AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

I think this is often what happens.

It's a bit odd - the child eventually realises their parents are lying to them, but often doesn't want to confront them about it because a.) should they question it if their parents are pushing it, and b.) they might not get (as many) presents. The parents know (or suspect) that the child knows they're lying, and that the child is also lying to them, in pretending to still believe. But as long as they all keep lying to each other....the magic is preserved?

I don't get it, personally. We brought our kids up to see Santa and the Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy/Yule Lads as fun (and elaborate) pretend games that we all knowingly bought into. It was still magical, but everyone knew what was real and what was make-believe.

I am a massive Santa advocate - we do all the magic with letters, mince pies left out etc as our kids are little. But there will come a time when this simply isn't appropriate anymore and when they are in secondary school is definitely way beyond that time.
DD is sharp as a pin and will work it out anyway.

Your SIL is doing her child no favours by treating her as a baby and letting her believe in fairy stories when she is approaching her teens.

I knew Santa and the tooth fairy wasn't real from about 5/6 years old.

I agree that being angry is a bit over the top...but one could say that maintaining an elaborate deception and lying to your child for years in order to fool them into believing in a magical stranger you know isn't real, for as long as possible, is what's really unhinged!

We had to tell our 13 year old, 12 years ago.
He was a bit surprised because every year Santa brought him an Arsenal jersey despite the fact I refused to buy one and was clear that I wasn't a fan of soccer jerseys.

That was his proof that Santa was real.
We always bought the big items, but Santa bought the contraband items.
He wasn't the least bit bothered.

I never entertained the Easter bunny....rampaging through the neighbourhood. Nope.

Age 11 my other son had several friends who definitely believed.....he was very sceptical at that age.

I’m sure she knows but probably plays along just in case the presents stop.

It doesn't worry you at all?

I taught in a junior school and always assumed that children from year 5 onwards didn’t believe in Santa. Even if the parents still keep up the pretence I would be very surprised if another child hasn’t told them by that age.

You see this is where everyone goes wrong.

Santa delivers the gifts. Like Royal Mail but with Rudolf dragging the van...
They're from your family and friends.

My then sister in law mentioned that her eldest still believed in Father Christmas, she was about to start secondary school. I thought you should tell her, I didn't think she should start secondary school still believing. Maybe DN had figured it out really. I thought my SIL was an idiot allowing her to go to big school without telling her.

Well her Mother had better have the conversation before senior school as that would be a trigger bullying point…..

^This.

Ignore SIL and make sure DN gets a gift she'd like from you not "Santa".

I honestly didn't think there'd be a Christmas question on the hottest day of the year!!

🎄🎁⛄

I had this issue with a coworker recently. I think she saw in my face I was kinda baffled, but in my defence her son is in year 7!! How did he make it to year 7 with no other kid telling him?

You did nothing wrong, OP. No child of average intelligence at secondary school believes in FC or the tooth fairy.

At 5 a child has only just started to understand and believe fully. It’s crazy to suggest the cut off is 5 maybe 6 imo.

A 5 year old believing in Santa making you angry is actually unhinged.

The mum of my then 11 year olds friend told my DD outright and I was really pissed off with her. I think there is a limbo period of a couple of years that on some level they know but they don’t want to openly acknowledge it as then it completely kills the dream IYKWIM. The parent might have gone to some lengths to keep it alive. You just don’t know.

You should never just assume. Yes it’s a bit old but she’s not 15 and every person is different.

YANBU

I don’t remember any of my friends still believing in santa when i got to secondary school.

I would be like you and assume they knew he wasn’t real.

I wonder if some kids keep their parents thinking that they believe, as they think the presents might stop otherwise.

Never assume. My 13yo believes (or at the very least, pretends very strongly that she does! I genuinely have no idea so I continue to go along with it)

The rest of the world has literally zero interest in your family rules, beliefs and customs. If you dont want your children exposed to normal conversation, best keep them locked up at home or remind them never to interact with anybody but you and members of your immediate family.

Why do people want their children over the age of 5 or 6 to believe? It’s ridiculous. And totally self indulgent on the part of the parents. Makes me so angry!

I think you’re unreasonable tbh, my 11yo definitely knows but he plays the game

I assume all people believe in Father Christmas because wtf he's absolutely real. I would never mention anything ,in exactly the same way I follow the advice to never ask somebody if they are pregnant unless I saw a head emerging from their vagina.

I would never assume that a 12 year old does not believe. A neighbour of our had to tell their near 13 years old that there was no santa. She was babied very much but thankfully they told her before secondary school.

11 turning 12 is either a young year 7 already (secondary) or an older year 6 who is about to go to secondary!