cost so someone else organised it. No hard feelings either side and I took her out to do something else.

I would tell her though that her desires mean excluding some of her loved ones and let her decide.

Wow if my best mate had to miss out on my hen do due to finances I would have changed it!

MapleLeaf190 · 26/06/2026 13:20

I can’t understand these comments at all. Every hen I’ve been on has been a weekend away or a flight somewhere for a long weekend. All my friends treated it as a fun opportunity to have a girls trip with our good friends. If it wasn’t affordable, you just didn’t go and no one was upset.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all, unless the bride would prefer something less expensive so everyone can go. If she wants to go away, she will have to accept not everyone can make it.

OVienna · 26/06/2026 13:17

CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 13:15

Exactly, I have no idea where anyone on here is getting it from that £100pp for 2 nights is doable. It isn’t. I’ve tried for weeks to figure this out.

Well I thought with the lunch out (it’s only one day lunch would be necessary) we’re going to be hiking or doing walking trails anyways, usually they don’t have frequent cafes etc around so some sort of packed lunch will be needed regardless of whether it’s sat by a lake or perched on a tree stump in a forest if that makes sense!

Show quote history

It does.

I also think that if you explain the rationale for where you've landed with costs, the £100-150 crew may have a wake-up call and realise they are being unrealistic.

OVienna · 26/06/2026 13:17

CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 13:15

Exactly, I have no idea where anyone on here is getting it from that £100pp for 2 nights is doable. It isn’t. I’ve tried for weeks to figure this out.

Well I thought with the lunch out (it’s only one day lunch would be necessary) we’re going to be hiking or doing walking trails anyways, usually they don’t have frequent cafes etc around so some sort of packed lunch will be needed regardless of whether it’s sat by a lake or perched on a tree stump in a forest if that makes sense!

Show quote history

It does.

I also think that if you explain the rationale for where you've landed with costs, the £100-150 crew may have a wake-up call and realise they are being unrealistic.

TwinklySquid · 26/06/2026 13:17

Why can’t the sister share with the bride?
When people start adding all these conditions, it’s going to be a nightmare. You need to select a place, say it’s x amount and everyone shares to keep costs down.

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 13:15

OVienna · 26/06/2026 13:09

OP - I feel really bad for you, I'd find this super challenging. It sounds like a full time job trying to sort it all out.

I think you have to assume for the budgets at the £100/150 pp for two nights (are you really sure they didn't mean per night?!) those people are saying in so many words that they don't want to go. I travel a bit around the UK and honestly, especially at £100 for two nights, you'd be looking at a room in someone's house in an AirBnB. It is just simply not what things unfortunately cost these days. I have read your posts and if I've got the wrong end of the stick, I apologise. But I don't think the £250 you've found is unreasonable and I'd feel confident just putting it out there and letting the chips fall where they lay, given all of the other complexities involved with the guests and choosing a location.

One thing I would say though is that all of this cooking sounds well-intentioned but it is probably prudent to plan for some food out. Do you really think you will be doing picnics by the river? That said, a reservation at a pub for 12-15 is no mean feat.

Exactly, I have no idea where anyone on here is getting it from that £100pp for 2 nights is doable. It isn’t. I’ve tried for weeks to figure this out.

Well I thought with the lunch out (it’s only one day lunch would be necessary) we’re going to be hiking or doing walking trails anyways, usually they don’t have frequent cafes etc around so some sort of packed lunch will be needed regardless of whether it’s sat by a lake or perched on a tree stump in a forest if that makes sense!

OP posts:
PetuniaTabbernacle · 26/06/2026 13:15

OVienna · 26/06/2026 13:14

I agree with @stichguru but I am also wondering if the people at the lower budget end want to go anyway...

I suspect so. It's like the opposite of a tradesperson giving you a ridiculously expensive quote to do a job.

OVienna · 26/06/2026 13:14

I agree with @stichguru but I am also wondering if the people at the lower budget end want to go anyway...

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 13:09

stichguru · 26/06/2026 13:08

Sorry but I think you HAVE to speak to the bride.
"I think it’s impossible to cater to 15 different budgets and so someone has to compromise, but it shouldn’t be the bride."
Whatever you THINK about whether the bride SHOULD compromise, the bride WILL HAVE TO compromise and is THE ONLY ONE who can!

If BRIDE want's to do XYZ with a group of people including A&B then if she's

  • doing XYZ, but without A&B
  • doing only X&Y but with A&B
  • doing something totally different with A&B
SHE IS MAKING made a compromise, and should be the one deciding what compromise to make.

You’re absolutely right. Hadn’t seen it that way, thank you!

OP posts:
OVienna · 26/06/2026 13:09

OP - I feel really bad for you, I'd find this super challenging. It sounds like a full time job trying to sort it all out.

I think you have to assume for the budgets at the £100/150 pp for two nights (are you really sure they didn't mean per night?!) those people are saying in so many words that they don't want to go. I travel a bit around the UK and honestly, especially at £100 for two nights, you'd be looking at a room in someone's house in an AirBnB. It is just simply not what things unfortunately cost these days. I have read your posts and if I've got the wrong end of the stick, I apologise. But I don't think the £250 you've found is unreasonable and I'd feel confident just putting it out there and letting the chips fall where they lay, given all of the other complexities involved with the guests and choosing a location.

