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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say no to my teenage daughter?

163 replies

NoTeaForMe · 25/06/2026 22:15

My 15 year old DD wants to go to the beach tomorrow with a few friends (school is closed due to the heatwave). It’s around 1hr 15mins away by train and they want to stay all day. Trying to give bare minimum facts, what would you say?

OP posts:
PollyBell · 26/06/2026 05:43

youalright · 26/06/2026 05:39

Can't you see how its quite different for kids who grew up on the beach and understand sea safety to a child who has probably been a handful of times in their whole life

If you were speaking of a 5 year old I would agree but growing up on a beach itself will not protect anyone 100% but if they can't keep themself as safe as a normal adult can do at a beach at 15 yes that is a parenting fail

youalright · 26/06/2026 05:39

Bunny44 · 26/06/2026 00:52

This is strange to me to be worried about it. 15 is quite old and an hour is fine - most local buses near me take an hour to get anywhere. I went to London (2 hours away) with a friend at 13 for the day and were perfectly fine. I'm in my 30s now but has parenting changed that much since the 00s??

I live near the coast and we went to the beach all the time on our own from early teens.

Can't you see how its quite different for kids who grew up on the beach and understand sea safety to a child who has probably been a handful of times in their whole life

DeftGoldHedgehog · 26/06/2026 05:38

I would only worry about her getting burned, nothing else, though I think Saturday is a bit more normal temps in most places. DDs definitely went to Hastings with their mates for the day on the train at that age, and they were also allowed to go to London for the day or Bluewater. I used to go to Manchester with my friend from 14 for the day and it was pretty dodgy around Piccadilly/what is now the Northern Quarter in the late 1980s. 15 is definitely old enough unless they are particularly vulnerable in some way.

youalright · 26/06/2026 05:31

Heereforagoodtime · 25/06/2026 23:11

Not all teenagers are idiots. Some of that will come down to who they are as individuals, some of that will come down to their upbringing.

If the conditions are a concern, they're a concern for all, regardless of age.

If OP's daughter isn't sensible or hasn't yet been educated on the dangers / given the freedom to learn gradually, then that's something else.

But a 15 year old absolutely could be perfectly safe to go on this jolly (provided the conditions aren't the issue).

Teenagers aren't adults no matter how sensible you think they are or how well they have been brought up they can still make dumb decisions. Think back to some of the stuff you did as a teenager. It doesn't mean you wasn't brought up well it means you where learning, your frontal lobe wasn't developed yet and add peer pressure to that teenagers will make mistakes. When a teenager dies is your first thought they wasn't brought up well? If you think your teenagers are perfect and never make dumb decisions it probably means their just better at hiding them from you
.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/06/2026 00:56

I'd say "be careful, drink water, don't stay in the sun too long."

I'd probably try to encourage them to go later in the day.

Bunny44 · 26/06/2026 00:52

This is strange to me to be worried about it. 15 is quite old and an hour is fine - most local buses near me take an hour to get anywhere. I went to London (2 hours away) with a friend at 13 for the day and were perfectly fine. I'm in my 30s now but has parenting changed that much since the 00s??

I live near the coast and we went to the beach all the time on our own from early teens.

Boreded · 26/06/2026 00:46

spstchmu · 25/06/2026 22:22

School day?

Wow…it’s literally in the first couple of lines 🤦‍♀️

WeAreNotOk · 26/06/2026 00:41

Kids don't see the dangers, they think this heatwave is exciting and new. Of course they want to go to the seaside. God knows we have enough shite weather in the UK so it's nice to enjoy the good stuff while it lasts. I'd let them go, slather them in suncream before they leave, make sure mobiles are charged etc.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 26/06/2026 00:35

Umm. I would say yes. Can cool off in the sea. Beach is perfect place to be on a hot day.

Selfseedpoppies · 26/06/2026 00:30

I live in a seaside town and my kids have grown up at the beach and in the sea. I'd still be concerned about an unsupervised group of 15 year olds on an extremely hot day. Their age is absolutely relevant. It's proven that teens have an invincibility complex and take more risks when in groups. Completely different from a sensible adult who can take a decision to seek shade, use sunscreen, stay hydrated, use the sea carefully etc.

All of this is exacerbated by this being teens who may not have a lot of experience in the sea.

Paddleboards and inflatables can be treacherous as it's easy to get pulled away from the coast by the current (even when it looks calm). Our lifeboats are frequently out rescuing people who've been swept out.

Swimming in waves is completely different from swimming in a pool. The sea can be deeper or shallower than you expect when jumping in off a groyne or jetty.

The fact that there's a breeze makes it feel cooler, which makes you less inclined to reapply suncream but doesn't stop you getting burnt.

15 year olds generally have very little sense when it comes to drinking alcohol. Drinking will make them more likely to indulge in risky behaviour, plus more likely to get dehydrated. Friends of mine who live right on the beach frequently need to call an ambulance for poorly teens during the summer.

'She'll learn from experiencing independence' is no use if she dies or becomes seriously unwell or injured in the process.

biggestcatmom · 26/06/2026 00:24

Motherearthisbusy · 25/06/2026 22:17

Hell no. Unless you go and stay nearby.

