AIBU to ask why ADHD and autism are dismissed as disabilities?

Do you want disabled people in work,
earning taxes or not? If you do they need help.

Why is it for other people to employ you? It’s for you to get yourself employed in order to earn money and support yourself. Interesting how having relationships, kids, navigating the benefits system and messaging online 24/7 is all totally manageable but a fairly basic job isn’t?

There are some very vocal people that do not like it when people call these things disabilities. I think as they are vocal they get heard more than other people with different presentations.

There is one woman I know who was very upset when her DCs school called these things disabilities because she'd always just told her DC that they have a "different brain". This child has some distressing symptoms that they find more upsetting as they get older and their peers grow out of these things. I think that they are being done a massive disservice by pretending that they don't have a disability when these things are a reality for them that they can't avoid.

This

It really doesn't help when there's people self diagnosing or claiming to have because they're a bit quirky

I can’t imagine there are many autistic people who would ‘take’ from someone who clearly needs it more. Many adaptations for less severe autism cost
zero money. Unlike wheelchairs/full time carers etc which cost a lot of money. Someone who can hold down a job gets nothing. They don’t hand out disability benefits like contraceptives.

7 days of no sleep is a medical emergency… sorry op but I think your exaggerating a bit!

I think the main issue is that we're all affected differently.

Many dyspraxic people struggle to drive at all but I drive trucks and heavy plant for a living. Really technical manoeuvres which still need to be perfect 13 hours into a shift if things go wrong and the job drags out.

I've got ADHD too and really struggled at school and in my graduate job but it doesn't really affect this job as there isn't much time management. I'm either waiting on the customer or I'm going hell for leather to get finished. I am on Concerta though. Main area it helps it getting motivated to do the housework after a 50+ hour week in the boiling heat/freezing cold.

I’m just going to answer your actual question and suggest you temp. A friend of mine has unmedicated ADHD and she makes a great admin temp. She makes no decisions herself and is given specific instructions on who to call, what time to book meetings or taxis or flights and she is a lovely person. She is a night owl, who goes and goes then crashes (fine) and though she does squeak through the office door at 4 mins past 9, in these days of lots of WFH, this is not the sin that used to get her sacked. She sorts the stationery cupboards, she makes teas and coffees, she bounces on to cover reception when they need a break.

She is unemployable permanently in a role that would require her to think for herself or anyone else but as an instruction follower she is great. And she never leaves work early. She averages 3 weeks a month and the places she works at rebook her so she knows already she has 2 weeks’ work in September at someone she knows.

i will say that she sounds like it’s easy but her poor kids had so many late marks for school that her DH took them because they cried so much - she has 6 alarms set to make flights (which she doesn’t always), she will talk til 4am even if you’re unconscious and be back up at 6am. She used to not brush her teeth etc but has a checklist and ticks things off as a daily to do list. She times herself to “beat” the time before as motivation for jobs she can’t seem to get the mojo for and has very strange mood regulation but she has found a groove after YEARS of being hired for being lovely and sacked for being paralysed by indecision.

I believe you that it's extremely disabling for you. I think it's just a very variable condition. As an example, I score 0 points on the PIP calculator. I have ADHD, not sure about Autism, and I do have a lot of challenges but they're more around things that you wouldn't score points for like social isolation, tiredness, productivity, keeping on top of mundane tasks like housework and gardening, forgetfulness and organisation difficulties etc.

I hope things improve for you, especially with sleep.

Absolute rubbish.

Autism and ADHD are under diagnosed in this country and to have either they need to have a significant impact on life. Nobody gets a diagnosis without being severely affected. You are more likely to be bullied if you have autism, 60-80% of those with autism experience bullying. In my experience it’s difficult to get young people to accept they have autism as a result. Many parents and young people need to be persuaded to seek diagnosis and don’t want the stigma. It absolutely isn’t a fashionable diagnosis. Struggling with huge difficulties, self harm and MH isn’t something people like to share.

Disability ‘tax’ is very real. Having to buy multiple pairs of shoes because the first pair that were suitable upon first wear are no longer suitable on the third wear due to sensory issues.

Having to stockpile ‘safe’ foods and then when they get discontinued they either no longer eat that food ever again or you have multiple wasted packs of things in the search for a suitable alternative.

Having to buy ear defenders/earplugs to minimise sensory overload, but the first pair aren’t quite right due to sensory issues so you have to order a second or even third pair.

