AIBU to stay in a hotel for a second night?

Stop using the word ‘help’ reframe it. He’s not helping. You are not the default.

How can he not let you take the kids? If you left while he was out - what could he do?

Hi op I get your annoyed with dh but leaving the kids would piss me off too. People who walk out to cool off is one thing but overnight you need to stand up to this prick tell him if he doesn’t like it there’s the door. Kids become unsettled when parents disappear without explanation if you explained and your dh was available then that’s fine but you need to talk to him tell him he can clean up there is no reason for his attitude he’s a total control freak. Why should you have to go away tell him to fuck off do it himself also I would definitely be doing less to piss him off even more.

I would go straight home to my kids and reassure them that I wasn't leaving them with him, it sounds like the little one is upset. Then I'd pack his bags!

This. I don’t disagree that your H is a dick. But kids don’t understand that. Ordinarily I’d say crack on and enjoy your free time but seeing as your DC have already expressed they’re upset, I think it’s only right you go back for them. Then tell your H to fuck right off.

You need to end this marriage. He is abusive and isn’t going to change. Not letting you sit down in peace ever is abusive.

He sees you as an appliance to be worked to the limit of its capability not a person who is as real and as in need of rest and peace of mind as he is.

Take the kids whilst he’s at work and start divorce proceedings would be my advice. Or if you can’t, when you go back seek legal advice as to how you can get things moving asap.

I wouldn’t just stay away long term my yourself as it would give him grounds to say he’s the primary care and/ or you left the kids.

The kids are upset without her and their dad is a dick. Obviously she’s allowed some autonomy but her kids also shouldn’t have to suffer. Two nights in a hotel isn’t going to magically fix everything.

Yes this, but take the extra night to plan.

No don’t stay another night. Save your money for your solicitor.
go home. Comfort your children. Tell husband you are getting divorced. Go to your solicitor asap.
he’s never going to change. Staying another night at a hotel won’t change that. Save yourself and your children from his abuse.

Ummmmm. He's an arse. Leave him

If you feel like you need another night to get your thoughts and plans together then I would take it. The kids are safe with their father, and while he is a dick I haven't read anything here that would make me concerned for their immediate safety. Yes the youngest may be a little upset, but that in itself is a red flag. My kids always loved a mummy or a daddy night when one or the other of us was out. But then for all my dh's faults he was always an excellent father who loved and cared for the dc.

I agree with pp's too, you really should reconsider this marriage. You deserve so much more.

Stay another night. Especially if the hotel has air conditioning.

Just saying, the children are with their other parent. Also, women are allowed some autonomy even when they have children.

I hate how so many posters start berating women and blocking their autonomy as soon as a child is involved.

You need to go home
He sounds the type to lock you out and say you left , leaving him the main carer of the children

he "wouldn't let you" take the kids?? fuck that!

I can see why you needed to get away, but personally I couldn’t leave my dc. They’d be coming with me and while I was away I’d be telling him to pack his bags. You need to go home and face the music, get rid of this tosser. You won’t relax knowing your kids are upset and probably bearing the brunt of his bad mood.

What will you do when you do go home? Another night won’t change him into a good husband.

Why 'wont he let you' …you are her mother. Go and get her and take her to the hotel?

Its not fair to make her suffer for his behaviour.

Go home and file for divorce. Don't leave your little one confused and upset.

You are a queen!

I was married to one of these.
I think you should go home for the sake of the children and also for your own sake- he sounds the type to lie to them about you.

And then get divorced. He won’t change.

I agree with everything said here.

However, if you do need another night away to get your head straight and make future plans than take it ❤️

I'm sorry op I think you only stay away as long as you absolutely need to in order to shower your head and then you get back to your kids. I see why leaving him to it and hoping he sees your value and has a come to God moment is really tempting but its not good stability for your kids.

The other side to this is that you shouldn't need to do that in order for your husband to see your value. Any man who is that wilfully incompetent with his own family would be an absolute ick for me.

I think you go back if you feel mentally safe to do so and you start getting your ducks in a row to leave. As someone who grew up with a parent who sporadically left it is not a good or sustainable way to deal with these types of issues. He's not going to come to Jesus or have a light bulb moment because he knows exactly what you do, he's intentionally putting you down so you do more and he can put his feet up.

Good on you. If this hasn’t shocked him into reality, not sure what else you can do other than LTB permanently.

What a prince. In your situation I think I would start getting my ducks in a row.