AIBU to set a hen do budget that may exclude some guests?

speak to the bride and tell her to cop on. I’m not able for the current trend of drama around hen parties I want to be able to go on a fun NIGHT out and then home to my bed. I don’t want to have to give up a whole bloody weekend or use annual leave so often it’s not the cost itself it’s all the other factors that stop me. The problem here is OP you won’t be able to please everyone. Regardless of what budget you come back with some will think it’s too expensive and others will want something nicer. You are in a no win situation here.

Just arrange a meal out and a few drinks. Nobody in this current climate has £££s to waste on a silly hen do.

Or two hen do’s.
First weekend away, or whatever the OP is trying to organize.
Second a night out in town.
Everyone gets invited to both.

Don't do this.

I wouldn't want to be subsidised any more than I'd want to pay more to subsidise others tbh.

The hens might not all know each other. Its a bituch expecting them to cover the costs of strangers!

Your boyfriend is right. Speak to the bride and tell her she needs to adjust her expectations a bit. I also think hen dos have got a bit out of hand. It's not just the financial cost but the time commitments too. Expecting 15 other people to give up that amount of time when presumably everyone works/has their own lives and commitments is also ridiculous.

Just go out for a meal in your local town like everyone I know.

You sound insanely over privileged whether it’s true or not.

your bf sounds like a good egg and has his head screwed on. Listen to him.

Here’s a completely crazy idea….how about all of you just go out for a nice meal near where you all live and maybe a few drinks afterwards? Because I doubt anyone that you invite really wants to go on this hen and spend all this money, however much it costs.

It shouldn't cost other people £100s when someone else is getting married, I think its as easy as that.

Is that £250 for 1 or 2 nights?

How many people is that between?

Surely those who refuse to share a room have to pay double those who will as they are taking up two spaces?

Do the house you found have room for those two, or will the others be paying more if they don’t go?

If the Bride wants a specific expensive location, she will need to pay.

Sorry but this sounds ridiculous. You know two people won't be able to afford it, so will this then push up the cost for everyone else (assuming you are splitting it equally between everyone and even potentially covering the hens amount).

I think what you need to make the hen realise is what is more important - having friends who are happy to be there to celebrate their big day or having some fancy do that not everyone can attend and those that do might resent due to the cost, but that's ok as she will get her photos for social media and be able to brag about where she went.

Don't do this. One guaranteed way to breed resentment before the hen do happens!

I disagree with this. Some of the people who said £150 might earn just as much but just not want to spend more on a hen do (sensible, and how I would feel). Other guests shouldn't have to subsidise that.

I’d the bride wants them there then you adapt to their budget and tell the bride why. It’s crazy how much emphasis/expense is put on hen dos now!

I’ve been (badly) doing the sums and 250x15 is over £4k.. for accommodation only?! And SHARING? What is she expecting, a castle? Penthouse in London? What’s the area? My thoughts is it’ll be all about the aesthetic and the insta.. is she a big follower of reality tv? @CheekyTealFawn

You need to speak to the bride. She can decide if she'd sacrifice location to have the people she wants there.

250 for just accommodation is probably 500 all in for food, travel etc. I wouldn't pay that.

Group chat - talk to everyone.

Im assuming @CheekyTealFawn that the bride is one of those who thinks the hens pay for her?

You are doing this for the bride. The bride wants her friends there including the poorer ones.

Most people can manage up to £300 but there's a couple who can only manage £150. Your best price is £250 pp.

So for the sake of giving the bride what she wants, you tell everyone that the cost pp is £300 and that includes a small contribution to the costs of the least well-off attendees. If wverone who can afford £300 pays £300 then the spare £50 contributions can be used to subsidise those who can only afford £150

Anyone who is nasty about that isn't a goof friend to the bride.

As someone said above:

I think she deserves the right of reply. At least ask her if she would rather compromise on location, quality or keeping it affordable to everyone.

There is such a thing as an impossible task so it's ok to cut yourself some slack!

Also there's a chance their budgets are on the lower side because they don't value this type of thing. I'd spend £300 on a weekend of my choosing, but not necessarily on a hen with a bunch of people I don't know. They might not care if not included. But might be difficult to gauge if that's the case.

Speak to the bride. Old school friend and I paid between us for other best friend from school, as we wouldn’t have gone without her. But it was only £200 a head 3 days abroad, 16yrs ago. So much more now. I’d want to know if I was bride. Bride’s
sister can pay double if doesn’t want to share.

Can you give different options for different budgets to the same place - some people come for the day and only need to pay for access, not a room, others can pay more for a single room etc. You might find that more people than you expect don’t want to stay overnight to save money. But the bride still gets a relaxing stay.

This is what I’d do for mine as it’s what I want and Id want them there. But some people make bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. So who knows

bride needs to decide what’s more important. Sharing with people she wants or excluding them

So you asked them their budget, then left them out of it because they couldn't afford it. Unacceptable and cruel.

Come up with something everyone can do/afford. That's your job.