One thing I would say though is that all of this cooking sounds well-intentioned but it is probably prudent to plan for some food out. Do you really think you will be doing picnics by the river? That said, a reservation at a pub for 12-15 is no mean feat.

stichguru · 26/06/2026 13:08

Sorry but I think you HAVE to speak to the bride.
"I think it’s impossible to cater to 15 different budgets and so someone has to compromise, but it shouldn’t be the bride."
Whatever you THINK about whether the bride SHOULD compromise, the bride WILL HAVE TO compromise and is THE ONLY ONE who can!

If BRIDE want's to do XYZ with a group of people including A&B then if she's

  • doing XYZ, but without A&B
  • doing only X&Y but with A&B
  • doing something totally different with A&B
SHE IS MAKING made a compromise, and should be the one deciding what compromise to make.
PullTheBricksDown · 26/06/2026 13:06

CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 13:00

She said she doesn’t mind and will pay whatever we find! Honestly, I’m not sure where people are finding spa days cheaper than £100pp. The other thing is that that only works for local friends, of which most of the guest list is not. Everyone else is going to have to pay to travel regardless, but it means most have to sort out own accommodation and travel expenses to attend this spa day. It’s going to be equally expensive. It’s very difficult with everyone being from all over the UK and from abroad

Show quote history

Be more specific. Say that others can't afford it, so can she confirm she's fine with that location even if only half the guests end up coming?

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 13:03

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/06/2026 13:01

Agree, my friendship has never been the same since I declined to spend a weekend in the USA dressed up as a mini hen so the bride could buy cheap bridesmaids dresses there as well as a luxe weekend away in a UK city requiring flights and hotel plus activities.
Still don't regret it. I had more important things to spend money on and spending £1000 to save her $100 was an easy choice to make.

Show quote history

I mean that’s crazy, especially if heading over from the UK. My personal opinion is that I wouldn’t do this either. Not even for my best friend, because there’s no way I could afford it. I wouldn’t be upset with her for doing what she wants even if I can’t attend, because the trip isn’t about me, but I would also expect her not to be upset with me either for not being able to attend

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/06/2026 13:01

SistarSystem · 26/06/2026 11:57

Agree - my sister recently paid in the upper hundreds to attend a hen party in an expensive european city. The bride looked round the table at the 20 odd women who had paid all this money to attend, sighed and said "it's such a shame Sandra and Susan didn't make the effort to come" 😲

This woman is 40+ years old with friends the same age with financial and childcare responsibilities. Just bonkers. My sister has gone right off her after the way she has carried on during her wedding and hen.

Some people just have no sense of perspective.

Show quote history

Agree, my friendship has never been the same since I declined to spend a weekend in the USA dressed up as a mini hen so the bride could buy cheap bridesmaids dresses there as well as a luxe weekend away in a UK city requiring flights and hotel plus activities.
Still don't regret it. I had more important things to spend money on and spending £1000 to save her $100 was an easy choice to make.

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 13:00

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/06/2026 12:56

Just a thought - have you asked the bride what her budget is personally or is she assuming you will all cover her costs? ie. is she being a CF ?

She has specified location etc. I would go back to her and say that after a lot of shopping around that with accommodation, food, transport etc it's looking like £XXX which will likely financially exclude some of her guest list. Before you ask people to confirm, you wanted to check with her that she has budgeted to spend that sort of cash as you know weddings are expensive [and it's not reasonable to expect your hen party to cover a weekend in Marbella or whatever she had in mind] so if she wanted to rethink there's a lower cost option for a lovely spa day at X with dinner at Y.

She said she doesn’t mind and will pay whatever we find! Honestly, I’m not sure where people are finding spa days cheaper than £100pp. The other thing is that that only works for local friends, of which most of the guest list is not. Everyone else is going to have to pay to travel regardless, but it means most have to sort out own accommodation and travel expenses to attend this spa day. It’s going to be equally expensive. It’s very difficult with everyone being from all over the UK and from abroad

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 26/06/2026 12:57

KilkennyCats · 26/06/2026 12:31

Paying for a nicer hotel room which means you need to keep food bills and actual activities to a minimum is quite ludicrous, in my opinion.
Add the fact that some of the bride’s friends will be priced out… Confused
Do it properly.

activities aren’t to a minimum? The area we’re in there’s so much to do for free, meaning paid activities aren’t actually required. The cost of activities is minimal. As for food, either I say to people “rough budget for food is £150-200 each to eat out” or I say “we can do pizza nights and fajita nights and picnics by the lake for a minimal cost”.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/06/2026 12:56

Just a thought - have you asked the bride what her budget is personally or is she assuming you will all cover her costs? ie. is she being a CF ?

She has specified location etc. I would go back to her and say that after a lot of shopping around that with accommodation, food, transport etc it's looking like £XXX which will likely financially exclude some of her guest list. Before you ask people to confirm, you wanted to check with her that she has budgeted to spend that sort of cash as you know weddings are expensive [and it's not reasonable to expect your hen party to cover a weekend in Marbella or whatever she had in mind] so if she wanted to rethink there's a lower cost option for a lovely spa day at X with dinner at Y.

Namesuggestion101 · 26/06/2026 12:50

You need to talk to the bride. The guest list was an essential, so she needs to decide which is more important, venue or guests.

She needs to know nothing of the actual party.