AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

We never did FC as being literally true, either, but even if we had, DS was in contact from his pre-school days with a range of children from cultures which either didn't celebrate Christmas at all or did but had different stories about who brought the presents for children. And DS also had an autistic friend whose family had a different story about a snow dragon bringing presents as he'd found the idea of a man coming into the house secretly very frightening. I'm always baffled by threads in which children, according to their parents, appear to preserve an unbroken belief in something relatively culture-specific throughout primary. They must not be exposed to much variety of other people.

What? Santa isn’t real?🥲

My kids knew by the time they were 3 that there's no such thing as santa or the tooth fairy, and they've both said that it's they ever have kids themselves, they won't be telling them lies about these things either.

When my daughter was 11 I took her to Lapland. She still believed in Santa (as did all her friends, in the final year of primary school, not long coming out of covid) until an annoying man sat on our table for the gala meal talked about how 'realistic' the visit to see Santa had been. I saw her face fall. I think she had been having some doubts but wanted to still believe for a bit longer and had confirmed he was real. I had hoped she could have one more magical Christmas but he spoilt it. I know other kids who found out much earlier, but you can't assume.

My eldest had it sussed at just shy of his sixth birthday. Asked me to tell him the truth so I did. The younger ones were about eight.

I witnessed a mum of an 11 year old creating merry hell in the playground because of someone else’s child having told her DS the truth. Utterly pathetic. Threatened her DS with Lapland consequences if he didn’t start believing again!

It’s not even a good thing to have them believe. All the talk about magic but for the kids who never get what they hope for it’s not magical at all. Bah humbug.

I knew from when I was about 8 when I found our presents wrapped. Parents do usually tell them before they start secondary school

A friend of mine told her son before he started. He has autism but in mainstream school. He just said to her oh thank goodness for that. I don’t have to worry now about a strange man coming in the house when we’re in bed.🤣🤣🤣

He told her he never even liked Santa. But he just went along with it to fit in because it’s what everyone else does.

You've said yourself you don't think she believes any more so it's not relevant that she's massively intelligent and I'm not sure why you'd be furious if someone told her santa wasn't real. Did you go storming up the school in a fury that they held a debate where the other team were arguing santa isn't real?

I understand that many families like to incorporate Santa as part of their enjoyment of Christmas; but I'm absolutely baffled as to why people declare it as such a pivotal, essential part of enjoying a family Christmas: a tale of a stranger coming around and bringing presents.

Is that really the only thing that can make Christmas special and joyful? Is Christmas ruined for kids if they realise that it's 'only' their loved ones who give them lots of great presents as part of the celebrations?

There are plenty of traditions that some cultures and families have and others don't; it doesn't mean that any of them enjoy Christmas any more or less. In the UK, we don't tend to share in the tradition of the random man having a dump in the corner of the stable, as they do in various parts of Europe, but I don't think our Christmases are any the poorer for it!

She debated at school ? And the outcome of this ? And how old was she b

as I said many children do believe at age 8/9 year 3/4 - my dd still does

it’s not about lots of pressies as I’ve always done small pressie and stocking from fc. Everything else from me

those parents who say they told their child at 4/5 - why ? Xmas creates joy and magic for youngsters and seems sad they don’t get a few years of magic and believing

but agree have to tell them after they leave yr 6 in the summer before starting yr 7/secondary school in the Sept so that they don’t get bullied etc

The mother is deluded OP take no notice. I love Christmas and my own mother did Santa until we left home and I’ll do the same with my own but but we’ve never been big into the whole Santa thing if that makes sense. It’s more about the surprise of Christmas morning and the fun. You don’t have to believe in Santa to have a lovely time on Christmas morning. My DS has asd and hated the idea of a random man coming into our house so he is a happy non believer since he was 7 but never said anything to his younger siblings but it’s not like it made his “Santa list” shorter. Same with teenage DD, if anything her Santa list is getting longer lol. Also up to our late teens we went for a Santa visit with my parents. It was all for fun and the annual photo and a trip to the Chinese afterwards.

Any kid at secondary school knows the truth! Her mum might think she doesn’t, but she does!!

Things have definitely changed, kids believe into teenage years often.

What's the obsession with magic on this thread? You can't expect the world to pander to older kids when everyone else doesn't believe. There's still lots to enjoy about the Christmas break. Everyone I know still gets a stocking.

Not at all - some parents do insist on the 'all presents are from Santa' idea.

I've seen threads on here where the OP has fallen foul of this by labelling presents for nieces and nephews with "Happy Christmas, love from Auntie Sarah" and been angrily accused by her bonkers DSis/DB of giving the game away and 'ruining the magic of Santa' for their kids.

We never explicitly told our daughters that Santa didn't exist but I do remember they started questioning things at the age of about 10, so I think they worked it out for themselves. They have since told me (both adults now) that they had definitely stopped believing by the time they started senior school.

So, in answer to your question, no - I dont think you were being unreasonable because I would have assumed the same thing. Chances are your niece already knew anyway; it's highly unlikely that she'd have got to nearly 12 without hearing things from school friends.

Lol this has got to be the stupidest comment so far.

...or her parents buy the presents from father christmas and the tooth fairy, and the presents from other people are from other people who she thanks

That's not obvious at all, and pure speculation.

I've worked with plenty of older children who firmly believe

Being in secondary school she likely knows but just hasn't said (same with the tooth fairy) scammed money out my mum for years that way, brother made the mistake when he was like 7 saying she wasn't real and stopped Tooth fairy money very quickly.
Also used Santa present (got 1 selected present from Santa in my household) as a surefire way to get the thing that I wanted (normally a specific lego set) as my mum still assumed I believed so had to make sure she found it 🙈😂😭

Totally agree. My 24 year old would never dream of saying out loud there was no Santa as he wouldn’t get a stocking anymore lol 😜

I had to tell my youngest when she went to high school!

This!!! I literally just posted this! My son is 24 and it has NEVER been said amongst us there is no Santa. Ever. Like you said, don’t shit on other people’s magic!

Perhaps he just loves the magic of Christmas? Why do you care? It is amazing

What is this fascination parents have with ‘believe or not.’ My son is 24 and it has NEVER been said in our house that there is no Santa. Ever. Part of the magic of Christmas is Santa. (Clearly he knows there isn’t really a man who drops down chimneys). It’s all just part of what makes Christmas magical

8 is on the young side.... You may be misremembering there. Although my nephew was only 5 when he stopped but he's like a little old man. My eldest is nearly 8 and I'm hoping another year or 2 out of her believing. I wouslt expect past age of 10 though. Your niece likely knows and just hasn't told her mum that she has stopped believing