AIBU to say no to my teenage daughter?

Some absolute whacked out people on this post.
especially the “you’re on my watch list” lady. Alright, calm down home office.

Op, it’s so difficult isn’t it? I have a 17 year old who likes to go to the nearest massive city to go to art exhibitions, all reasonably safe for a teen to do, but I’m her mum, and I worry endlessly about not really her but other people she may come across I guess.
I would be very uncomfortable letting my 15 year old go to a beach with friends in this heat, like you’ve said, they prob won’t think to drink water, replace sun cream and the dangers of open water on top of that

Except the public health guidance to stay out of the heat from 11-3, the appeal not to put a strain on our health services and the French government saying young people are at risk too?

This.

I often think people look at the past through rose-tinted spectacles and are ignorant to previous dangers, just because they survived.

That said, I have a real concern about things going too far the other way and children / teens not being given independence so that they can learn and be guided prior to hitting adulthood. My parents were really keen to give my sibling and I independence so that we could grow up being confident and informed. I see, now, people having trackers on their phones, not being allowed out, no sleepovers etc and I worry about how much anxiety that must cause. It's over the top.

Yes, things can go wrong. The risk will always exist but it's minimal. But making your children feel danger when going about their every day life is such an oppressive and anxiety-inducing way to live. Freedom is invaluable, especially for mental wellbeing.

When I see what young adults are now afraid to do, compared to what I was doing as a young teen, I just see damage. And it's their parents' fault.

Sorry. Rant over.

I would say no- the trains are likely to be cancelled/delayed, and did you see about the broken down one in 37degree heat. Would be a hard no from me

I was ridiculously sensible and independent as a teenager and genuinely didn't do stupid things. I was always completely open and honest with my parents. They gave me a lot of space to grow and guidance in how to do that. I trusted their judgment but they would always provide explanations for their decisions. In fact, in emergency situations, on a couple of occasions, I was the one to take the lead ahead of adults around me. As for peer pressure, I didn't give two hoots about that.

I wouldn't have a problem with thia. Make sure she knows to reapply suncream generously and frequently. Perhaps insist she keeps her location on,.on her phone if that's a concern.

Just a thought about the school day observation by @spstchmu.

I'd be surprised if school management had not insisted work for the closure be set online, to make sure the fucking lazy teachers don't put their feet up ensure continuity of learning.

This is a really tricky one as I would also be sad she was missing out.

I would be worried thou lots of recent stories of teenagers getting into trouble in the water worry me and the fact she’s one hour 15 away, how far would that be driving? I think it would be really different if it was a 5 min away beach

I wouldnt due to the heat wave there is a red weather warning.

However when its cooler yes at 15 I would allow that.

I would say yes.

I had a similar situation with dd a few days ago. She was going to a lake (with a lifeguard) during the red weather warning. They got a bus. I wasn't keen on them going but they went & drank loads of water & stayed in the shade where possible

It’s not about allowing teens to go out alone, it’s about teens going to the beach in a heatwave, when they have little to no experience of how to stay safe in extreme weather conditions.

We’ve all been told not to travel by train unless it’s essential. Schools are closed to prevent children getting heatstroke. So I think it’d be irresponsible for anyone to travel on a train to a beach today.

I would. My daughter, at 15, had a small group of deliciously nerdy, quirky friends and I trusted each and every one of them to remember sun screen, not drink the train fare home etc. They had many such adventures.

Why would I have to have been perfect to have parents who taught me what I needed to do at a beach at 15? and trusted my judgement at 15

A) not in my area.

B) so what? She’s young, let her have fun.

OP, YABU.

I live in a country with the second highest melanoma death rate in the world. Sunblock is not enough and most people don't use anywhere enough. You really need a hat and shade too. You won't have full coverage in all likelihood and on top of that the sweating and the sea will reduce the protection further. If you are very light skinned, ie Celtic white, a full day at beach in a heatwave is a particularly bad idea.

At what age do you let your teens out on their own? During the hot summer of 76 me (16) and boyfriend (19) went camping for 2 weeks in Cornwall, a 5 hour drive away. Almost all my year group were off out and about with little or no parental supervision, other than a time to be back and “have you got some money for a phone call?”
A week past 16 by DH started work and was expected to get there on his own on time at 8.00. His mum didn’t hold his hand on the bus in case he got lost or phone work to complain it was too hot (started work in August).
Are modern teens really so useless that they need this much mollycoddling?
—dons hard hat—

Anyone banging on about how it’s hotter on holiday is having a laugh. That’s completely different. No one visits the UK in the colder months for “a cheap week in the sun” as it’s not consistently this hot (although thanks to climate change it’s getting there). Those hotter countries are far better prepared for the heat. I’ve not seen parasols on Dorset beaches, yet in Mallorca they’re everywhere as beaching is a year-round activity. Everything is far better designed for those temperatures. There’s always a bar nearby, tiled floors, white buildings, air con, and the standard attire is a bikini and a sarong. That isn’t the UK. Our transport struggles, everyone flocks to the beach so it’s too crowded for any lifeguards to effectively do their jobs, unless you live by the sea then you perhaps lack awareness of the dangers, the sea isn’t as warm as we don’t consistently have this heat, it’s all just a recipe for disaster. The amount of deaths every year would put me off sending her to the beach. Yes you’re having to be that killjoy parent but someone needs to be.

You seem to not be able to differentiate between a teenager and an adult. Teens can absolutely be sensible but they will still make dumb decisions. Was you a perfect teenager or do you look back and think I can't believe i did that

No I am saying if a 15 year old cant be trusted to go to a beach yes that is a parenting fail

No beach is safe 100% of the time for anyone young or old but at 15 if they cant cope something has failed

He was 16, no they went alone. She was 16 a week after they got back. It was post GCSEs holiday. DS did the same, I went inter-railing for a month when I was 16. They'd been together 2 years and showed a meticulous plan and had a great time.

So are you saying parents of teens who have died in the sea have failed as parents. What a disgusting thing to say.

My DD went in half term with her friends - similar journey bus and then hours train. They were all 14/15.

That was a day set to be 26/27. I was very apprehensive and gave a long list of rules. She managed to come home without losing or burning anything.

that said I would have said no at the heat it is this week.

We were at the the beach this week. You couldn't feel the heat at all as it was breezy. It's always cooler by the water