AIBU to feel envious of a friend’s much easier setup?

I know how you feel, on my own battling disability and DS. I'd feel really jealous too. Here's to manifesting hot, helpful, non toxic men! 🙏

Ask her what she looks for in partners and make similar choices.

Oftentimes, our lives are the products of our own poor choices.
Mine certainly is: 2 DC with a deadbeat who already had 4 DC. They rarely see him and he doesn't provide.
That's on me, no-one.
Luckily, I've had the sense not to date anyone since I left 8 years ago.
Maybe it's not a case of she's never had it as 'hard' as you, but that she has made better choices than people like you or me.
I'm a realist and know that my life is how it is because of me. That way, I don't feel jealous of others for their set ups (the only thing I ever tend to envy is really shiny, blonde hair! 😅).

Yeah her set up might be easier, but you can only change your own life. Her life is irrelevant to yours, maybe for your own sanity you should just cut this friendship out of your life if its not good for your mental health.

I would put a different spin on it and say you are actually the lucky one as you don’t need to miss your children 50% of the time. That is priceless.

you also don’t need to manage two men who both have an involvement on your life.

Honestly if women totted up everything a man has done to them or others that are red flags about 80% would never date again. Maybe this is why the global birth rate is declining.
Men need to do better.

Perhaps you could reduce contact if she's annoying you so much?

It's not women's fault that men are terrible human beings (except for one half of their parents), but it IS women's fault that they choose these terrible human beings as fathers to their children - because every woman can freely choose who to procreate with. Why choose the worst ones?

I just don't buy it one bit that genuinely good men go from being wonderful, amazing, perfect partners one day to absolutely horrible, neglectful and useless ones the next day, out of the blue. There are usually signs there that women choose to ignore for one reason or another - and yes, that is a fault in women that should be highlighted. It seems like too many women just don't have any standards at all...which would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that they bring innocent children into their mess.

I live in a £1m house but my friend owns several properties worth around £10m and is set to inherit an insane amount on top of that.

Am I jealous? Absolutely not. I focus on my own situation and appreciate I’m luckier than most people out there.

In years to come you will feel much stronger as a person for having been a single parent. Until then take good care of yourself and give yourself a pat on the back.

She knows how to pick the good ones. Some people have this skill and others really don't, unfortunately. I bet her father way a really good guy.

There will always be people who genuinely have things easier than us and also who have things tougher than us. Sometimes these are the same people at different times. Thats just how life is and it doesn’t mean it’s fair or easy. Focus on what you can control in your own life OP and set your own goals and work towards them. Sometimes these difficult feelings can serve to direct us towards what is really important in our own lives. If you are feeling unsupported maybe focus on building friendships or other relationships.

Several things - she likely had time to meet the new guy because she had this easier set up, as well as being less stressed in general making it feel like a possibility for her. It is really hard solo to feel sexy let alone find time to date, or the inclination when you spend any free time sleeping!

Don't beat yourself up about it. Remember what men are actually like on the whole; while it is nice to have someone to do the heavy jobs, they also demand a lot of effort, especially if they aren't as good as they initially appear.

Is her ex fit? Marry him?

Exactly.

When did he decide to duck out of his responsibilities?

Was it after DC1 or DC2 ?

The thing is, bad luck tends to breed bad luck.

You both split from the father of your children, unfortunately, yours decided to disappear off the face of the planet while hers turned out to be a good father.

As a result, she likely has significantly more free time than you do. Meaning that she got to go out and meet people, while you never got that opportunity. So she got to meet her second good man, while you didn't.

She's not done anything wrong, and neither have you. She's unlucky compared to some, and while you're in a shit position, there will be those out there who have is significantly worse.

It's hard not to compare, but there's really no benefit to it. The only thing anyone can do is just keep swimming, and try to keep your head above water.

Everyone saying 'oh she is just luckier'.. it's not true. People make choices which affect their lives. Surely one of the most important choices you can make is who you share a life with and who you have children with!

There are so many threads here of
women clearly making the wrong choices, people saying ‘dont have a child
with that loser’ so no, it’s not always the men’s faults if there are unhappy children (though of course support should be paid/children should be taken care of by two parents, separate or together). So who knows if you made ‘the right choices’ or not. Also, this ‘everyone suffers in life even the ones who have it all’ is a poor excuse to make oneself feel better for one’s place in life. Whether she suffered or will suffer has absolutely no bearing on how good or bad your life is. She’s either a person you value (frankly I’d ask her how she’s done it given what you write) or one I’d want to move away from, as her happiness makes me seethe inside. Only you know which one you can do.

Comparison is the thief of joy. You sound like you don't even like your friend. I've no time for woe is me. If you dont like things in your life start making changes. Probably best starting with your mind set.

And it doesn’t all come down to luck and good fortune despite what a lot of people prefer to say these days.
Often people are in a good position in life due to hard work, intelligence and good sense. Sometimes people are unlucky through no fault of their own but often they bear responsibility for how their lives have turned out.
I’m sure there is more jealousy about others lives than there used to be as everyone seems to feel entitled to what they want and what others have without having had to work for it.

You can be envious if you want to be but it is a bit pointless.
Maybe she has a positive impact on people, she attracts people, she choose to have children with a man who co parents well. As for the new BF picking up the kids and being hands on, nah, I would never envy this. I think some parents can be very stupid whenever it comes to a new man, trusting them with your children.
Opps just noticed he’s not a new man. If you stop being the jealous type you attract good people.

She’s luckier than you and YANBU to be envious, it’s human nature.

But you are luckier than others. There are plenty of people in the world who would trade places with you in an instant.

Envy is natural but it doesn’t help you so try to let it go.

Comparing yourself and being jealous is only hurting you. YANBU to have feelings, YABU to resent your friend for not having it as tough.

Stop comparing yourself to others it's a fault
You never know what is round the corner for these people .
You have 2 happy healthy children and you are well yourself. That's alot to be thankful for . You have somewhere to live and food that's also worth alot.
These threads are pointless.
Focus on gratitude for what you have

Life is hard. Some have it easier than others. Some times in our lives are easier than others.

A lot of it is pure luck, part of it will be good decisions. It's natural to compare (we all do) but don't dwell on it.