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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is actually selfish behaviour and not thoughtful?

137 replies

BlankTrust · 25/06/2026 23:54

There is a group of us who’ve known each other since university. We are scattered all over now but try and meet up around twice a year, usually hiring a villa/cottage somewhere and having a few days to chill and catch up.

One friend has taken to making a music play list for us. This is lauded by everyone as being a kind and thoughtful thing to do. I cannot stand it. Cannot stand it. It was maybe fine the first time but it is actually now putting me off going on any further holidays.

The playlist is extensive but obvious centred around my friend’s tastes, which are not mine. It is fine as background music but we inevitably end up spending the last couple of hours of every evening with the music turned up and two of my friends signing along so loudly that the rest of us are unable to have a conversation.

I have raised this both with my friend and with my other friends. I have been told very firmly that my friend has done a kind and generous thing making this playlist, and we should all be grateful. I appear to be the sole person amongst the 10 of us who has any objection to this.

AIBU or is this actually selfish and not generous behaviour? We have began to discuss booking our next holiday once the kids are back to school after the summer but it is putting me off going.

My friend is a kind and generous woman in many ways and our children are very close to each other, so I don’t want to create bad feeling, but this is really spoiling the holiday for me.

We are all in our 50s and have done these holidays for many, many years but it’s only in the past two years or so that the famous playlist has been introduced.

OP posts:
Level1469 · 26/06/2026 10:43

It's the midlife equivalent of dragging your friends onto the dancefloor for the shit songs that only you like.

Boring and cringey, YANBU.

Think about the book or podcast you will take to get through that bit.

Or find an 80s board game and take that with you?

BillieWiper · 26/06/2026 10:40

If you say there's no way to get out of listening to the playlist then I guess you don't go. But have you actually got your own out and put it on? Said oh I fancy a change from George Michael et al?

Would she really launch herself at the speakers and start trashing them? Or put her music straight back on? If so then yeah you'd best give them a wide berth!

backformoreofthesame · 26/06/2026 10:36

It is thoughtful to try and do something you think others will enjoy and I amnt surprised that she can’t totally please everyone - that’s life

are you jealous that no one thinks you are being thoughtful and kind ?

5128gap · 26/06/2026 10:35

ThisHardyNavyZebra · 26/06/2026 10:22

What if one of the guests told the chef in advance that they were a vegetarian, but the chef did not prepare any vegetarian dishes?

Ha! Good point. Slightly different in that while it's possible to enjoy a play list consisting of one artist, even the most enthusiastic meat lover would be unlikely to enjoy a meal consisting of only meat, so there would have to be non meat foods available.
As a vegan, I wouldn't think it selfish if someone cooked for a group of omnivores and didn't make me a special dish just for me. I'd think, well its me that's out of step here, so I'll eat the stuff I can and avoid what I can't.
Its about numbers for me. A person doing something everyone but one person enjoys isn't selfish. They would only be selfish if they were the only one who enjoyed it.

mcmuffin22 · 26/06/2026 10:35

Agree with others who suggest making it into a sort of game... in the lead up to the holiday create a group chat and every few days ask people to contribute their favourite song on a theme (different theme each time). Make it fun, get people to vote on best choices etc and make THAT the tradiiton so that the GM fan doesn't get to dominate. I like George but I find people who only like one artist to be a bit weird and evangelical about them 😆

bumblingbovine49 · 26/06/2026 10:32

Why not ask her to include some songs you like?

PetulaGordeno · 26/06/2026 10:32

Keep picturing this as the friend….

To think this is actually selfish behaviour and not thoughtful?
Instructions · 26/06/2026 10:30

How would they react if you kindly and generously made your own playlist and asked that this one was played on the next trip?

BettyJoanPerske · 26/06/2026 10:29

4Lightz · 26/06/2026 10:26

It is neither selfish nor thoughtful. Your friend clearly enjoys being the one in charge of the music. If anything it is your other friends who are the ones being kind and thoughtful by allowing her to do it. If you like your friend I’d do the same. Just suck it up and sing along for an evening, if it makes your friend happy.

It's not just one evening, though. It's the whole holiday.

4Lightz · 26/06/2026 10:26

It is neither selfish nor thoughtful. Your friend clearly enjoys being the one in charge of the music. If anything it is your other friends who are the ones being kind and thoughtful by allowing her to do it. If you like your friend I’d do the same. Just suck it up and sing along for an evening, if it makes your friend happy.

ThisHardyNavyZebra · 26/06/2026 10:22

5128gap · 26/06/2026 10:15

The others think its kind and generous because they enjoy it and appreciate the effort that's adding to their pleasure.
You're the one out of step here, because you don't enjoy whats been prepared. Doesn't make it any less generous though. A bit like if one of you cooked a meal for everyone, that was their own favourite food, it wouldn't make them selfish just because one person didn't like the food.
I think as you're the minority you don't get the say, so if it's intolerable, you'll have to go to bed early.

What if one of the guests told the chef in advance that they were a vegetarian, but the chef did not prepare any vegetarian dishes?

