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Original poster

AIBU to feel shocked my 23-year-old daughter is marrying?

772 replies

SlothsRUs · 24/06/2026 11:29

My 23 year old daughter has just announced that she is getting married next year.

I am completely shocked.

Surely it’s not normal anymore to marry that early.

I tried to be joyous and congratulate her but would you be happy?

I want to know why she wants to marry this young.

I know she is an adult and what she does is nothing to do with me but I am really shocked.

OP posts:
SALaw · 24/06/2026 12:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Well it’s a saying that’s relevant to very very unlikely things which a successful marriage isn’t?

TheSquareMile · 24/06/2026 12:51

Have you met his parents, OP?

This would be a nice moment to invite them for lunch.

Whorulestheroost1 · 24/06/2026 12:50

Dd chap is set to inherit circa 2 million when his Grandparents die (acres of prime land in a fab part of the country), I wonder if he will have a sat down and told to plan ahead?!

Lomonald · 24/06/2026 12:50

SlothsRUs · 24/06/2026 12:48

Differentforgirls

Obviously I don’t advocate saying that now but my obsession with money could be translated as I don’t want my daughters to lose inheritance or become homeless!

Why would she lose her money or become homeless?

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 24/06/2026 12:49

I got married at just-turned-20 around 15 years ago. My DH and I then finished our degrees, got good jobs (I’m a senior leader in a global professional services firm, he’s in tech), we have 3 DCs, and we are very happy.

I often feel overwhelming relief that I found my DH when I did and that we were willing to commit to each other. I see so many colleagues struggle to balance work and dating, and not getting married or starting a family until much later than they want. My best friend didn’t get married until 37, desperately wants to start a family, now is on her second failed round of IVF, and it’s heartbreaking.

23 is not a child. If you like the guy your DD has chosen, I think you can be happy for her without reservations.

SALaw · 24/06/2026 12:49

BruFord · 24/06/2026 12:44

@SALaw Why is it a terrible idea? As I've mentioned, I've discussed the legal ramifications of marriage with my DD (21) and she has no intention of getting married yet. I'll do the same with DS (17) at some point. Better to be aware than ignorant.

Surely parents talk to their young adult children about all sorts of life skills - from how to pay bills, manage credit cards, understand a tenancy contract, etc., etc.?
I think it's part of parenting tbh.

Edited
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Discussing it as a sort of educational piece when they are younger is fine but that’s not what the OP is proposing. It is none of her business.

Gymnopedie · 24/06/2026 12:49

Chronological age is irrelevant. Young people get married, some will be together for decades very happily, some will divorce. People who get married later, some will have decades of happy marriage, some will get divorced.

If the relationship is good they will mature together.

Original poster
SlothsRUs · 24/06/2026 12:49

AlcoholicAntibiotic

Yes but it’s my duty to make sure.

OP posts:
Dastardly2026 · 24/06/2026 12:49

This reply has been deleted

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LondonLass2026 · 24/06/2026 12:49

How well do you know her fiancé? Are there any problems you have with him? What don't you like about it?

CotswoldsCamilla · 24/06/2026 12:48

I don't know anyone who got married before 30 or had a baby before 30 either.

But it depends, if you left school at 16 and went straight into a job maybe it's more normal.

But if you've done a gap year, gone to university, graduate role at 22 and are now forging ahead in a career, it's would be very unusual.

So I too would feel disappointed in the second scenario.

For a parent in the first scenario, they might actually be happy about her getting married, she may well have more financial stability..

Waitingfordoggo · 24/06/2026 12:48

Preppyprepper · 24/06/2026 12:01

I'm suprised at this. What are you disappointed by?

I would be so disappointed and ashamed if my 23 year old was living with me without a job or serious relationship and acting like a teenager, I would think I had really failed as a parent

Show quote history

Why do you think those are the only two options? 😂

Why would you be ashamed if your 23 year-old wasn’t in a serious relationship? Seems pretty harsh. Not everyone wants to be coupled up. An increasing number of young people (women especially) are choosing to stay single long-term.

Original poster
SlothsRUs · 24/06/2026 12:48

Differentforgirls

Obviously I don’t advocate saying that now but my obsession with money could be translated as I don’t want my daughters to lose inheritance or become homeless!

OP posts:
Dastardly2026 · 24/06/2026 12:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SwatTheTwit · 24/06/2026 12:47

I think it’s perfectly normal to be shocked, but in the area where I live it seems to be really common - and what’s more, across the financial spectrum.

Whorulestheroost1 · 24/06/2026 12:47

My DD and her BF are getting engaged soon aged 22 - I am thrilled for them they’ve been together 3.5 years and have a wonderful relationship. Be happy for her OP

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 24/06/2026 12:47

I have encouraged my daughters to be educated and independent but I have never ever, gone into the nitty gritty of the law around marriage. I think she needs to know this .

If she’s educated and independent she may well know this already, particularly if her fiancé is from a wealthy background.

You can’t assume that you are the only way she could possibly acquire knowledge.

Shortbreadel · 24/06/2026 12:46

I was married at 24. Still happily married 10 years on.

Are you not happy for her?

lanzinis · 24/06/2026 12:46

Boreded · 24/06/2026 11:37

Another 23 year old here, we had been together for 6 years…should I have waited?

We hit 16 years of marriage in the summer, we are settled, mortgage almost gone, child is 18. When I look at friends struggling through the world of dating or having children older I definitely feel grateful to have done it early.

Same, definitely great if you can share living expenses with someone from early on!

I do look back and think I was pretty young to be committing for life.... but also never ever regretted it!

Spacestory · 24/06/2026 12:45

This really isn’t unreasonable! Been together 2.5 years! No problem.

im 38 and got married at 23. Still together.

Scaryspicer · 24/06/2026 12:45

I was 23 when I got married, I was one of the youngest of my friends but it’s not like it’s 16/18. We’ve been married for 6 years so far.

Member984815 · 24/06/2026 12:45

DopamineDeficient · 24/06/2026 11:33

I was married with two kids at 24, she is a grown adult.

Same and I still am married 20 years on been together 26 , when you know you know.

Original poster
SlothsRUs · 24/06/2026 12:45

@ MyMilchick say this guy (who is lovely by the way) had family money tied up in trusts etc. I am naive about such things but if they were to divorce would she be disadvantaged?

If she used her inheritance to buy a house with him, could she lose out if they were to divorce.

I have encouraged my daughters to be educated and independent but I have never ever, gone into the nitty gritty of the law around marriage. I think she needs to know this .

Obviously I am not going to do that now in the throes of joy and anticipation for the future.

OP posts:
AutumnAllTheWay · 24/06/2026 12:45

Floppyearedlab · 24/06/2026 11:33

Is she expecting you to pay for it?

If she has the funds and is doing it within her means, crack on.
Has she been with boyfriend a long time? Do they work?

What a mental answer to the op's question!

Is it marrying under an arbitrary age you object to? Or contributing to your children's weddings in general?

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 12:44

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 24/06/2026 12:43

FFS, calm down. It’s not as if she’s 16. Yeah, it might be a bit earlier than average, but it’s her choice and if she’s happy, then it’s nothing to do with you.

Will she get divorced? Maybe, but the same can be said for someone in their 40s getting married for the first time - there are no guarantees in life.

Why are you shocked? Has she known her partner for less than a month? Otherwise you’re being mental and weird.

Imagine it. All chuffed and happy. "Mum, we're getting married!". Mum "but what if you get divorced - think of the money!".

I will never understand some people on here and their complete obsession with money.

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