AIBU to ask why ADHD and autism are dismissed as disabilities?

It is as almost as if ND parents have ND kids...

But you've managed to raise 5 children? Okay...

Ok, are you in the UK? Because in the UK you can get PIP and still be in work.

But also, I want you to know that being a martyr is not winning you any prizes, and it’s probably going to catch up with you eventually and you’ll crash and burn. I’m speaking from experience. I remained hyper-independent and wouldn’t ask for help or admit I couldn’t manage, and ultimately my children suffered and I ended up really really sick and now am more disabled and have had to take semi-retirement as a result.

My dc has audhd.

i think adhd and asd can be disabling, moreso the autism. But that is mostly for the lower functioning or severe.
it can be having an impact without it being a disability, it can be an educational need of in medical setting or affect work without it being severe or needing benefits.

Whilst you are saying some issues (obviously dont know when you were diagnosed?) you have managed to have 5(?) kids, maintain a job.

So i agree with pp that having that number of kods os challenging aoready but why continue if the first few had nd/sen it makes the parents jobs tricky too.

I agree they are handing diagnoses out like smarties to some people, they are clearly misdiagnosed (potentially are actually dyslexic or late developers, or adhd but definitely not autistic.
But i disagree with pp who said going private you could just answer in tge right way as you missed out thinking about how school had referred him and presumably filled in the forms showing severe issues... Because for kids it almost doesnt matter if oarents think the kid has it if the school dont mark as severe.because you need 2 settings so need school. Which is obviously a crap situation for inattentive adhd or girls.
But i do think that is happening for asd. These are kids
--who can socialise are happy to spend a lot of time with peers at the park/their house

• Go to multiple clubs, lots of sports on teams

in contrast the aspergers kids i know struggle with clubs/behaviour at clubs, may have struggled a lot in reception and may never have been able to manage before after school sessions or sports. limited friendship, limited interest in friends. Probably not keen on school trips/sleepovers. Sleep issues. Anxiety, depression, sone bullying at secondary. Limited interest, not listening to others only want to talk on their topic.

Spoken like someone who I’m guessing has no idea what absolute ND burnout and or depression/ MH days when you cannot move is like.

on my bad days I couldn’t get out of bed for a winning lottery ticket being handed to me on gold bars by my biggest crush.

So I totally get where OP is coming from. The paralysis that comes from ADHD is all consuming. And we beat ourselves up enough without being told Social Services should be looking into our livers.

Autism and ADHD range in severity like most other conditions. At the more severe end they definitely are disabilities. In the UK whether something is classed as a disability or not depends on the severity and impact, not the specific condition. Something is classed as a disability if it has a substantial, long term effect on your ability to do daily activities.

Completely get this, apart from the sleeping, I'm good at sleeping. Although dh and 2 of the dc sleep like you do.

I struggle with life admin and multitasking. I have no idea how a lot of meals take to cook so I aim to have dinner ready for 5:30 but it rarely is. I am the queen of procrastination. I always prioritise the dc if they want to chat which means I am usually late for everything else. I struggle with forms and apps. Online banking makes me want to scream.

I have a disability but I don't get pip. Which is fine but I think my dc should all get it (4 out of 5 of them do)

I think it's a mix of everything:

• Biggest reason = widening of diagnostic criteria, better identification, more understanding / less stigma so more parents seeking assessment.
• Autistic people generally more supported and therefore more able to have / raise children and it's highly hereditary. (I realise "generally" doing some heavy lifting here).
• Older parents.
• More babies who would have died for one reason or another (premature, brain injuries at birth etc) are now surviving.
• I think there's possibly some tiny contribution from environmental contaminants which may have a very small effect at population level (not individual level).
• Another tiny one ... Having children like this myself, I genuinely think if I'd had them in the 50s or 60s they would have died from some kind of accident. They are all over the place, run at cars, hang out windows. Supervision expectations of children have massively increased. Generally childhood accidents are reduced but knowing so many children with this kind of SEN (who have specialist car harnesses etc), I can't imagine they would have all survived childhood in the 1960s, even in one of the institutions they would have been sent to.

I’m sure I read a report that older male age is also playing a factor. Basically as we all age the quality is going down just older men can still make sperm while menopause is final.

Old eggs old sperm and your chances rise. Add cultural issues. Add family history. Boom.

We’re better informed now. Previously half the population( women) were shut out of the diagnosis process.

I wonder if this is in part due to so many women having babies in their mid 30s and later rather than in their 20s like many did a few decades ago.

I don’t think there is a single class in England that has just 1 autistic child any more.

Happy to be corrected by any teacher posters.

We know autism is under diagnosed in the UK and wait lists are insanely long- the figures for children are 1% to 1.8% of children in the UK that are formally diagnosed with autism. However, population-based studies suggest that up to 3% of school-aged children (roughly 1 in 34) may be autistic, with many remaining undiagnosed.

Re ADHD The NHS Independent ADHD Taskforce estimates that ADHD affects approximately 5% of children. However, the taskforce report highlights that the condition remains under-recognized, and a high percentage of these children face severe waiting times for formal assessments and care across the UK.

Google says the population of England alone is estimated at 58million.

1% of that is still a bloody lot. 3-5% even more clearly.

Since a lot of disability runs in families and is higher within certain communities as well it makes sense there will be pockets of high diagnoses.

Like the op she’s had at least 4 or 5 children all of them have Sen clearly she is a carrier of what her children have and they have inherited that I say her because there are two dads involved. If she was at my child’s school I could say I know one family where the mother and five children have Sen. It wouldn’t be wrong but it’s one family where they have a high rate.

If you take into account OAPs and the over 50s, yes. If you look at school age children it will be much much higher.

I don't know why anyone would seek a diagnosis to start with if they did not have something going on that was bothering them.

But correct data is being done re the country as a whole which shows autism rates are 1% and adhd is 3-5%.

You can only get an autism or ADHD diagnoses if the traits are causing significant impairments. It’s just not always obvious to the observer what those difficulties are.

By your description, you clearly are disabled. When you've been sectioned and/or suicidal, that is a severe and life threatening disability.

I think some people though feel that autism and ADHD are sometimes less disabling in some people or impact on functioning is fluctuating. However, because there are autistic people who will never have children or get married and who very literally do wet themselves, and need people to change their pads, it can be difficult for family carers to be told how severe an autistic person's disability is when that person is taking their kids to school, working (sometimes a high income) or getting a masters degree or something.

Personally, I'm wary of in fighting and still believe people with what used to be called "high functioning autism" (but clearly is not all that high functioning in many cases...) should still get benefits if they need them.

No it’s real life experience about their real lives.

Clearly lots of people live in clusters of mass diagnoses while others live in the lands of non lables only.

🙄

Friends DD is 7, non verbal and autistic (though due to her moving multiple times, not diagnosed). No-one could convince me that’s not a disability. She’s in another zone most of the time. 100% a disability. Obviously ND is a scale, and not all same.

Your gossip with friends isn’t data!

It wasnt this thread I think, or perhaps it was but a psychiatrist posted about the percentage of severity, so it used to be those in the top 5% of severity who were diagnosed and now its those in the top 10%, so the bar has absolutely been widered and the diagnositic criteria has changed over the years as well

It will change again, these things always do.

Ooo ok your DD’s class trumps experts in the field doing a big indepth NHS study.

I’m going by what friends and colleges are sharing about their lives.

If a friend tells me she’s been diagnosed why would I think she is a lier. If a retired teacher who one taught my child shared their delight at their adhd meds working and clearing the fog why would I call her a lier?