Motnight · 26/06/2026 10:17

BlankTrust · 25/06/2026 23:59

There would be absolutely no point. It wouldn’t be played. The playlist cannot be altered. No one else’s music can be played. It caters for us all, apparently.

She loves George Michael. I didn’t mind him. I can’t stand his songs now.

Edited

George Michael is a god. But even I understand that if he's not your favourite artist you wouldn't want to listen to him a lot.

5128gap · 26/06/2026 10:15

The others think its kind and generous because they enjoy it and appreciate the effort that's adding to their pleasure.
You're the one out of step here, because you don't enjoy whats been prepared. Doesn't make it any less generous though. A bit like if one of you cooked a meal for everyone, that was their own favourite food, it wouldn't make them selfish just because one person didn't like the food.
I think as you're the minority you don't get the say, so if it's intolerable, you'll have to go to bed early.

largeredformeplease · 26/06/2026 10:08

I do have sympathy.

I love rock / indie music. Also pop.

All my friends are into dance / techno / happy hardcore type stuff.

I can’t stand nights where music is involved becuase this is music that I just cannot dance / sing along to.

i would have thought George Michael is fairly middle of the road though, it seems extreme to not be able to p it up with that. Is it just the music or are you just annoyed at her in general?

either way though, no, I don’t see making a playlist as a particularly generous thing to do.

i would either go and just go to bed when the music goes on loud, or tell her you can’t stand it and ask if you can contribute.

BlackRowan · 26/06/2026 10:02

You’ve done all you could. You spoke to her and to your friends and they are not listening. I think you are justified to step back and not spend as much time.

i think as friendship group it’s disrespectful that they are not listening to you at all. Everyone’s interests should be balanced. Maybe that’s a sign how they value your friendship.

Fifthtimelucky · 26/06/2026 09:48

MoaningAboutTheWeather · 26/06/2026 01:44

100%
Tesco seemed to have upped the volume on their horrible tinny music, to the extent that our closest big store is hellish noisy now. I hate going in there.
Every Open Day, School Fete, Summer Fair or Show, has to be blasting music, I feel I have to get away from it, so I just avoid stuff like that now.
Why do people suddenly think that what they want trumps everyone else?
Bugger off with your damn noise!

You will probably find that Tesco has some “quiet periods” when there is no music and the lights are dimmer.

I always go at one of those times, though as I am retired it is easy for me to do that.

Malasana · 26/06/2026 09:31

ZemblanityZen · 26/06/2026 00:23

You gotta have faith that she'll choose something you like this year.

Nicely done 🤣

Larrythecatforpm · 26/06/2026 09:29

Maybe she knows you hate George Michael and is doing it to slowly toture you on purpose. 😂

MyLimeGuide · 26/06/2026 09:28

I would just mug off that holiday next time😎

LordofMisrule1 · 26/06/2026 09:27

Lol this is funny. Bonkers that your friends respond with 'this is a nice thing! Put up with it!' when you mention you don't like it. A friend would say thanks for telling me, okay, let's create a shared playlist for us all.

I am a MASSIVE music lover, it's one of the most important things in my life. Have a degree in music. Play several instruments. Absolutely besotted with my very specific taste in music. I would never insist others listen to what I like. I don't even usually take my turn with songs on a car journey as I know it's just not that appealing to everyone and it's awful having to listen to something you really hate. YANBU. This sounds like a sign of a bigger problem with your friendship group.

BettyJoanPerske · 26/06/2026 09:26

FullaBalloney · 26/06/2026 08:28

I do this !

I really think my taste in music is just right and exactly what my friends want to listen to/dance to/ sing along with.

Im indulged for a wee while then they take back control and play what they want and life goes on without my soundtrack 😊

You sound annoying.

BettyJoanPerske · 26/06/2026 09:26

Gonk123 · 26/06/2026 05:41

If there are 10 people and 9 are happy then unfortunately you need to just suck it up. It’s just music for a couple of hours not the end of the world.

I bet that the other 9 aren't happy. They are just milquetost.

BettyJoanPerske · 26/06/2026 09:24

HorribleHisTories15 · 26/06/2026 02:48

Or you do it the 10year old way, and in the night you creep into the living room, and scratch that CD bugger to death. Then tip toe back to bed and have a secret chuckle at the mystery that awaits everyone the next morning. Grin

mwah ha ha ha

That's a great idea, but sadly I'm sure the playlist is digital.

Swiftie1878 · 26/06/2026 08:59

BlankTrust · 25/06/2026 23:59

There would be absolutely no point. It wouldn’t be played. The playlist cannot be altered. No one else’s music can be played. It caters for us all, apparently.

She loves George Michael. I didn’t mind him. I can’t stand his songs now.

Edited

Hones, you’ve been friends for so long that I’d have thought you could have a conversation about this?!
But pp is right. I suspect you just don’t like this friend and are fixating on the playlist to justify your disdain. You either have to suck it up, or pull the plug on the friendship(s). 🤷‍♀️

Hellohelga · 26/06/2026 08:53

I’d go to bed with a cuppa and a book once the wailing along to GM started.