AIBU for shouting after being locked out with my sick child?

Yes
I have always had a buzzer on my phone on silent mode whether via the phone or my Fitbit because I am a parent and need to be contactable in an emergency.

Were you in the house when school called? Ie did you leave and he put the chain on? Or were you out already, he’d put the chain on earlier, and he forgot about it after you got in touch to say you were picking up DS? The former would anger me - why put it on? The latter is just an accident - yes a really annoying one, but people forget things all the time, and if DH screamed at me over it, I’d be really really
upset and think he was massively out of order. (Even the former I don’t think you should have screamed but I’d want to know why he deliberately chained the door after you left - I assume this isn’t what happened because I guess you’d have said, because it’s really mean)

ETA - I’ve just seen that he put it on earlier, not right after you left. So yeah I think you’re unreasonable to have screamed at him.

We have similar set up, high needs autistic flight risk and key chain and I quite often put it on as reflex even when home alone. Sorry to hear your son is sick, hope he feels better soon. I probably would have reacted the same and then felt bad after. He sounds like a good husband can you just agree to move on and him be more mindful in future

You wouldn't? You'd just take the chance that they would be locked out to save yourself walking down two flights of stairs?

What a prick. I would be furious too in this heat. What was he thinking!!!

So, he actively put the chain on the door after you had left to collect your son?
Interviewing? My arse!

Does your phone buzz on silent

Can you stop please. You're way off the mark.

Husband locked me out once. I kicked the door in. I would have done the same in your shoes as well

I click the latch on my door every time I pass. It's habit. It means nobody can open it with a key and have to knock/ring..

Presumably he put the chain on at some unspecified earlier point, and when she told him she was coming home early with DS it didn't occur to him to take it off. Then he ignored her repeated calls and texts because he was interviewing, despite knowing she and DS were due home, and the expected time of their arrival having long passed.
Obviously you shouldn't be checking your phone when interviewing but in a child related emergency that is different. He didnt think about her or the DS at all. If I knew my DH and sick child were due home at 3 and it was 4 and they weren't home and my phone was buzzing off the hook I would be panicking that something had happened, and would be checking my phone regardless. He didn't even think about them, which is why she's so angry

Have a cold shower and a cup of tea. Apologise and move on. Very frustrating situation, you lost your rag. It happens. Not unusual. Not abusive. Be kind to yourself, your dc and your husband. Forgive yourself. Your husband will.

Sorry OP I think YABU but probably not massively so.

He stuck the chain on absent mindedly and was engrossed in his work. I don't even keep my phone in the same room when I WFH as it distracts me.

You sat in an air-conditioned car for a bit and no-one died or got seriously hurt. Hardly life changing.

Having said that he'll probably get over you shouting at him without any lasting trauma. It's hot and we're all irritable.

I do think the fact you can't get over your anger is a bit much though. If I lose my temper I tend to calm down fairly quickly. It' was annoying but it's over now, have an ice lolly and move on with your day.

I’d have lost it as well, in those circs, to be honest. Just reading it made me angry!

You should apologise for screaming though, and he should apologise for not listening to you. Because that’s what this is, really. Men not listening. Male selective hearing. Men not thinking of others in the moment when empathy is very much needed.

Forgive yourself, but also, if he’s generally a great dad, forgive him.

I'd be raging too, Op, while it was all going on. Later on though, I'd realise he prob had totally forgotten the chain was on (perhaps on autopilot when closing the door).
My Dh is incredibly absent-minded so I know your anger on this occasion stems from having to deal with it on a regular basis.
It would be one thing if this was totally out of character but another if it's almost par for the course.
You were entitled to want him dead as you drove around in this heat with a sick child while he ignored the buzzing on his phone. Now that it's over, you need to explain to him why it was so frustrating but also learn from this. From now on, sadly, you'll have to say things like, "I'm on my way home, make sure the chain isn't on".

Sorry actually YABU. What floor is the study/room your husband works in when he’s WFH? Ours is 2 floors up from the ground floor and if I was busy working and got a text from my DH that he was coming home early, then there’s no way I’d go all the way downstairs just to check if I’d accidentally locked the door. If he shouted at me for something like that I’d be really really upset.

I hope your son feels better.

Anger and stress isn't an excuse to abuse. Even for women..

But what about your child?

You've hardly mentioned him in all of this except to say...

DS is autistic with high support needs - he’s 8 but intellectually more like a 2/3 year old. He’s non verbal and cannot communicate how he feels. I collected him because he’d been sick at school.

He had a to witness all that and when he's ill too.

He must've felt scared. Is he ok now?

Why would he get up from his interviews after you had left to collect a sick child and chain the door? That's so bizarre. I would want an explanation

This is a wrong on both sides but fixable with apologies on both sides issue. Sounds like you are both under pressure but the relationship has a lot going for it. Distract yourself from the anger as if it's a physical symptom - do something else, think about something else - and it will probably fade. Hope you will all three be okay.

If your son is ND, there's a huge likelihood your partner is ( or you could be).

If your partner is ( sorry for all the offence ND people), but is it possible there's a long term drip drip effect of behaviour you deal with that you always excuse,.yet, is actually quite difficult to navigate in the relationship. And then one day you bloody explode. And then believe you are this big unstable problem because you understandably lost it?

Well you are not. To be so concerned by one outburst ( you are absolutely forgiven in my eyes), it tells me you take on responsibility for behaviour more than you should and now you've lost it.

Do not over apologise. I would breathe deeply and one evening, alone, assess what is really ok and not ok within the relationship dynamic.

That fucking chain would be ripped off and lassoed down the driveway tbh. The stress of parenting an ND child is more than enough for you.

I'm not saying he's wanking off, but there are questions regarding the chain. I would need a very clear answer as to why. Was it deliberately to piss you off, what privacy was needed?

You don't stomp around losing it all the time. Remember. You're allowed to blow under too much weight. Especially if you're a people pleaser mopping up everyone else's shit ( I sense you might be ).

I can understand why you lost your temper. Apologise and move on.

I don't understand what happens though, he was working from home and you left to pick up sick ds, while your were gone he's come downstairs put the chain on the door and gone back to work? Why the fuck would he do that?

No, she seems angry, stressed and at the end of her tether.