AIBU to find it creepy when my father asks my 4YO about girlfriends?

I had the same, it used to be seen as gentle fun for relatives to tease small children about boyfriends/girlfriends. He's not unusual for his generation.

I think you can ask him to dial it back, but try not to make a massive deal out of how bad it is, esp in front of DS - mainly because you don't want your DS to be worried/scared about normal friendships with little girls, which he might think would upset you!

You could always explain to him that grandad is just teasing him and making a joke (if not a very funny one!).

I don't like it either. I don't like it when people ask that about my 20 year old either tbh. If he's got a girlfriend then it's up to him if he wants to tell people.

OP, I think this is a bit grim regardless of the age of the DC. It is not just you. I know some GP who have been so persistent in the asking about boyfriends that their GC has made one up, complete with complex back story. Not sure they have completely sussed that they are being toyed with but I commend her creative approach to this situation.

I have come to the conclusion that nobody should ever ask anyone if they have a romantic partner at any age as if they want to tell you about it, they probably will, and it usually is their business alone.

You might struggle to retrofit such opinions to an older generation and it might not be worth too much angst. Your DC might not take any notice if you don't. It is very hard when family members have archaic viewpoints that don't align with your views. I have few solutions but buckets of sympathy.

Yes totally this, like a bad joke and way of teasing kids

YANBU but I think this is a bit of a generational thing. Almost every time either of my DD's say something about another kid from school or nursery to my MIL she says something about boys/boyfriends. And I have great aunts/uncles that do the same, in a teasing sort of way. Very odd but I don't think they're creepy just from a different generation.

Yes. I'm in my 60s and I remember it being quite common. It was meant to get the kids protesting that they didn't like boy/girls. More of a bad joke at the kids expense than anything sinister.

Just tell him he's got girl friends and boy friends . When my ds was 5 he had a girlfriend apparantly. It was the girl's mum who talked about having a boyfriend so her daughter chose my ds. They held hands when they came out from school. My ds had no idea what she was on about and just said she's a friend who is a girl. He's 12 and don't remember this. I saw the girl recently and she's in full makeup and v plunge. 12 going on 19. Just so sad how some adults push children to grow up too quickly.

Agreed. This is a bigger pattern. My father is a misogynistic twat. It is done with different behaviour to the OP but ultimately arrives to the same point.

A man who is very disrespectful towards women and children who demands respect from them.

I trust my instincts and give my own father the widest berth out there I suggest you get to your own level of comfort of dealing with your own father and leave him at that level.

My Dad’s the same age and he’s never said any of those things, it still shocks me when men say creepy/sexist things.

This makes a lot more sense, if he's a bit creepy in general then it is much more likely to come across as creepy, plenty of people could say this and it be completely innocent

It depends on whether it’s said In a creepy way. Usually people say this to children as abit of teasing and the child will be all disgusted. It’s not a joke I do with kids but it’s always seemed harmless enough. My nanna used to always ask if I was courting yet but she was just being silly.

I find nothing wrong with what your Dad said, I must be old.

Lol I had a boyfriend at primary school age ( not at school obviously as was all girls) We had decided the deal was that we could be boyfriend/ girlfriend as long as we didn't have to do yukky things like kissing and cuddling.

Think only lasted a couple of weeks until I beat him in a bike race and he wasn't amused. Poor Trevor lol

But it wasn't sexualized in the slightest.

Seeing as id been younger than that when a male relative used to touch me up and get me to rub his dick..

So a kids " boyfriend/ girlfriend) at a young age is generally not sexualized. And many 4 year olds don't have a clue what sex even is. Not in their lexicon

Can I ask was this “creepy” feeling your Dad gave you a part of your own issues with him growing up.

As an adult I now realise that the men who gave off creepy vibes when I was a child are in fact creeps.

This particular type of men seem to enjoy a power play where they push women and children into discomfort for their own creepy kicks.

Absolutely agree. Creepy and inappropriate. In any case DS might be gay and asking him about girlfriends is stereotyping him - maybe tell Grandad that.

I think it's just something people say because kids love saying they have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I really don't think it's creepy, it's not like he's insinuating your 4 year olds are in an adult relationship

You are confusing Mumsnet with Reddit possibly? There is no up or down voting on here

Haha, I just saw my posts have loads of upvotes! Anyhow, ttfn.

Oh I see now you have resorted to belittling me because I’m offering an alternative point of view you can’t tolerate. I do apologise for impinging on your desire for an echo chamber.

Yes that is weird and creepy. And him refusing to stop is not on at all.

Not quite the same but my family is obsessed with weight and being slim which is funny as none of them is slim and I had to stop them being weird about my (very slim) dcs and their weight. Going on about how much better people look when they're as slim as possible and "look at her! Not an ounce of fat on her" about a very young child as if it was some great compliment. Commenting about other people in the street being fat blah blah. The thing is they think they are being nice so you really have to explain it to them at which point you usually get a dismissive comment about how they don't buy modern parenting ideas.

Anyway, yanbu

This is silly. We make jokes about my friends 8 year old having loads of girlfriends