I’m genuinely interested why you give this answer, no judgement just would like to know your reason for this answer. I’m a DM of adult children so may be out of touch

TheShyMumX · 26/06/2026 00:15

I think let her go! Just say yes that’s fine but just make sure you’ve got good train tickets so you can get refunded etc if they cancel due to the heat and you get stuck on a 3h bus journey instead

and then if her day goes to shit because of the trains just smile and say ah well at least you can get a refund!

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst

Change2banon · 26/06/2026 00:11

It would be a no from me. 1 hour 15 mins on a stifling train that may or may not be running, then may or may not bring her back. A full day in the sun, no shade, little suncream, not enough water. No. I can’t see many 15 year olds being as sensible as they’d need to be in this current heatwave.

LBFseBrom · 26/06/2026 00:10

NoTeaForMe · 26/06/2026 00:00

It’s an hour and fifteen minutes away not 15 minutes.

Oh, yes, I now see the '1hr', missed it on first glance. Sorry.

Still not that far for a day out and she will be with friends, Just drill in to her to keep head covered when sitting on the beach, wear sunscreen, drink plenty of water and she will be fine. They'll all have a good time as long as they are sensible, no doubt the other parents are giving strict guidelines.

pilates · 26/06/2026 00:06

They are recommending not using the trains unless you have to, loads are getting cancelled.

StPetersburg · 26/06/2026 00:05

I would only say no because of the travel advice by train companies. Our infrastructure in this country is shit, and they can’t cope. It’s not worth risking traveling over an hour by train if there’s a chance the return journey could be cancelled or severely delayed.

Otherwise, on a normal “none heatwave” summers day, a group of teens going to the beach is absolutely fine. Although you need to be sure she’s fully aware of the dangers of swimming in the sea, and knows she needs to keep hydrated and regularly top up sun screen.

SheWillBeTheDeathOfMe · 26/06/2026 00:03

You haven’t said if she is sensible or not? What are her friends like?

Ny DD is the same age and went to the beach today, but we live in a seaside town. I had reservations as she is not always sensible and was worried about her getting burnt or dehydrating but she was fine. I figured that I won’t be able to forbid her in a year or so.

Friends on a different section of the beach said there was a lovely cool breeze compared to a couple of miles inland.

However, I had to travel for work yesterday on the train and it was an absolute shit show it took me many hours and multiple diversions to get home, so I wouldn’t let your daughter go unless enough parents were willing and able to go and get them if required.

NoTeaForMe · 26/06/2026 00:00

LBFseBrom · 25/06/2026 23:46

I would let her go. Fifteen minutes away by train is not far. It will be nice at the beach but do ensure she has adequate sun screen and stays hydrated.

Why are people saying, "No"? She is fifteen, not eleven.

It’s an hour and fifteen minutes away not 15 minutes.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/06/2026 23:53

LBFseBrom · 25/06/2026 23:46

I would let her go. Fifteen minutes away by train is not far. It will be nice at the beach but do ensure she has adequate sun screen and stays hydrated.

Why are people saying, "No"? She is fifteen, not eleven.

How can she "ensure she ..... stays hydrated" if @NoTeaForMe isnt there? You can send a teenager with three gallons each of sun cream and water but if they wont use them then they dont use them.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/06/2026 23:52

NoTeaForMe · 25/06/2026 23:29

Sorry, are you saying I’m not worried about the heat? I can assure you I am. What do you mean “definitely on my watchlist” ?

I think it means you have an MN stalker! And I would say no too, my DD is Y10.

TheCurious0range · 25/06/2026 23:50

I live by the coast, the trains have been messed up and cancelled for days (hot tracks), my biggest concern would be getting home

ToiletKaren · 25/06/2026 23:47

LBFseBrom · 25/06/2026 23:46

I would let her go. Fifteen minutes away by train is not far. It will be nice at the beach but do ensure she has adequate sun screen and stays hydrated.

Why are people saying, "No"? She is fifteen, not eleven.

1 hour 15 mins

LBFseBrom · 25/06/2026 23:46

I would let her go. Fifteen minutes away by train is not far. It will be nice at the beach but do ensure she has adequate sun screen and stays hydrated.

Why are people saying, "No"? She is fifteen, not eleven.

Restlessdreams1994 · 25/06/2026 23:44

I’d let mine go. We’ve pretty much lived at the beach these past few days: the water is great to cool off in and the lower temperature of the sea compared to the land causes a lovely breeze that keeps you feeling fresh. The kids have been playing about on paddle boards and inflatables and having a whale of a time. UV shorts/rash tops and hats to stop them burning is all you need and it’s much nicer than sitting in a hot house with the curtains drawn all day!

Also most of the recent open water deaths have been kids jumping into deep reservoirs or rivers where they’re plunged straight in to icy water or caught out by hidden hazards. A safe beach where you wade into the water and gradually acclimatise is completely different.

Happyjoe · 25/06/2026 23:36

I'd probably say yes, they can cool down in the sea (and sewage!) and the sea breeze. Sounds like a fun day that they may remember.
Getting a train home may be troublesome if they're cancelled due to the heat though.

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