AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

Most kids that age would have grown out of it. Starting school usually does that.

If you had still believed in the tooth fairy at my secondary school you would have been bullied mercilessly. She needs to let it go imo.

DS is 8 now, he's been having doubts since he was about five but has gone along with it until recently

No. Having faith is not imagining something.

Wanting to believe and believing are not the same thing though.

I think that's a borderline age. My 11 year old is still in primary school and she's very dubious but clinging on. I actually tried to properly tell her he's not real a few years back and it went horribly! So now I think I'll just never tell her 😂 My 9yo will probably be more matter of fact.

My DCs are 22, 20 and 16.

We've never had a conversation about santa not being real.

They all know he's not real.

But they still love the whole magic of it!

The things that make childhood fun are so short-lived nowadays, and the realities of being a teenager now are so different and pressurised compared to when we were that age.

Why rush to get past all the lovely childhood stuff?

Adulthood is boring and stressful most of the time - why the haste to get everyone there?

My son is nearly 11, I'm pretty sure he knows. However, we NEVER discuss it. I feel like part of the love and magic is we keep going through the routines and traditions together, even though we both know! He also has a little sister (not sure if your niece does) and I wouldn't want it to become a normal or common discussion in case she overheard or picked up on it. Once its out in the open, I feel like it becomes a bit silly somehow, but if we all carry on pretending then we can keep playing at it!!

Are you suggesting every person with a religious belief is of low IQ?

I don't disagree with you.

I do think that topics and conversations like this though are best handled by the parents, who know their child and any specific sensitivities, and can handle in the best way possible.

My daughter will be 12 in August. The other day she was clearing out a draw of mine and found a load of teeth! To say she was in shock would be an understatement! She does have AUDHD, although I think the truth is that she never really wanted to believe otherwise.
Tbf I don't know why I kept all of those teeth as I don't even know which one of the three they belong to 😂 I ended up throwing them out!

I feel 12 is a little bit old. I thought around 8 or so kids usually stop believing but I always avoid mentioning Santa just in case 😂

Unless she lives in total isolation from the outside world or is very behind her peers, there is no chance she still believes in Santa.

She'll be playing along with it for the sake of her mother.

They had used their interest and knowledge of science and tech to carefully work out how it would be possible for FC to visit children around the world in one night.

But they hadn't, apparently, worked out that it's not physically possible for reindeer to fly and that a human being can't get into people's houses by magic. And he also hadn't questioned how Santa is apparently immortal. Or how he knows what to bring each child. Or why he brings rich children more presents than poor children. Or how he is apparently invisible while flying in his sleigh, or flies at an altitude that would be fatal for a human being or a reindeer.

I'm not saying your child wasn't intelligent. I am saying, however, that he was either pulling your leg about 'believing', or that he was very, very naive - neither of which are incompatible with being a high achiever in certain school subjects, to be fair. There's more than one type of intellect. Being exceptional at sciences doesn't equal emotional intelligence or common sense.

I think kids are believing in Santa until a much older age these days! I’ve known quite a few people who have had to tell their kids about Santa in the summer before they go to high school

I think it's trust, my daughter is very smart, achieving 9's at school but she would never think I would lie to her so when I told her, she was very upset and actually a bit cross with me. I guess it depends how good you are at playing Santa too, I've always been extremely careful and obviously very convincing,we have great memories and now she enjoys playing along for her brother (who is age 11 and still believes) and younger cousins.

Personally, I think it's doing kids a disservice to let them reach the end of primary school still believing in santa, easter bunny, etc. You can still have 'magic' without that. You're meant to be growing up and getting ready to go to the 'big school'.
But then I was the kid who looked at 'santa' and thought 'how does that fat git get down the chimney, and there's a gas fire in the hearth so he's stuck, and if he comes down the other chimney he's straight into the aga, so clearly this is nonsense'. I don't remember ever believing, so I must have grown out of it by early primary school!
I had a friend who's parents had to tell her it was all just a story because the idea of some random dude coming into the house scared her!

She's too old according to the observable norms of reality. Of course the 12 year old didn't react, she's known from the age of 7 or 8 from school that Santa doesn't exist and understands that mummy dearest is a bit deluded and wants her to carry on pretending to believe.

Imagine sending a child to secondary school still convinced that Santa exists. Good Lord, does this daft person actually want her child to be made a mockery of?

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A 12 year old without significant learning difficulties shouldn't think babies come in the doctor's black bag either.

She's too old according to whom? There is no rules around the age that kids can or can't believe. Kids are all different and mature at different times. Topics like whether Santa is real, where babies come from etc. are for the parents to have. They are best place to handle the conversations in the most appropriate way for that individual child, at a time that's right for that individual child.

The OP hasn't 'done her a huge favour' at all, it's an overstep.

You shouldn't assume at that age, a lot of them are told in year 6 but I didn't tell my daughter until year 7 (age 12) so she had one extra year of believing than most of her friends. She totally believed and I felt heartbroken telling her but I couldn't let her carry on at secondary school still believing and arguing with her friends that they were all wrong! She was very upset and a bit embarrassed so I should have told her a bit sooner really but because she still totally believed I just couldn't bring myself to ruin the magic. I think 8 years is very young to tell them, why do that and then risk them telling their peers,I think age 10 at the earliest if they are questioning things.

My DS 13 has never explicitly said he doesn't believe but gives me the eyes like he knows but isn't going to say 😂 I think he probably got wise when DD was at peak believing age and went along with it. Needless to say, he doesn't want to go and meet Santa (but then there was only a very tiny window where he did). DD8 hasn't believed for a good year or so, same with the tooth fairy. But has agreed that it's nice to have traditions and enjoy the story and has promised she won't ruin it for any friends or cousins. I actually find it more relaxed now I'm not worried that I'm going to mess up 😂

I think there is such a thing these days with making it more and more elaborate and magical that some parents just don't want to let that stage pass. It's not going to sit on some guy with a dodgy beards lap at the school Christmas fair anymore, it's people spending hundreds on fake lapland experiences (which is fine). My parents would never have left signs of Santa's foot prints or remnants of reindeer food either.

I also think it's kinda mean to have a kid go to high school not knowing that it's a tradition rather than reality. Maybe it will go unnoticed, but if it doesn't, then that's not how I'd want that bubble to burst. I'm also amazed that she hasn't spotted references in ages appropriate TV/film/books.

Honestly if she still believes then you’ve done her a favour. At some point it’s just silly to let a child believe. I doubt she does though. My much younger SILs never told their mum they knew Santa wasn’t real and they were still getting presents from Santa at 14 and 16. It was ridiculous lol.

But then again my dad told me Santa wasn’t real when I was about 4, and I don’t think I will push the lie for mine, I don’t mind a bit of magic, but find some of it goes a bit far and becomes a bit of an unnecessary lie so maybe I’m not the right person to judge

My almost 12 taller old still believes in Santa and the tooth fairy! She has two younger siblings so not sure if she hasn’t told me she no longer believes or is still believing because they do?

She’s in secondary school for goodness sake, she’d get bullied if her friends found out she “still believes”.

Tbh though since she didn’t bat an eye when you mentioned it, she likely already knows and was keeping up the pretence so as to not upset her parents!