AIBU to find it creepy when my father asks my 4YO about girlfriends?

My Dad used to say things like that when I was a child and it made me cringe.

Adults shouldn't say things to children that make them feel embarrassed.

It's not creepy but it's stupid and utterly ridiculous. What planet is your father on. Your child's only 4 😳

It's not remotely like wolf-whistling FFS. Joking to a child about having a girlfriend isn't an indication that you find them sexually attractive. That is every bit as stupid a comparison as the comparison to knock-down ginger, frankly.

YANBU to find your dad's jokes irritating and/or to tell him to pack it in, but you are over-thinking it if you think he's sexualising your child. Unless there's a massive drip-feed coming where you reveal that your dad is a convicted paedophile.

It's irritating and old-fashioned but I don't think it's 'creepy'. It's just a silly joke to tease kids. I have an elderly neighbour who says 'Morning sir, just off to work are we?' to the little boy who lives next door to him when he sees him being taken to school and I think the 'Have you got a girlfriend?' thing is along those lines really - it's just meant to be a silly thing to say to children, pretending you think they're an adult. I agree it's annoying, but kids also play at pretending to be adults all the time. I don't think there's any intention at all to sexualise kids, any more than kids playing 'weddings' or writing each other 'will you be my boyfriend' notes is sexualisation.

So yes, by all means tell your dad to stop doing it if you and your son don't like it, but I think it's a bit of a stretch to call it 'creepy'.

I hate this too and in fact I hate it even with much older teens and adolescents.

One of my grandmothers, who was a lovely old lady in most ways, used to ask me all the time (in front of my parents) if I had any boyfriends, from the age of about 12 onwards. I know it was affectionate and tongue-in-cheek but I loathe the rush to push kids into "relationships" when they should be having fun and being carefree and not having to worry about any of that.

Also primary age kids talking about having "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". It always gets an indulgent smile from most people but I find it nauseating. Not only because of the over-sexualisation but also just the idea that everyone should be rushing headlong into coupledom as soon as they are old enough to speak.

Why can't people be more comfortable just being autonomous beings without the desperation to be attached to another person?

Absolutely, yes, as a child, we played that as well as the rather dastardly game ‘ knock down ginger’…! Which had nothing to do with ginger?!

the point I was making is, we didn’t have a censor where adults don’t mention your range of feelings. There was nothing dodgy or taboo about pretending to marry Stephen diwn the road, who is 8 years old.. it was innocent, so……. Why would an adult feel they mustn’t refer to it? It’s like saying adults mustn’t mention your Lego collection, because it’s for children.

I remember playing kiss chase at primary school and lots of sending little valentines notes to each other each year on February 14th. It was kind of Romantic.. like Barbie and Ken, and playing house.

I think us older folk are going to have to start calling younger ones ‘ creepy’ because they assume everything is sexual and ignore childhood as a time of a range of feelings being safe.

Yeah – this is an outdated way to interact with kids and it’s kind of cringe, but it’s not “sexualizing children,” for heaven’s sake. And even if OP’s son did have a “girlfriend,” it wouldn’t be a sexual thing, more like Alfalfa and Darla in “The Little Rascals.” (Excuse the American pop culture reference; I don’t know a similar British example.)

My eight-year-old daughter and her friend decided when they were five that they’re “girlfriend and boyfriend,” and will be getting married one day and living in a house with about twenty different pets. Next door to my husband and me, of course. 😂

why? it's perfectly true, he might very well have a boyfriend when he grows up!

Also a bonus if it does shut the granddad down.

Yeah, thankfully we’ve moved on from making kids uncomfortable for the amusement of adults.

Its a bit grim but very common in older generations. little girls get "Oh, you are going to break hearts".
Its not meant creepily. Its a cack handed compliment. Older women do it too, not just men.

There was definitely a lot of this type of comment about when I was little (I’m nearly 60) and it wasn’t usually about sexualising young children. It was more about winding kids up and saying something that would make them get all cross in a comical way so all the adults there could laugh together and say : “Bless.” Don’t know how old your dad is OP?

I always say, ‘yes he has lots of boyfriends and girlfriends at school, he’s really sociable’!

It very much is creepy. It can't be passed off as a joke, because jokes are funny.
It's for teasing and sexualising a child.

No need for it at all.

Seriously? You can not like it but its not creepy! Its an absolute minefield living around the offended

Your dad is creepy and controlling. Can you invite your mum to your house without your dad? I presume that you already had a strained relationship with your dad before you had your son.

How does your mum react when he says these things? Does she take his side, your side or does she keep out of it?

Oh my gawd. Any chance you get, eh.

its just out of date. I used to get talked to this way when I was a kid. Sounds so odd to us now : ‘ she’s going to break a lot of hearts’ for example, was said to mean ‘ you’re daughter is pretty’.

remember they’re talking about ‘ being sweet on each other’ when they talk about girlfriends at that age, not sex.

tell him it’s out of date.

I used to get this as a 5 year old 60 years ago! Endless “ ooh is he your boyfriend “ from various adults. I can still remember being baffled, I had literally no idea what they were talking about !

I also hate the heteronormative aspect of it. I find responding ‘he might want a boyfriend not a girlfriend, we don’t know yet’ tends to shut those comments down.

You're not wrong, but this is a more contemporary outlook than the likely age of your father, so it's not surprising your father still says these sorts of things, particularly if he hasn't has much time around small children and their newer generation parents.

I think you can broach the conversation is a better way in the first instance than calling someone 'weird and creepy' – you're much more likely to get a productive response that way.

I also find it cringe-making when people quiz small children about girlfriends/boyfriends. In my experience, it's either a generational thing or people simply having no idea how to interact with children. Frequently the two go together. I recently heard a grandfather "teasing" his six-year old grandson about a girl in his class. The little boy looked straight at him and said firmly "She's not my girlfriend, she's my friend." The grandfather had the sense to drop the subject.