AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

If my parents had tried to pull this one on me, I'd probably have figured it out aged 4.
It's such self evident nonsense. Why would Father Christmas function as a delivery service? I'm certain most kids who are told this story work it out sooner than the others who think the presents are FROM him.

I think it's always a bad idea to assume on this topic. I believed for longer than average, and contrary to what some seem to think on here, that doesn't mean I was 'delayed' or anything of that sort. I was a bright child—just happy to try to continue to believe in something as magical as Santa. Also, I had younger siblings, so my parents were pleased to keep the Santa years going as long as possible.

Anyway, the damage is done, now, but in future, never assume where Santa is concerned.

I was 11 when I figured it out, and my IQ is over 150 so that doesn't always follow. I was naive and childish perhaps. Fond of fantasy and fairytales but not stupid. No one ever told me. I assume my parents thought I knew and didn't need telling
But actually, now I think about it, I never really gave it much thought - it just was what it was, until it wasn't anymore.
Oddly, I never thought those Father Christmases at shopping centres etc. were real though; even as a very small child I knew they weren't, yet I believed there was a real one.

You should NEVER assume

I think there's a few years where children know really but still enjoy going along with it.

Your relative is deluded.

I thought my 11 year old knew last year, but he has already mentioned what he might like for Christmas this year and what Santa could bring so I am not entirely convinced on if he knows and is playing along or if he is genuinely still a believer.
He has luckily now lost all his teeth but he very much believed in the tooth fairy too.

Personally I feel it's kind of sad we expect 7-8 year olds to question it and it's again another thing from childhood that is lost.

I wouldn't speak openly about FC being fake in front of an 11yo unless their parents were doing the same thing.

Yes, I'm sure they don't believe, but adults not confirming it is all part of the game!

Your SIL does sound nuts to be so upset about it though!

YANBU, it's perfectly reasonable to assume a 12yo knows. Your SIL needs to pipe down and get real.

Reason #3546 why it’s really, really stupid to say that all presents are from Santa. He fills the stockings, everything else is from a real person who can be relied on.

She didn’t react when you said that correct ? If I was told that and I truly believed as a child I would have been in tears . I think her mum just assumes she knows and the girl goes along with it, maybe to get cool gifts . She’s smart

Never assume. My son's friends still believed in Y6.
My DS still hasn't said he doesn't believe (he's 15 😂), and neither have I (57).
DS still gets a rhyming letter from The Teen Elf on Xmas Eve with his Pj's - he's still playing along despite being a PITA know it all most of the time, who wastes no time lettimg me know I'm an idiot at any other opportunity.
I imagine DN just knows which side her bread is buttered.

I would be annoyed at you too. Just because kids might ‘know’ doesn’t mean you don’t still play the game. We still have stockings from Santa and my kids are adults who all live away from home. It’s a bit of fun.

And to tell a 12 year old who is still young enough to possibly still secretly enjoy the magic, you were thoughtless and joyless.

It’s possible she didn’t know. My 11 year old recently found out santas not real because we were watching motherland together 😫.

My daughter is 40 next year I still pretend Santa is real when we discuss it. Even more now she has her own children but I've never admitted it to her. Santa is the spirit of giving without expectancy of thanks it's a lovely tradition rather than an actual person dropping down your chimney.

I would be surprised and also concerned if someone aged 8/9 still believes.

I keep thinking of that scene in Vicar of Dibley, when Geraldine is trying to tell the adult Alice as gently as she can that the Easter Bunny is not real.

”You know, that moment when your mum tells you about Santa…”
Alice: “what about him?!”

I think you should absolutely be able to assume that they know once they’re at secondary, and frankly, parents should stop being so precious about it. The tooth fairy! Ffs.

My kids never want it confirmed and my 14 yo went mad at me last year for even asking if he still believed saying ‘of course i do’. He’s genuinely really bright so must know but wants the magic.
my parents told me when I was 8 and im still a bit cross with them even now

My DC 1 still believed until just before they started secondary school, when I chose to tell them because I was concerned that it could make them a target for bullies. DC was definitely NOT intellectually challenged. In fact, they had been assessed by an ed psychologist as having an exceptional IQ. They had used their interest and knowledge of science and tech to carefully work out how it would be possible for FC to visit children around the world in one night.
As an adult, they have a great degree in physics, a masters in the subject and was the first undergraduate at their university to be published in probably the most prestigious peer reviewed journal for the subject.
One of their favourite fun tasks for their GCSE students at Christmas is to set them the task of deciding whether FC could get around the world, delivering presents in one night.

Typo

I think it’s safest never to assume! I mean obviously eventually you can assume, but whilst 12 is toward the top end of the window in which they might believe, it’s not entirely outside of that window.

A lot of kids like to cling to the belief even if on one level they know it’s not real, because it’s part of the magic.

I knew Santa and the tooth fairy wasn't real from about 5/6 years old.

Yes I'd worked it out by then. I said to my mum 'Father Christmas isn't real is he?' and she said 'No, but don't tell [younger sibling]'.

If I'd been older than around six, she'd have told me not to tell both younger siblings, because by that time the youngest was old enough to understand.

One has to wonder about the critical thinking skills of 11/12yos who still believe.

And also wonder how many of these parents who insist on prolonging a myth about a saint would be outraged if anyone told their child God and Jesus are real.

Mini blondes 9.5 still believes and hopefully will in 6mths and will be year 5 ~ but that will prob be her last. Sobs

if somehow manage to get to yr 6 so 10.5 and will be going to secondary school in the sept I will mention it in the summer holidays

as it starts talking at secondary about fc getting her this, or she has asked fc for that etc, then likely to get the piss ripped out of her

or worse in the Jan back at school and says fc got me my bike /phone etc ……

so yes you would assume by 12 they know

I found out when I was 7 but for some reason I pretended I still believed in him until 12ish. I think i wanted to believe it!

I’d reply to SIL and tell her that it’s a good job DN found out now because she’d be absolutely terrored in secondary school if the other kids discovered she still believed in Santa.