AIBU for shouting after being locked out with my sick child?

Wee pictures still don't make me understand why ANYONE would need to climb under a fence to get to their back garden.

There was no glib response btw. Just support for you. My mistake. Unfollowing this now.

Absolute weird responses to support.

I assumed the OP meant the kind with cement posts and base so that the panels can be slid up and down. Her neighbour would slide the fence up while she climbed under.

Of course it’s rational. What possible reason could he have had for putting the chain on the door, and then leaving it on even though he knew OP was bringing their child home sick ? I have mobility issues and I can only imagine how difficult and humiliating it must have been for OP to climb under a bloody fence. This is on him - I’d have been just as furious.

Yanbu I don’t blame you. It is so bloody hot and to be locked out with a sick child. He deserved it. He knew you were on the way home

You don't understand my first point because you agreed with me then turned on me!

Still don't get the back garden. Nothing to do with the fence panels. I have never come across a back garden that you need to crawl under a fence to get into.

Similar to you, 20 year relationship properly argued only a handful of times

I would say my partner is one of a very short list of people who I could say "fuck off" to and mean it. We are conditioned I think to think we have to hold our tongue and think of the other person but sometimes you just have to let them know that you are mad in that moment and that their actions have made a difficult situation harder for you unnecessarily. Whilst the initial moments of the arguement can be heated, it usually quickly goes to a very honest discussion and where we both are at that moment in time.

For me the important things are separating actions and the person. We are a sweary couple but throwing we never throw and insult at the person. In our relationship there is a big difference between "you are fucking useless, why would you put the chain on and then ignore your phone" and "why didn't you answer your fucking phone, I've been phoning as you'd left the latch on and I couldn't get in. The first in our relationship would be unacceptable, the latter an expression of frustration at a situation. We always apologise and use it as a opening to be more vulnerable. "I'm sorry, it's just this heat and managing Child, I just wanted to get us both home and where I could get us both more settled to see if he improves."

I have a phrase "don't poke the bear" and that is, I'm in a bad mood, you aren't at fault but if you continue with what you are doing I'm going to find my temper fraying. What I need right now is half an hour of quiet and space and once I have that an have collected my thoughts we can talk like rationale humans but right now I'm an irritated bear. It is ok to be a bear and need space! It's just about how you ask for it.

Oh I see this was ok. This has truly bothered me.

Also, what kind of back garden entails you climb UNDER a fence to get to it?

I am just gonna say that he probably put the chain on automatic. Which is what happened to me once, at night. It happens.

It's extremely annoying! He's forgetful about plenty of other things too so I know it's not personal.

Perhaps an airhorn that goes off in his office on a button above the doorbell haha. That would get his attention!

I totally agree but it seems the OP has got things sorted out. Hopefully they can move on. But I agree it’s a bit odd.

Absolute bullshit! I know for a fact that I've put the chain on during the daytime, not thinking. I've also left my phone in the fridge whilst packing away groceries, not to mention walking in to a room and forgetting why I entered it in the first place. Just because it doesn't happen to you, it doesn't make it impossible.

It's all been said but I sympathise with you. I'd have been very cross in that situation as well. Mumsnet is quite a weird place now, lots of people projecting quite fanciful ideas of abuse on to you.

My DH sounds very similar to yours and I've had many teeth gritting moments where he's had the luxury of 'getting caught up in work' and forgetting things or a total lack of multi tasking meaning things are done very slowly or not at all. Having to remind him of things, or if I ask him to do something, he says can you remind me tomorrow 🤯 I feel like he's outsourcing his executive functioning to me, I HAVE ENOUGH TO DO! Oof, I feel a bit better for having got that off my chest. But like you, my DH's good qualities outweigh the bad.

I wonder if it’s because as mums, we multi task, are conscious of everyone else’s moods/ days / challenges; he didn’t think of you ; that’s why you lost it . I’d be the same ( 4 ND kids here) and it’s exhausting. If rolls were reversed you’d have a cup of tea waiting, change of clothes etc. he didn’t ; Yh yh because he’s working . Not a heart surgeon tho !!! It’s all about priorities; totally get it .
for what it’s worth; I’d go bat shit too x

Ever thought perhaps he is on the spectrum? There is an hereditary component and you say you child is so perhaps this explains some of his struggles with multi tasking and seeming absentmindedness?

This is absolutely something I would do. I have to say yanbu otherwise I'd be a massive hypocrite.
It's like death by 1000 cuts sometimes; if this was a completely isolated incident you probably wouldn't be so angry.
I recommend you get your husband to read and digest that article, something along the lines of, "my wife divorced me because I left a glass by the dishwasher".
It's not the simple act of forgetting to unbolt a door. It's the feeling of, 'how can you care so little about us that you could do this in the first place'. And for him, and I'm generalising but he sounds like my husband, they don't see it as a lack of care, it's just an isolated incident?! But amongst all the other micro shits they do, it just tips you over the edge!

Jax is beautiful. Black and white cats are hugely under-rated. Have you / he tried the stick treats from Lidl? Molly is a fussy little fucker has a discerning palate and shuns dreamies, ham, roast chicken and all usual cat treats. She can't get enough of the Lidl ones though.

She does likes duck though, Which is frankly just typical of her.

I've got an autistic child, the chain gets put on without me even thinking about it. It's always on so he can't escape.
I can understand your frustration OP, but anyone can have a lapse, especially during a busy day working. I don't think he deserved to be screamed at, especially when he had to go straight back to work.

That’s because I was supporting you but now I have complete and utter sympathy for the poor guy who lives with you.

Thank you, he totally agrees!

Now I have to move him to go to the loo… I’ve been waiting but he shows no signs of moving… Desperate times now! maybe I should get DH to do it I’ll be harmed regardless 😂