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AIBU to ask why ADHD and autism are dismissed as disabilities?

287 replies

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 16:12

There’s been a tonne of threads about benefits recently and there seems to be a recurring theme that ‘only the most severe disabilities should get any help’ and they almost always mention that people suffering with MH health issues, or ‘non issues’ like ADHD should be cut off from help. I’d like to know what those people in particular think adhd is, and why they don’t consider it to be a disability.

I am 44 years old, I have level 1 autism and ‘combined type’ adhd. I have worked since I left school at 16. I raised my eldest 3 children from my first marriage by myself, all 3 are diagnosed with varying degrees of neurodivergences (didn’t know that at the time)

I am now married to a wonderful man, and we have children together, they are also ND.

It is a challenge every single day to just make myself wash & brush my teeth. And I need to try and herd 2
other people with the same issues to do the same.

I am massively in debt, because the filter that everyone else seems to have that tell you, no don’t do it, just isn’t there.

I literally cannot sleep. I try. But my brain is almost always stuck in a loop of catastrophising, and is running a chorus of a song that I hate over and over and over and there’s nothing I can do about it. When I do sleep I’m still catastrophising and have incredibly vivid nightmares and wake up sad, anxious and depressed and I can’t shake off my dreams easily.

I go from 7 or so days of zero sleep, then pass out and am comatose for 48-72 hours approx.

I forget to eat, I forget to drink water. I don’t know that I need the bathroom until my bladder is literally about to burst.

I suffer from boredom so extreme that I’ve attempted suicide multiple times.

‘Masking’ takes everything that I have. By the time I get home after any social event (by event I mean anything that needs me to present as a ‘normal’ person, school drops offs, appointments etc) leave me gasping for breath, physically stimming to the point my muscles are crying out and I still can’t stop, endlessly ruminating over conversations I had to participate in against my will.

This is not a comprehensive list. I’ll remember this post for the rest of my life and there will always be things I should have added to it.

My body is perfectly fine. I’m not disabled in that way. But my brain, my bodies operating system, IS disabled. I’m so tired of hearing that adhd and lower levels of autism are not disabling. They absolutely fucking are. I manage the school run these days and that’s pretty much it. I haven’t been able to work for around 8 years now.

Go ahead. Tell me how you’d employ me.

OP posts:
measuretwicecutonce · 24/06/2026 17:37

I don’t understand some things and the reasons why people need extra money because they forget to eat. Just set a reminder on your phone surely? I don’t understand either why needing multiple pairs of ear defenders should be funded by the tax payer (as per pp). Lastly, and I’m sure I’ll get slated for this, but if life is challenging why do people have so many children, esp knowing they will likely be ND too. I’m NT but stopped at 2, defo couldn’t do anymore!

Tableforjoan · 24/06/2026 17:37

I stopped at three and mine are NT that was plenty.

I couldn’t raise 4 plus children especially not with various ND which could be competing against each other. Would probably kill me.

ABOOO · 24/06/2026 17:36

likelysuspect · 24/06/2026 17:34

I find being a woman leads to bloody burn out!!!

Having 4 - 5 children would definitely be something that burned me out!

Larrythecatforpm · 24/06/2026 17:35

likelysuspect · 24/06/2026 17:34

I find being a woman leads to bloody burn out!!!

Well said.

likelysuspect · 24/06/2026 17:34

Tableforjoan · 24/06/2026 17:29

Nobody is saying is ain’t a disability but not everyone with it should or needs pip Because it’s a sliding scale not everyone with adhd or autism is the same.

As you say you worked from 16 till it sounds recently but you also had 4-5 ND children in that time you raised as well.

maybe it’s not just the autism that’s fully your burn out. It’s having 4-5? Children who are all ND as well. That would be a lot for most people.

I find being a woman leads to bloody burn out!!!

ABOOO · 24/06/2026 17:34

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 17:33

My kids are not starved… I’m saying on my worst days, when I’m paralysed that’s all that runs through my mind. That I’m not being the mum they deserve. That they’re better off without me. Which I absolutely do not agree with.

Does your DH not feed the children?

Geoprint · 24/06/2026 17:34

Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:28

Yes we know that yet SO many people claim for it and that’s what’s driving the rise in claims

Only 7 to 10% of all working-age autistic people claim Personal Independence Payment (PIP).

You don’t get it for a diagnosis but how it impacts life. Even when it severely impacts life it is hard to get PIP as it’s very specific.