Because it does not always manifest itself as a disability? I know multiple people who became self-made millionaires as a direct result of their autism/ADHD traits combined with very lucky circumstances that allowed them to monetise their special interests and talent.

I would go as far to say that the majority of extremely successful artists, musicians and entrepreneurs are all on the ADHD spectrum. Being ND is just having a brain that's wired and works differently. The actual manifestation of the symptoms vary hugely depending on living situation, wealth and privilege.

Thats why its a spectrum

My son was diagnosed at three and completley non verbal
With a very limited understanding of world around
His presentation is very differrent to yours too
But you both have a disgnosis.

^^ exactly this

Have things got worse then in the last eight years. If you were able to work for many years but can't now, what has changed or did you lose your job?

The problem is that they have become fashionable diagnoses (or self-diagnoses) for people who aren't severely affected, OP.

Genuinely disabled people are being marginalised within their own diagnostic category, which is being co-opted by people who may well be gathered at one end of the "normal range" spectrum but who are simply choosing a medicalised framework for challenges that are faced by very many.

Some of these "normal range" people are even clamouring to get the terminology of "disability" removed from autism/adhd discourse, calling it a "difference" instead. Of course it is a difference rather than a disability if you have pushed the diagnostic threshold to its absolute bottom limit or below! The solution to that is to stop medicalising yourself unnecessarily, not to trivialise a serious developmental disorder.

Anyone who points out this injustice on MN is vulnerable to an accusation of dismissing the challenges faced by people with autism or ADHD. But in reality, the failure to challenge it is harming vulnerable people.

I’m a bit confused you say you’ve worked since 16 but also that you are unemployable.

it’s clearly not a one size fits all.

Some audhd people (like me) can work but need some adjustments.

Some can work but only in some jobs - lots of creative industries packed with audhd people.

Some can work but it’s just hard for them.

Some neurotypical people also find work hard. That’s where the difficulty is. Who is to weigh up the difficulty or hardness of ‘masking’ vs the hardness of functioning day to day when you are, eg: morbidly obese or suffer depression or are greiving. Those people don’t get exceptions.

Then of course there are groups who genuinely cannot hold down a job. I assume my son will be one when he’s older. That group should be supported whether through voluntary opportunities or given benefits. I do always think a benefits package for anyone who is capable of literally anything is the worst case as being enabled to be isolated and stuck home all the time is terrible for literally anyone’s health

Who is saying that neuro disabilities aren't disabilities, though? I would say that they clearly are. My dd2 has autism and clearly has to overcome difficulties her peers don't face.

I do think autism would be less disabling if the school system wasn't set up to assume everyone is nt.

Because it’s an invisible disability in that there are no obvious physical props like a wheelchair. Coupled with a general attitude than you “can help it” and “it can’t be that hard” to do xyz.
Nobody can see all the paddling you have to do beneath the surface just to try and marginally function enough to pass as “normal”.
Just one example. My children are incapable of eating regularly or properly, because they don’t get the same hunger signals as neurotypicals, they will only eat when they are on the verge of collapse, and only packaged stuff because they can’t co-ordinate a meal or follow instructions. I get told all the time to leave them to it (they are 21 and 18) as if I haven’t thought of that before 🙄, because they “will eat when they are hungry”. Believe me I have left them to see how they handle it, on several occasions, over different ages, and they literally starved. They need constant prompting to eat and drink. It’s exhausting for me and it’s awful for them. It drives me mad that my kids are constantly told “you are not really disabled” by people who have absolutely no clue how difficult it is to do what is considered routine normal stuff.
And I sympathise with the sleep deprivation, the catastrophising, the masking, the ear worms, and the general squirrel on speed on a treadmill brain that is ADHD.
It’s absolutely exhausting, ON TOP of life, which apparently, according to NTs, is exhausting anyway.

My daughter may be able to hold down a part time job, but my son is going to struggle. He has no short term memory (properly diagnosed) and he cannot follow a series of instructions, which are both necessary skills for employment. He is very scared about his future.
Total sympathy from me to you.

When you're passed out for up to 72 hours how does your husband cope with working and looking after two ND kids etc?

Please tell me you/he has help because you all very much deserve it.

I mean plenty of single parents probably cope but if the coma comes out of the blue, it can't be planned for.