AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

@EagerHelper “general discussion at the table about 80s Christmases and how we’re all still salty about that one gift we always wanted and never got”

You wanted Mr Frosty didn’t you?! It’s the thing everyone wanted in the 80s and I don’t think anyone ever got 😂 I finally got one in my mid-40s and it was the biggest disappointment ever, such rubbish.

The age of criminal responsibility is 10. How can a child be, on the one hand, criminally responsibility for their actions and on the other not to old to believe an old man dressed in red comes down every chimney in the world on the same night delivering presents?

Yes YABU....Some of these replies are really sad and just highlight how people expect kids to grow up way too fast nowadays, saying 7 or 8 year olds are too old to believe in santa is crazy! And even at 11 they are still very much a child.Let them be young and playful and imaginative as long as possible....let's not force them into the boring & serious world of adulthood too soon :(

Regardless of when your children found out NEVER assume a child knows or not!! You play along and never admit unless you know!! I would be devastated if their own auntie ruined the magic 😢

Our family had a game which we played right up to 11 or 12. On Christmas Eve in the garden, wrapped up in our winter coats, we children were blindfolded, and had to listen out for sleigh bells (made by someone shanking them from an upstairs window), and listen for the thud of something being dropped in the garden, which we then had to find my torchlight.

Weknew it was all pretend, but we loved it!

12 is pretty late. And it does seem that she was chilled about it even though her mum wasn’t.

My kids have always known Santa isn’t real. We tell them that it’s fun to pretend though and we do a lot of the fun traditions like putting out milk and cookies, but if you ask them straight up they’ll say he’s not real, just a fun idea.

I never told my mum I didn’t believe (I think I secretly thought I may not get a stocking if I admitted it), and she’s probably doing the same. I’d be amazed for anyone of secondary school age to still actually believe.

My 10 and a half year old still very firmly believes in FC, the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny. She is probably autistic though which possibly contributes to why.
As a teacher, I’m always careful with Year 7 and even sometimes Year 8 as I’ve taught some kids who do still believe at that age.
I don’t think I’d be cross with someone for slipping up though at that age. It’s a fair assumption that most kids do know by the end of primary school.

The tooth fairy..aye right and at 12 how many teeth is she losing and putting under her pillow
Sil is nuttier than squirrel poo.

There’s no way she didn’t know. She’s just playing along with her mum for whatever reason. You’ve done her a favour. Now she can talk normally about xmas to her mum. I was putting xmas presents away with my seven year old son when he said , he doesn’t exist does he? So I said no but it’s a fun story ( we laughed) just don’t tell your younger siblings til they’re older.

I'm sorry, what?! What do you mean?!

Sorry.
Couldn't resist.
Reminded me of that Phoebe Buffay moment.

I was babied a bit, but I remember questioning Santa around age 8. I knew then he wasn't real, but there was no way I'd tell my mum as I didn't want to upset her. My 9 year old niece has also worked it out, and drops hints all the time wanting me to confirm it (no way, I'm not going there! 😂).
Theres no way a 12 year old believes in Santa, and I imagine the mum's anger is more about her feelings rather than about her daughters childhood being ruined, and struggling with the reality of her starting to grow up etc etc?

I think it's quite sad the magic fades so quickly. I was ready to sit my ds 11 down last christmas and tell him before secondary school. He informed me very gently that I had no idea what I was talking about and neither did the kids in school but if I wanted to he could do what he does with them - nod wisely and go along with it because it's rude to tell people they're clueless 🙈
I asked if he told them he believed. He said he didn't because he didn't need anyone's permission to think what he liked.
I don't really know where to go from here, but he is 12 in a week and remains convinced santa is real, regardless of what people say. Not sure if I'm impressed he doesn't just follow the crowd, or exasperated because he won't listen! 🤣

🤣🤣🤣 my 8 year old hasn’t thought of this yet, he has been asking since he was 5 and I’ve managed to keep it going. He is obsessed with Google so I guess it’s only a matter of time.

Had a similar experience with my nephew. Mum gave me the nth degree. I think I started to have doubts about Santa when I was 6 years old.

I’m a mum of kids nearer to your niece’s age and I think it’s probably a sensitivity issue on your part… in honesty she probably understands Santa isn’t real, I think my child knows this too, but we all enjoy getting caught up in the magic at Christmas so there’s probably a willing suspension of disbelief. The types of stories you were telling your niece (explicitly saying Santa’s not real) I’d probably reserve for older kids/adults. It’s also possible that if your niece is the baby of the family with older siblings, your SIL is hanging onto the last of the childhood magic before they’re all teens. Either way, as many, many apps have said, it’s probably best not to bring up this subject matter with children.

It really doesn't feel like that at all. It read like OP was having a normal conversation about choosing presents. In which an anecdote came up. If you know your child probably doesn't believe but likes the magic surrounding Christmas, which was me in my childhood, and you acknowledge others will have had conversations with your daughter too, I don't see why this conversation OP had would bother you at all, if someone had it with your daughter.

Agree. And how much longer you need to lie to keep the whole charade going. You can enjoy life and Christmas without continuing this so long. Kids would have got told by the rest of the class when I was growing up.

Father Christmas is not the only joy in my life, I have numerous! Debating on mumsnet about what’s acceptable for people to discuss with their young nieces is obviously not one of those joys, so I’ll leave it there…

If you read my post it says I seriously doubt my 12 year old still believes in the man “Father Christmas”, but she believes in the magic of Christmas, much in the way it is portrayed in Miracle on 34th street. Maybe I should have been more explicit, many kids and adults will have had the conversation with her about the man Father Christmas being not real which at her age I would expect. But I would be furious if her auntie or another relative sat explicitly telling her that, no he is not real. Which is obvious from the post the child already knew, but why go out of your way to do this when it’s just not needed. I think there is so little magic left in the world what is the harm in everyone pretending there is a bit of magic? No everyone doesn’t have to think that way, but surely her auntie should have known, it feels more like this poster was trying to get one over on her sis in law than anything.

To be fair, you are the one coming across as extremely miserable.

Because you have made your happiness contingent on the rest of the world colluding in this one specific belief. Or else your fun is ruined, or so you have convinced yourself.

Such fragility is a highway to misery. As you are demonstrating quite well.

Furious 🙄 This is exactly the sort of ridiculousness I was talking about.

Your Christmas will still be magical and great whether your child believes Santa literally exists or not.

Its almost pathological to have this level of obsession about the belief in a literal Santa.

And being furious with people for having normal conversations without deference to a belief they won't even know you are pretending is real, is just, well, daft.

Like I said some very miserable people on this thread, what a horrible existence you must have. Maybe cheer up a bit

I do find it ridiculous how fanatical some parents are about their kids believing in Santa. Its weird. Christmas is magical and great whether kids believe or not ( I was a child who never believed and still loved the magical feel of Christmas). It really doesn't matter if your kid thinks Santa is real or not. They will still love Christmas.