Larrythecatforpm · 24/06/2026 17:33

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 17:33

My kids are not starved… I’m saying on my worst days, when I’m paralysed that’s all that runs through my mind. That I’m not being the mum they deserve. That they’re better off without me. Which I absolutely do not agree with.

You literally said you see them sad and unfed. So what is it op? do you feed them or are they unfed?

likelysuspect · 24/06/2026 17:33

User97463 · 24/06/2026 17:07

Because it does not always manifest itself as a disability? I know multiple people who became self-made millionaires as a direct result of their autism/ADHD traits combined with very lucky circumstances that allowed them to monetise their special interests and talent.

I would go as far to say that the majority of extremely successful artists, musicians and entrepreneurs are all on the ADHD spectrum. Being ND is just having a brain that's wired and works differently. The actual manifestation of the symptoms vary hugely depending on living situation, wealth and privilege.

Edited

Yes this.

Someone can have the condition but not be as affected by it as someone else. Thats the same for many illnesses and disorders.

The other narrative that has been really damaging around these conditions is the 'Ive got a superpower', a specialness. No other disability or illness is spoken of or treated like that. Akin to this concept of 'being my true self/me', which then translates as just personality quirks

It cant be both.

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 17:33

Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:27

If your kids are sad and unfed despite the benefits then there’s no point in them. No excuse for that whatsoever. You chose to be a mother - their wellbeing comes before yours.

My kids are not starved… I’m saying on my worst days, when I’m paralysed that’s all that runs through my mind. That I’m not being the mum they deserve. That they’re better off without me. Which I absolutely do not agree with.

OP posts:
Geoprint · 24/06/2026 17:30

Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:25

OP isn’t in work and won’t be paying taxes no matter what we do

Absolute rubbish. I have 6 autistic people in my family, 4 of whom have been very ill, with 3 repeatedly hospitalised and under multiple high level services,4 are in work, 2 are studying to gain work. 5 have needed reasonable adjustments, EHCPs and a lot of support, 2 have PIP.

Without support you’d have 5 out of work and very unlikely to contribute to society.

Tableforjoan · 24/06/2026 17:29

Nobody is saying is ain’t a disability but not everyone with it should or needs pip Because it’s a sliding scale not everyone with adhd or autism is the same.

As you say you worked from 16 till it sounds recently but you also had 4-5 ND children in that time you raised as well.

maybe it’s not just the autism that’s fully your burn out. It’s having 4-5? Children who are all ND as well. That would be a lot for most people.

BravasPatatas · 24/06/2026 17:29

Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:28

Yes we know that yet SO many people claim for it and that’s what’s driving the rise in claims

They wouldn’t be awarded it if they couldn’t prove that it caused them significant difficulties though.

ABOOO · 24/06/2026 17:29

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 17:26

My husband is self employed. He can tell better than me when I might need help.

It is always out of the blue. Some days i wake, and I literally cannot move. My conscious wants me to get up, to do housework, to make dinner. My mind is an ever revolving door of all the things that need to be done. I can see my kids sad and unfed. I can see my husband coming home from a hard day at work. I can ‘see’ everything that needs to be done. I just can’t do it. My brain doesn’t work like that.

This sounds so difficult.

So for up to 3 days you sleep and go to the toilet but do you manage to eat and drink?

Getting absolutely zero sleep for 7 days would actually have me hallucinating I think.

BravasPatatas · 24/06/2026 17:28

My DS has level 3 autism. He can’t talk or understand spoken language. He cannot dress himself and will never live independently. It’s most definitely a disability!

BrieCake · 24/06/2026 17:28

Some people just can’t understand it, I have autism and adhd and at 18 had a huge trauma and burnout and haven’t ever recovered . I’m 46 now and I know that even some people in my family think im a waste of space living off benefits. I tend to not tell people the truth often I say I work from home to avoid judgement

Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:28

x2boys · 24/06/2026 17:27

Both Autism and ADHD are by defintion disabillities
Having a diagnosis doesnt however mean somone is entitled to PIP
Its how those condtions impacts a person thst determines their eligibilty for PIP.

Yes we know that yet SO many people claim for it and that’s what’s driving the rise in claims

shnauzer · 24/06/2026 17:28

i have suffered some quite severe physical health issues recently and i still found mental health side much worse to deal with. so i have sympathy towards that are going through the same for sure! its horrible

Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:27

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 17:26

My husband is self employed. He can tell better than me when I might need help.

