AIBU to feel envious of a friend’s much easier setup?

It's just luck probably, pure and simple. But your luck could change too, right? If you won the lottery tomorrow how would she feel? How would you want her to feel? How would you feel if she came on Mumsnet and made a post about it? So yes YABU but I understand your frustrations. Are you dating? Can you meet someone else that could be supportive for you and your DC?

Life goes through phases of good and poor fortune.

Your issue is that you and your friend are currently misaligned on that front.

But good luck never stays, and neither does constant misfortune. You can only hope that when the tables turn, your friend will be happy for you and not wrapped up in her own envy.

First of all you are doing OK OP.
Lots of wise words have already been said but I’d like to add don’t drop a decent friend for no good reason. So you didn’t choose well first time but that’s done. What did you learn from this you can take forward? Where did your friend meet her guy? IF you would like a new boyfriend does he have any like minded friends?
Either way, what small step, achievable things can you add to your life to enhance it and add joy?
You are human to feel jealousy but use it as a signpost to what you now want to strive towards.

I am happy but it doesn’t mean we can’t demonstrate compassion for someone else who is finding it difficult.

Well, why can’t you be happy for a supposed friend even if you’re struggling yourself?

Comparison is the thief of all joy apparently. You should be happy for her even if you are struggling yourself. I know how you feel as have a friend in a similar situation. Que sera sera I guess.

@bumblebeequeen12 theres no doubt that your situation is tough. Doing it all yourself is not easy.

Why lot look at it this way - no matter what there’s always someone better off than y u and someone worse off than you. All you can do is work with what you have.

And also realise you never truly know what is going on in someone else’s life. You obviously like this woman and enjoy spending time with her. So focus on her good points. Then while you are not with her, focus on the good points in your own life. A gratitude journal can really change how your brain works and make you more positive. Perhaps reach out to gingerbread the single parents charity for support.

Your feelings are natural. But there are probably people out there who envy you too. Perhaps even this friend

We never know everything that’s going on in a persons life though do we? Maybe she’s not really happy in her relationship? There’s a hundred reasons why people aren’t as happy as they may seem even if their lives should be ‘easier’ because of their quality of life or standard of living. This might just be her turn to be happy and your turn to struggle and things will flip around. You could meet an amazing man tomorrow who takes on your kids as his own. She could lose both of her men and be left with no support. Would you be happy then?

Your children's father should be helping you out, and yes YABU. she's obviously got better taste in men.

Envy is the thief of joy. Stop feeling resentful that your friend has a nice life. It's really not going to make your life any better. Those feelings will make it much worse. She is your friend. Be pleased for her not jealous, whist trying to prove your own situation

It is still a thing, but there are way too many men who get away with working cash in hand as self employed. I see it quite often on my social media women shaming the dads after the child maintenance is calculated at a couple of £ even though we can all see that the ex is working. Even putting up posts in their work gear, of jobs done, boating about how many hours they put in and having a well deserved pint.

These same people (like my ex but he got out of paying for a different reason) were very generous while in the relationship, so the women had no reason to think they would do this if they split up.

Then you got the ones like my ex who moved abroad not long after the split. Couldn't have seen that 1 coming. He was very generous in our relationship. Spoilt me, then DD when she come along. Took over all the bills when I went on maternity. A stand up guy. But I had matures more than him, we were young having DD so grew apart. He then met someone with family abroad. Stopped the voluntary payments so I went through CMS. He then quit his job a year later after moaning constantly about what he is paying (probably working cash in hand but i dont know that for certain). A year later he moved abroad with her by her family. Raised her child as his own. Didnt get a penny off him since he quit his job a year previous, but I let him keep up contact. He got bored of that and stopped calling. All the while getting praise for being super dad to step daughter.

There are people now looking down on women with absent fathers to their children, thinking no way would that happen to them if they broke up. They think they have made all so superior choices in life. Well it isn't always that easy to predict

I understand where you are coming from. Life is hard for you.

But life is a long Journey, right now your in the trenches and she is sailing, it can turn in a matter of minutes.

Also all that glitters ain't always gold. We just never know whats going on in anyone's life.

Pause this friendship until you can be happy for her. I have a friend who is jealous of me and I'm really tired of how she can barely hide it! It's not a nice dynamic for a friendship and I have to bite my tongue instead of sharing nice little things about my life. If you're as bitter as you sound, it's unlikely she doesn't know already!

Why should he give maintenance if they have 50:50? Maybe she earns more than him?

sometimes its generally meeting the right person or making sure you have the full profile of the person before getting together etc,

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I could sit here and think @bumblebeequeen12has it so easy, just 2 dc, job, home.

Here I am with my disabled dc, few friends, no job, shifty council house etc. No maintenance. No break ever in the last 7 years. No family support.

Actually I think more like, my dc have done amazingly well considering they went through specialist schools. Now finishing college, did GCSE's, BTecs etc.
The few friends I have are amazing.
I will find another job.
I have a roof over our heads, and im working on the house...

Its all about perspective.

That’s such a low bar - their father should be paying maintenance and half of all big costs. Your anger and energy shouldn’t be directed at her of course. It should be directed at your useless ex.

You won't get any noise from me. Based upon your post, I would be jealous.

what a ridiculous, goady reply. No mention of her friend’s positivity and no suggestion that OP does not like her. Stop the nasty shit stirring

found herself pregnant again

Was it random? An immaculate conception?

The reality is women have far more to lose, that’s just how it is. OP has already said she had one DC with her ex, and then found herself pregnant again just as she was leaving him. After the first DC, she must have had some sense that he wasn’t going to be a great father, and the timing of the second pregnancy doesn’t reflect great judgement.
Women do need to be more selective. On another thread, an OP is asking whether she should ask a man for a second date (they've been on a 1st) after he already declined the first time she asked. She wants to ask again. Most posters have said the ball is in his court, but you’d be shocked how many are telling her to chase him again, even suggesting she give him a list of dates to choose from.
This is an example of the red flags that get ignored. If he’s this much hard work before there are children involved, what on earth is he going to be like once there are?

LOL. Great answer

As others said, you also never know what other people's lives are like. Some people I know project perfection but are actually coping with massive challenges behind closed doors.
Try to build on your own happiness and be happy for hers.

Well, no, she doesn't. She has her partner supporting her and her ex supporting and caring for his children, as he should.

@Singlemumsurvivor I hear you and can tell a similar tale. Everyone thought my DH was amazing until it turned out he REALLY wasn't. It's disappointing to read so many threads blaming a woman for bad choices in men. Surely that's on the men. Sometimes it can take years for people to show their true colours.
OP I am sorry that you're feeling like this. I understand how relentless it can be. However, now mine are grown up, we have such a strong family bond and it was worth every minute.