AIBU for shouting after being locked out with my sick child?

I hope you and your son are feeling better now @Kittenwatch. So obviously what your DH did wasn’t deliberate. He just absently minded locked you out of your own home despite knowing you were only away for a short time picking up his sick child. YANBU. I feel angry on your behalf. I am married to the absent minded professor. When do we get to be absent minded? Instead most women don’t have the luxury to be absent minded when juggling all the demands we have on us.

You are continually suggesting things that are not correct or appropriate for OP in this situation.

You don't seem to have a good grasp on this at all with the comments you're making.

Are you a man who was abused by their partner? I absolutely accept that happens.

From what we've been given here; absolutely not the case.

Let's give constructive support to OP in dealing with what her husband is doing and how she can have respite from all the obvious stress - not going down the self blame route you are continually insisting she explore. Not ok.

You had the right to be furious and yell especially in this hot weather. I don't believe in bottling things up. It's not good for you.

It sounds very much like a one off.
Nerdy professional interviewing is probably outside his comfort zone. I feel like a tv presenter having to do a blurb about the organisation and role, stressful making sure you comply with all policies/scoring, deal with candidates crying or frozen rabbits in headlights. I always feel rung out after interviewing.
I can imagine his mind was elsewhere this morning and he’s put chain on inadvertently then not moved from desk. Not ideal but just one of those things.
He’s apologised.
You understandably are angry at him and sound at end of tether. Guessing perimenopause thrown in for good measure (I absolutely lost it once over state of hall cupboard totally out of character throwing things around)
I’d just let dust settle and have a quiet evening. You’ll all feel shaken up.

He did one thing wrong. There is no drip drip. Just a woman who thinks that shouting and screaming at her husband is ok if he has annoyed her and worryingly, quite a lot of women supporting that perspective.

This is quite the leap and not at all an obvious conclusion from the information contained in the OP’s original post or replies.

When someone gets away with being verbally and emotionally abusive, it often escalates.

Abuse is a pattern of behaviour.

There is also a phenomenon called ' reactive abuse ', where over a prolonged period of drip drip unacceptable behaviour from the other party, someone can absolutely explode.. understandably so.

The OP has said the workload in their home is shared equally. Pretty sure she covered that. Stop making excuses for women to be abusive. And no I am not a man, I am suggesting medical reasons the OP might have lost her ability to regulate her emotions.

Yes its frightening how many women think that their behaviour when angry is justified. Their slaps arent real slaps. Their hostility isnt really hostile. Their abuse isnt abusive.

How did your sick son react to the shouting, OP?

Yanbu to be furious but he does probably have undiagnosed neurodiversity issues that potentially triggered this massive lack-of-brain error. Not that it's any excuse but as an adult he needs to be aware of his weaknesses and limitations and factor them in when making decisions. Not in the same league but my partner regularly tidies away kitchen equipment that I am currently using and eg I will go to stir the soup to find that the utensils are all in the dishwasher because autopilot doesn't think about whether there's a reason not to autopilot.

I’d have been absolutely fuming too! It’s just pure thoughtlessness on his part.

I specified self defence earlier. There is no other reason. Even if you are really, really cross.

Oh that’s completely different then! I thought it read that he’d locked it after you’d gone to pick your son up.
Hey, it’s hot, I imagine you were stressed and worried about your son and then frustrated that you couldn’t get in. It’s called the real world not MN holier than thou women’s world. People lose their shit sometimes.
Apologise, explain how you were feeling and hopefully move on.

The OP screaming and shouting at him in a way she would not tolerate herself is abusive. Stop minimising abusive behaviour.

Yanbu.
A sick child and a child for a husband.

You don't get the luxury of switching off like he does.

My sole concern is for you.
It is so bad for your health that his stupidity causes you so much stress.

We don't fight here.
But there have been a couple of times where I have been apoplectic in 33 years.

Each time it was him doing something really fxxking stupid and thoughtless that involved our children.

To this day I absolutely believe I was right to be furious.

20 years ago he left a window open that our child could have fallen out of, despite me repeatedly telling him not to ever leave it open.
He did.
I told him if anything happened to my children because of his stupidity and selflessness, I would do him harm.

He sourced a heavy safety chain to prevent the window opening far, like i had asked.
The window company wouldn't do it for fire reasons.

Anyway OP, sending you strength and sympathy.

Have a nice cool shower and a cold drink if you can and try and decompress.

Now that’s taken to the extreme — there are indeed times when people are justified in an extreme retaliation. If someone has caused a bad accident or severe outcome due to their stupidity, selfishness or criminal behavior then they may well deserve whatever retaliation the injured party feels is appropriate.
I wouldn’t be so quick to judge.

No, she was at work. He was at home. He put the chain on much earlier in the day when everyone left and forgot he did it.

@ThisFairPlayer very well said.

He will forgive you for shouting because he knows he was a total idiot.

Go easy on yourself, OP. To put it mildly, you were in an incredibly annoying situation. That would have been far too much for anyone. Most reasonable people would have reacted in much the same way.

Screaming and shouting isnt safe. I dont want to learn from other women how to be abusive in my home, thank you.

It's not 'who told me' it's literally the definition of domestic abuse as per all accepted research and practice knowledge. Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour. If it's not a pattern, it's not domestic abuse. Of course abuse always has a starting point at which point it isn't yet a pattern but if this is the third time in a 20 year relationship it's NOT a pattern of abuse.