Page 2 | AIBU to find it odd I’ve never met my friend’s partner?

Skybluepinky · 24/06/2026 15:01

Why do you need to meet them?

CinnamonBuns67 · 24/06/2026 15:00

I wouldn't think it strange, me and one of my friends didn't meet each others husbandsnuntil nearly 4 years into the friendship. Even then it wasn't a planned meet it was more we bumped into each other one day.

ToadRage · 24/06/2026 14:54

Not meeting friends is a big red flag to me. I never met a single one if my exes friends though he met all of mine. Introducing me to his friends was one of the first things my husband did.

Original poster

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 14:51

Athwart · 24/06/2026 13:32

Oh, it's a relief to hear it! I thought I was pissing on some cherished tradition! It just never occurred to me that anyone would have the remotest interest in a completely standard 1970s house that many of the people expressing bafflement that I wasn't 'giving them the tour' also lived in. (Also, I'd known them for a couple of months at this point.) We knew we wouldn't be staying more than a few years so while we repainted, laid new flooriing and made it comfortable with bookshelves etc, we hadn't done anything radical.

I had no idea someone would be interested in our bathroom tiles. Or that two people would claim to be dying to go to the loo simultaneously so that one could get a peep at upstairs by saying she couldn't wait for the other to be finished in the downstairs loo!

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But it’s not just about your 1970 red brick, it’s a tradition and marking of a new chapter for you. I personally like it. Fair enough if you don’t.

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SilverPink · 24/06/2026 14:44

Athwart · 24/06/2026 13:32

Oh, it's a relief to hear it! I thought I was pissing on some cherished tradition! It just never occurred to me that anyone would have the remotest interest in a completely standard 1970s house that many of the people expressing bafflement that I wasn't 'giving them the tour' also lived in. (Also, I'd known them for a couple of months at this point.) We knew we wouldn't be staying more than a few years so while we repainted, laid new flooriing and made it comfortable with bookshelves etc, we hadn't done anything radical.

I had no idea someone would be interested in our bathroom tiles. Or that two people would claim to be dying to go to the loo simultaneously so that one could get a peep at upstairs by saying she couldn't wait for the other to be finished in the downstairs loo!

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Looks like we’re the only ones 😆 unless you’ve moved into something unusual like a castle, your house looks just the same as everyone else’s, trust me 😆 It’s definitely more a thing today than 25/30 years ago. I have a friend who moves every 3 or 4 years and invites us round and each house looks exactly like the last one they bought 🤣

Original poster

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 14:13

PenandPip · 24/06/2026 13:56

@MintChocCat

I haven't met my best / oldest friends partner and they are together nearly three years. We are friends 40 years. We live 3km from each other and I meet her once a week for breakfast and go for walks when we both have time.

I have met her previous partners but not this one. There have been some half hearted attempts on both sides to meet up but hasn't happened yet.

Thank you for sharing. I have found this thread eye opening 😊 it was just something I wondered. Growing up, my parents would often socialise with their friends and their partners so that’s been very normalised to me.

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PenandPip · 24/06/2026 13:56

@MintChocCat

I haven't met my best / oldest friends partner and they are together nearly three years. We are friends 40 years. We live 3km from each other and I meet her once a week for breakfast and go for walks when we both have time.

I have met her previous partners but not this one. There have been some half hearted attempts on both sides to meet up but hasn't happened yet.

Howdymostgratefil · 24/06/2026 13:47

I have friends who haven't met my partner of nearly 20 years, it just isn't a priority. I am my own person and my friendship is with them so I have never gone out of my way to introduce them. Obviously if there is an event like a wedding, birthday etc then they might meet him but otherwise no.
I aso couldn't care less about meeting a friend's partner unless the friend was keen.

Athwart · 24/06/2026 13:33

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 10:52

Well I don’t really want to invite her atm as I feel it might be a bit much to expect her to travel to me while she’s preg 😊

She's pregnant, not seriously ill! I commuted between countries weekly until I was 36 weeks and couldn't fly any more!

Athwart · 24/06/2026 13:32

SilverPink · 24/06/2026 10:57

I’m British and I think the house tour thing is weird! We don’t invite people round every time we buy a new tv/oven/bookcase/car. And yet we move house and suddenly invite round all and sundry to admire it 😆 I find it a little pretentious unless they’re people who would regularly be visiting anyway. Maybe that’s just me though.

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Oh, it's a relief to hear it! I thought I was pissing on some cherished tradition! It just never occurred to me that anyone would have the remotest interest in a completely standard 1970s house that many of the people expressing bafflement that I wasn't 'giving them the tour' also lived in. (Also, I'd known them for a couple of months at this point.) We knew we wouldn't be staying more than a few years so while we repainted, laid new flooriing and made it comfortable with bookshelves etc, we hadn't done anything radical.

I had no idea someone would be interested in our bathroom tiles. Or that two people would claim to be dying to go to the loo simultaneously so that one could get a peep at upstairs by saying she couldn't wait for the other to be finished in the downstairs loo!

FreyaW · 24/06/2026 13:23

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 07:57

Do you think it’s strange that I haven’t met my friend’s partner?