It is always out of the blue. Some days i wake, and I literally cannot move. My conscious wants me to get up, to do housework, to make dinner. My mind is an ever revolving door of all the things that need to be done. I can see my kids sad and unfed. I can see my husband coming home from a hard day at work. I can ‘see’ everything that needs to be done. I just can’t do it. My brain doesn’t work like that.

If your kids are sad and unfed despite the benefits then there’s no point in them. No excuse for that whatsoever. You chose to be a mother - their wellbeing comes before yours.

aCatCalledFawkes · 24/06/2026 17:27

Rosesandcamelias · 24/06/2026 16:35

I have autism. I don't know what level. I spent my school years sat alone in the library, a complete loner who couldn't maintain eye contact with anyone. This has continued into adulthood. I have no friends. I feel sheer panic at any social situations. I haven't seen any of my relatives apart from parents since I was about 10 years old (and they lived around the corner).

I used to look around at my peers and wonder, why am I so different? Why don't I know what to say to anyone, why am I always by myself, why haven't I succeeded like others have? Well I know now, Autism. So yes, it is definitely a disability.

I do wonder whether people getting the diagnosis truly have social struggles though. From my tiny case study, my neighbours teenage daughter has just been diagnosed with autism, yet I see her coming and going loudly with friends all the time. I think, but I'm autistic and I've never had that?

Sorry, rambling.

That's a misconception of autism that everyone who has autism isn't sociable or has no friends. My son has adhd and autism. He is really sociable with friends and always out and about. However he makes poor decisions and continuously ends up some sort of trouble - not big trouble but fights, falling out with people, arguments etc

I hadn't thought about claiming DLA, my main driver was his lack of engagement with school despite them making huge adjustments for him. Well now we know we can make the right adjustments for his rather than guessing. It helps me to create strategies for him at home.

I would think benefits should be applied to the individuals on a case by case basis and given to those who need it. I know of two children who very autistic and unlikely to work at all. I think they need help but there are people in the middle who need it too.

x2boys · 24/06/2026 17:27

Both Autism and ADHD are by defintion disabillities
Having a diagnosis doesnt however mean somone is entitled to PIP
Its how those condtions impacts a person thst determines their eligibilty for PIP.

Larrythecatforpm · 24/06/2026 17:27

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 17:26

My husband is self employed. He can tell better than me when I might need help.

It is always out of the blue. Some days i wake, and I literally cannot move. My conscious wants me to get up, to do housework, to make dinner. My mind is an ever revolving door of all the things that need to be done. I can see my kids sad and unfed. I can see my husband coming home from a hard day at work. I can ‘see’ everything that needs to be done. I just can’t do it. My brain doesn’t work like that.

So you see your kids sad & unfed? You do understand your admitting your neglecting your children don’t you? Think social services needs to be involved if it’s that bad. This is appaling, they become before you op. Stop making up exgrations and pitying yourself and step up.

SummerAtaris · 24/06/2026 17:26

ABOOO · 24/06/2026 16:51

When you're passed out for up to 72 hours how does your husband cope with working and looking after two ND kids etc?

Please tell me you/he has help because you all very much deserve it.

I mean plenty of single parents probably cope but if the coma comes out of the blue, it can't be planned for.

My husband is self employed. He can tell better than me when I might need help.

It is always out of the blue. Some days i wake, and I literally cannot move. My conscious wants me to get up, to do housework, to make dinner. My mind is an ever revolving door of all the things that need to be done. I can see my kids sad and unfed. I can see my husband coming home from a hard day at work. I can ‘see’ everything that needs to be done. I just can’t do it. My brain doesn’t work like that.

OP posts:
Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:25

Geoprint · 24/06/2026 17:24

Do you want disabled people in work,
earning taxes or not? If you do they need help.

OP isn’t in work and won’t be paying taxes no matter what we do

Sheismycherrypie · 24/06/2026 17:25

MummyWillow1 · 24/06/2026 17:12

I can’t imagine there are many autistic people who would ‘take’ from someone who clearly needs it more. Many adaptations for less severe autism cost
zero money. Unlike wheelchairs/full time carers etc which cost a lot of money. Someone who can hold down a job gets nothing. They don’t hand out disability benefits like contraceptives.

The ins and outs of the lives of grown adults with normal IQs and able bodies really isn’t my problem. I’ve just pulled a long working day in a hot stressful room after 3 hours sleep on account of a sick child, I’m also chronically ill myself and have a bundle of other ‘issues’. I have no time for people who do nothing but make excuses while eating rubbish and feeding their screen addiction on universal credit.

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