AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

I find this attitude so odd. You can choose to lie to your kids if you want, I don’t have to go along with it, and it’s insane to assume that every adult out there is going to.

Wait... WTF... what do you mean he's not real? 👀

Yeah I'm sure I never actually believed in Santa in any meaningful sense. It's clearly physically impossible what he's supposed to get up to on one night! It was always just a nice story. I'm pretty sure no kid above about 6 maximum would think it's true?

But even if it's only a small stocking, somebody still bought it and wasn't thanked by the recipient.

Holding a door open for somebody is only a tiny little gesture, but polite people still make sure to say thank you.

Of course she knows at 12. It would be a bit worrying if she didn’t. She’s probably just playing a long with your SIL fir some reason.

Santa only brought a small stocking here. All presents from named people so giving thanks wasn't an issue.

I do wonder if because it was low key is the reason she believed for longer, though she is also ND.

Are they junior age 11 or senior school 11 year old? If junior school, then some do believe (although know it may not be true). The parents need to have a discussion with her before she blurts out something and gets teased.

It is funny how one of the main things we tell our children is not to lie but then we spend their entire childhoods perpetuating one..
Maybe it's a life lesson in your formative years that even your parents will (depending on the circumstances) lie to you for years?

We had to tell my youngest when she was 11 and off to secondary school BUT she had 3 older siblings all telling her that Santa was real 🤣 she wasn’t shocked just disappointed that when she had kids she would have to pay for all the presents 😆

I don't think you were unreasonable. Surely the 12 year old mixes with other children who'd have confirmed Santa isn't real?

But you said always, without indicating any kind of age. There are people even on this thread with secondary-aged children who do/did believe, so what age would you say is objectively 'old enough'?

Not really tbh. But I just as a rule don't mention it unless someone else does first...

Its a weird one....My kids(17 & 13) basically share looks when I mention Santa.
BUT, if they don't get their Santa letter they mention it. I think they have appreciated the magic. But my youngest didn't even let on anything until last Xmas, that he didn't really believe in the BEING Santa, but he understands a meaning behind it.

My eldest is 13 and still believes, he knows i buy most of the presents but he still thinks he gets one from santa. I'm going to let my kids believe for as long as they want. It just adds to that Christmas spirit

11 turning 12 is still primary though? It doesn’t seem that outlandish to just not discuss Santa not being real with a primary aged that isn’t yours.
I mean I just don’t see why you would need to bring it up.

My 12 year old is questioning it now. Some of my friends had to tell their kids at 13, both were devastated

Until what age, though? Should you hold off on asking for adult volunteers to dress up and be Santa, in case they too still believe and you've just devastated them by spoiling it all?!

You always assume they think it's real. Always!

My GS still believes but is now condescendingly opposed to the idea of tooth fairy and Easter bunny but only in past few months! ) He’s 13 this year but in his defense is ASD although no learning difficulties. As he’s in secondary school I suggested he keep this to himself

Most families I grew up went with the Santa DELIVERS the presents but from a relatively early age the children knew that the presents were paid for by family and friends. It also helped to explain disparities between what Sanra brought to one house compared to that of the much more ostentatiously wealthy family living at the end of the road..

All kids are different, so you shouldn't assume. It's up to the parents to tell them. Some kids won't care Santa isn't real, but some will be gutted (like my DD was) so you have to pick your moment to tell them. Age 11-12 I would say err on the side of caution and just don't mention it - seems a bit 'bull in a china shop' that you blundered onto the topic without really knowing your audience.

I think at 11 it’s just unnecessary to discuss Santa not being real with any child that isn’t yours.

My older two boys still believed in Santa until they were almost 12, my youngest started questioning when he was about 8. I think you never assume, you always check, otherwise you risk spoiling the magic. You should have checked with the parent in this instance.

I remember that I didn’t let on that I knew Santa wasn’t real until I was 15 and my mum asked me. Partly altruistic as my sister was 7 years younger than me and partly selfish I was worried that I would get one less present 😅.

It might be something that they enjoy all pretending is real and so I wouldn’t have talked about it with her. But I suspect she knows and they just not had the conversation as they all like to pretend.

That’s nice but presumably the class knew that girl had learning difficulties and so knew to let it go - I doubt they’d react the same to a neurotypical/average 12 year old tbh. It’s not really doing an average 12 year old a kindness to let them go on believing.

I was deliberately careless with wrapping paper and so that DS could work it out.. can't remember exact age, but still in primary school. He is now 25 and "Santa" still brings him new jamas every year.