AIBU for shouting after being locked out with my sick child?

Well done OP,

Good marriage communication - you both accepted and admitted responsibility for your faults , and made plans / adjustments / resolve for the future to improve things.

Add an ice lolly to the wine gums.

You need to apologise OP for your reaction. He did something stupid and I see why you are annoyed, furious even..but you behaved badly and that's not ok or a good example for your DS. I'm sure you've done stupid things in your life too. When we realise we've done something dumb it's a horrible feeling without someone shouting abusively about it. Apologise for your manner, he's already apologised for his stupidity and forget about it. It's unlikely to happen again

he’s taken the day off to look after our younger son and I’m on site turning into some kind of smoked meat.

Judging by some of the comments here OP, a lot of posters will be turning into Baloney !!

Does your world include safeguarding a disabled child ? Because that’s what the chain on the door is for. If he does it multiple times a day then he’s probably done it on autopilot and not thought anything of it. I don’t think from what OP says that he did this with any malicious intent, and I think the fact that he ignored her attempts to contact him is more of a problem.

See for me, I’ve known and worked with absent minded people before. Some just can’t help it, some can be trained to be less absent minded. I worked with someone a few years ago who was absent minded and it ended up with some of his work being chucked away despite us having asking/emailing/speaking to him for months on end about what he wanted doing about it. He’d act all absent minded, didn’t know where it was, then found it. Then he was on holiday. Luckily, after this had been picked up by the refuse company and he freaked out in the office, we managed to get to the refuse company (it wasn’t going to archive as usual) and a very understanding man managed to rescue it just in time from being incinerated/crushed. The understanding man said that that afternoon it would’ve been destroyed or whatever they do with it, so we were very lucky and just in time. Lots of phone calls and an urgent visit (me) by cab to the refuse office on a rescue mission. It was surprisingly enough ok too (had been in black bin bags).

From then on this colleague definitely made more of an effort to be less absentminded. At least at work anyway. He’d been known for this for years but everyone usually said “oh that’s just his way”, he was known for it, absent minded and forgetful, and we all let it slide (he was an architect but fairly senior).

So I do get absentmindedness. Hell, I’ve been perimenopausal absentminded but have had to pull myself up sharp on this and put coping mechanisms in place (especially at work, I was a legal EA) or it affected my life more than I wanted it to. I could’ve lost my job over it but didn’t.

Maybe I’m not certain. But I know for sure that in a heatwave with a sick child I’d double think my actions before doing them.

I don't understand your certainty. The one thing we do know is that he did lock the door, so your supposition is self-evidently wrong

But in this unprecedented weather, knowing your wife and sick child are out and expected to return surely you don’t go on autopilot and you do double check so you’re not being absent minded and do not put a chain on the door to prevent entry. At least in my world anyway.

How often? A few times.

But in all honesty and having read your posts I would be furious that he’d left the chain on so you couldn’t get inside with a key during a heatwave. Forgetful or not, interviews or not, I wouldn’t be happy. No one wants to be going under fence panels with limited mobility in this heat either and with a sick child in tow.

Being ditsy/forgetful is a pita.

Really? My DH has locked the door and left the keys in before as if he’s on calls someone could walk in. Drives me mad but I would leap to suggest this

Disagree entirely. His 'absent mindedness' caused OP and a sick child enormous difficulties. He deserved the shouting.

Because it was an absent minded mistake, done on auto pilot. No malice intended. As has been explained ad infinitum by the very patient OP. Ffs

You’re not unreasonable for shouting, no - I would have done the same. Sounds so stressful! My husband does this all the bloody time and says it’s just habit to out the lock on! Honestly makes me furious!

Mind your own!

Actually, you could meet the threshold for lower end of the spectrum. ASD incorporates ADHD behaviours; the list is not exhaustive. I have autism, as do my 2 younger children. We thought my daughter would be diagnosed with ADHD, but she was diagnosed with ASD.

ASD behaviours encompass a wide and varying picture. Your husband is mindless - A lot like my daughter. You are easily angered without routine. It sounds like you have a very good routine you all stick to and very rarely step outside of. If you lost that routine like you did in this sitiation with a lot of extenuating and exacerbating factors; you become overstimulated and meltdown.

On top of that, it sounds like a culmination of things over a period of time - Constant forgetfulness building up over time, you never shout/relieve stress in any healthy way, it was hot, you have a disability, your son is ASD and ill, you had to climb under a fence, all the while your husband is utterly oblivious.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, but do take some time to yourself to decompress - Shopping day alone, cinema, go read a book in a coffee shop, go see some friends and talk to them, talk to your family. Don't forget us women mask a lot more than men do. We mask until we can no longer mask and then we explode. It's OK to set boundaries and learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortable.

You'll be alright. You need to get through the bad times to get to the good times.

Stop sealioning FFS

It's always nice to meet another couple like us!

We also have a chain on our door - when our daughter was 2 she learnt how to pick up the keys, find the front door key, put it in the lock and open it. We absentmindedly check it's on or not every time we go past it so fairly frequently we can find it on when the other person is due home. Or just as annoying the door has been locked with the keys still in it.

We have an internal chain with a switch it's fitted at the top of the door if you are in need of ideas for future products.

Gate is also locked and bolted and all doors locked pretty much at all times.

So nice that men can just focus on their job and forget all responsibilities isn’t it. I would have been keeping an eye on messages etc because mum’s just have to don’t they

Yup !!

I think the well being of his child definitely crossed his mind. If his son is disabled then it’s a safeguarding issue and probably put the chain on on autopilot. As OP says the issue is ignoring her calls and texts telling him what had happened.

No she doesn't. Why lock your wife and sick child out of the house?