Context - been friends with this person for 6 years, would consider them close, met through work, been away on holiday with them etc. They met their new partner a year and a half ago and moved in together after 6 months. About 4 months ago they moved again into a house and she told me she’s pregnant.

I’m obvs happy for her even though I think it’s a bit soon, but what I’m finding stranger is I have never even met her partner. We’ve never been introduced. Do you find that weird too, or am I overthinking? Thanks

Not strange at all.
They are different relationships.
She has her relationship with him..and a different one with you.

mindutopia · 24/06/2026 13:00

I can’t think of any work friends whose partners I’ve met, except one who once hosted our work Christmas do at her house (she has a big house and lives nearby). I met her partner then, but that was the only time.

Original poster

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 12:50

Morrisdancer24 · 24/06/2026 12:48

Absolutely rubbish. There are such things as phones, video calls etc etc. 2 hours away is nothing.

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Exactly

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Morrisdancer24 · 24/06/2026 12:48

Larrythecatforpm · 24/06/2026 08:55

if shes moved 2 hours away, it’s unlikely your going to remain good close friends your being unreasonable.

Absolutely rubbish. There are such things as phones, video calls etc etc. 2 hours away is nothing.

Morrisdancer24 · 24/06/2026 12:46

I don't think it's strange. I like to keep friends and relationships separate sometimes.

Original poster

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 10:58

SilverPink · 24/06/2026 10:57

I’m British and I think the house tour thing is weird! We don’t invite people round every time we buy a new tv/oven/bookcase/car. And yet we move house and suddenly invite round all and sundry to admire it 😆 I find it a little pretentious unless they’re people who would regularly be visiting anyway. Maybe that’s just me though.

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Moving house is obv vastly different to buying a new oven, come on now.

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DaisyChain505 · 24/06/2026 10:58

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 10:52

Well I don’t really want to invite her atm as I feel it might be a bit much to expect her to travel to me while she’s preg 😊

Maybe send a message saying you’d love to catch up soon and ask what would work better for her. You going to her, her coming to you or meeting up somewhere half way. Then you could always ask if she just wants it to be the two of you or if she’d like partners to come along.

SilverPink · 24/06/2026 10:57

Athwart · 24/06/2026 09:15

Well, say you’d love to see her new place and meet the guy? I think some of this is cultural. I’m not originally from the UK and when I moved to a particular place, I was very puzzled by expectations of the ‘house tour’, as it was a deeply ordinary 1970s red brick.

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I’m British and I think the house tour thing is weird! We don’t invite people round every time we buy a new tv/oven/bookcase/car. And yet we move house and suddenly invite round all and sundry to admire it 😆 I find it a little pretentious unless they’re people who would regularly be visiting anyway. Maybe that’s just me though.

Original poster

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 10:52

Well I don’t really want to invite her atm as I feel it might be a bit much to expect her to travel to me while she’s preg 😊

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nomas · 24/06/2026 10:51

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 08:14

The trouble is they live 2h away so it’s not a pop round for dinner situation. Also she is the one who moved further away, so I was half expecting a bit of an invite to check out her new place?? I don’t want to have to invite myself over, that feels a bit imposing to me.

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When’s the last time you invited her around? Why don’t you invite her and her partner to yours for dinner?

Original poster

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 10:49

DaisyChain505 · 24/06/2026 10:47

Someone people just aren’t natural hosts or don’t want to do it.

I absolutely hate having people in my home. I hate the feeling of thinking everything needs to be sparkling clean, I hate worrying that I haven’t offered them enough drinks or food and I hate the pressure of keeping them entertained and everything being on me.

If you live two hours apart it’s not odd that you haven’t met her partner. I’m not one for couples socialising. My friends are my friends, my husbands friends are his. I don’t really have any interest in forced interactions with people I otherwise wouldn’t be around.

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Thanks for this perspective, I totally get it!

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DaisyChain505 · 24/06/2026 10:47

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 09:01

when I moved, I threw a little house gathering - and she and others came along. I wouldn’t mind it at all 🙂

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Someone people just aren’t natural hosts or don’t want to do it.

I absolutely hate having people in my home. I hate the feeling of thinking everything needs to be sparkling clean, I hate worrying that I haven’t offered them enough drinks or food and I hate the pressure of keeping them entertained and everything being on me.

If you live two hours apart it’s not odd that you haven’t met her partner. I’m not one for couples socialising. My friends are my friends, my husbands friends are his. I don’t really have any interest in forced interactions with people I otherwise wouldn’t be around.

CoolGreenBee · 24/06/2026 10:46

Not at all odd.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 24/06/2026 10:45

I think it’s weird when people expect to come and see your new house.

BauhausOfEliott · 24/06/2026 10:43

MintChocCat · 24/06/2026 09:01

when I moved, I threw a little house gathering - and she and others came along. I wouldn’t mind it at all 🙂

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Well, so what?

Just because you wanted to do that, it doesn't mean everyone else has to.

You seem to have some notion that there are friendship rules that everyone has to follow, just because you do. There aren't. She doesn't want a housewarming and she doesn't feel the need to introduce you to her partner. That isn't weird at all.