AIBU for shouting after being locked out with my sick child?

Its no excuse. It isnt an excuse for an abusive man and isn't an excuse for an abusive woman. Sun, rain, sleep, whatever.

A lot of girls were told that they can retaliate this way as children and therefore grown women like the OP think that as long as they have a reason, they can scream and shout at people.

If you can’t tell the difference between natural strong emotions released in a safe way and abuse I suggest you read and learn

It's not regular though?

But he'd have to have put the chain on after she left ot get ds, I don't understand why he'd do that. It takes what 30mins to collect a child from school (depending how far away school is) why would he need to put the chain on in that time. Not the point of the thread I know, I'm just trying to understand the sequence of events. If you do trust him op it seems he's made a stupid mistake and will feel shitty about it, hopefully won't happened again and you can both apologise and move on.

No, i dont know who has told you this but it isnt ok. It's you showing poor behaviour every time you do it. If someone regualrly makes you angry, distance yourself from them.

What does whatever your mum told you when you were 7 even mean?

Look up what heat exhaustion can do to stress hormones, they can temporarily go through the roof, also factoring in fear her son would get even sicker. Thats why she shouted so much. I 100% doubt she is like this normally.

DH and I have been married 15 years, think we have had probably 3 or 4 big shouty arguments in that time. Is it ideal? No. Do we all lose our rag at times? Yes. It's not bloody abusive for god's sake. The OP had a seriously stressful afternoon. To suggest she's going to start being physically abusive after this is just nuts.

This is appalling.

Are you a man?

The lady has an ND son. I'm betting husband also ND after reading through OPs description. Highly heritable so statistically, it's exceptionally likely.

OP refers to her own mobility issues.

The incidence of health problems, including autoimmunity is significantly enhanced in women parenting ND children, never mind supporting a husband also with his ND needs.

Women raising ND children often report PTSD related physical symptoms from ongoing stress and raised cortisol levels ( also hence the autoimmune disease risk).

Under the weight of expectations upon women, this scenario is not akin to Mr Meathead husband shouting at his wife because his Stella wasn't chilled in advance of 5pm.

Pathologising women with mental illness due to appropriate, proportionate responses, is a big problem. And you're doing this to her.

She acknowledges a slip in typical responses. She is self aware enough to accept responsibility ( too much in my opinion).

Women are allowed to lose it under the imbalanced circumstance they are too often dumped into.

This could easily happen in my house too!! DH has ADHD and doesn’t bloody think! The amount of times I’ve been out and come home to find he’s locked the front door and left the keys in the lock on the inside so I can’t get in …. I really shouted at him one night when I had to break down the garden gate and hammer on our bedroom French doors …. So bloody cross at the stupidity and lack of thinking

In the real world, adults are expected to emotional regulate and not slip into abusive behaviours. Even us female humans. We have brains big enough to do that.

What the heck with the shouting and screaming? You made a thing about your son being autistic, then you shout and scream in front of him
It wasn't a big deal, I would hate to think what would happen if something big did happen. Pull yourself together and stop being a bullying idiot.

I think if people could realise that people do need to be allowed to express their emotions including the bad ones. And that isn’t going to be saying “oh gosh that was hard” - that’s not emotion

and that there is a world of difference between shouting which isn’t actually harmful and physical abuse

yes if you are always being shouted at , that could well be abusive and is certainly a reason to walk away.

but bottling emotions is harmful too. And we need to understand better when real harm is done to us. Getting a bolllocing for being stupid isn’t having real harm done to you. You should feel absolutely crap that you made someone that hurt and cross

Shouting at a partner in anger when they have done something to legitimately make you angry isn't domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour intended to exert control over a partner. Sporadic angry shouting doesn't meet this definition. It's not ok, but it's not abuse.

Probably both

This is the real world where people lose their tempers.

Does nobody understand how heat affects the body? Really high heat can ramp up stress chemicals very high amd the body would be in true fight or flight mode so yea sure, she had regulatory issues in that moment, because of the extreme heat and threat to her/her sons safety for not being able to cool their bodies down if they couldnt get inside.

YABU - if my DH ever carried on like this I’d be rethinking the relationship.

I think it’s one of those things. It’s hot. It sounds stressful all around.
It sounds like he’s done it inadvertently not maliciously. Interviewing all day on teams is full on and mentally all consuming (I’ve done it and swore never again to do so many back to back) He’s apologised. He may not have even had his mobile phone in room with him.
We all make mistakes and do silly things sometimes.
I’ve been with DH 30 years and can count on one hand times we have blown up at each other. It does shake you as it’s very much not the norm.

No i am really not. I know that for some people, youve been taught that because you sre female, you're allowed to retaliate when provoked or annoyed in any way you want but that isnt healthy or normal. There is never a time when you screaming at your partner is acceptable. It doesnt matter what your mum told you when you were 7.

I would have been absolutely furious, especially as there was no reason at all for him putting the chain on. He sounds clueless.
And should apologise abjectly.

ThisFairPlayer
you are totally bonkers. Wind it in

Nobody is rational in 37 'feels like 40' heat with a sick autistic child and a mobility issue whilst being locked out of their own home to boil.

OP sounds like torture and I'm glad neither of you got heatstroke.