AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

I can’t actually believe some of the comments on here…..especially the ones calling OP a drama queen etc. This man has deliberately taken a picture of his dick and sent it to his partners best friend, with a message saying he wants her…. Not only is it sleazy, it shows a total lack of respect for his partner, and for OP. Not exactly champagne and flowers is it…..
And if he’s old enough to be able to take such a disgusting picture, he’s old enough to accept the consequences. I hope your friend ditches him, and you go to the police and report the dirty bastard….

Oh no, meant to click on YANBU but think I clicked the wrong one, sorry!

Horrible for you, and obviously appalling for his partner. I think you have handled is as well as possible. Some of the responses on here 🙄

I’d go further that some blokes actually want to frighten, shock or humiliate women. Some men enjoy feeling powerful and her feeling uncomfortable. I had this bloke I knew for years actually punch me fairly hard in the arm. Why would he do that if not to make me feel more vulnerable and him more powerful. I said what the fuck are you doing and just moved away from him. It’s not my job to teach him how to behave. But I’m not putting up with that kind of shit any longer and nor should anyone else.

I understand you are getting at but it would not be a good look for OP if she communicated with him to jeer at him that he has a tiny dick and then reported his offence to the police. It would make it look - to the police - like OP and friend's H have a relationship of some sort, it would completely muddy the waters and it might mean the police don't take it seriously.

Also, with regard to "We're not dealing with someone rational here". That sounds very much like "he must have taken temporary leave of his senses, the poor man, once he sobers up he'll be back to being a solid rational bloke."

This is an excuse that lets this man off the hook for feeling entitled to sexually harass a woman in her own home. Women are increasingly refusing to accept such excuses because this kind of intrusive aggressive shit behaviour is an epidemic that causes women to feel unsafe in the street, at work, in gyms, and in their OWN HOME. This man is as rational as all the millions of other men who send unsolicited dick pics to women. These men do it because it pleases them and up until now, the vast majority of them have gotten away with it. They don't care about the women who they send the pic to, they don't care that she could feel shocked, assaulted, and threatened by it. They also don't care if she tells them they've upset her - most laugh, feel validated, and are even turned on by the attention. Men like this don't see women as humans, they are just passive objects and receptacles of their lust.

This kind of mentality needs to end, and it starts with not excusing the behaviour of these men.

I’m so sorry you’ve had apologists for this kind of thing. Being drunk is no excuse for any kind of unrequited approach of a sexual nature. I’ve managed not to send my friends’ partners pictures of my tits or my vulva despite being drunk as all hell. You’ve made it abundantly clear you’re not interested by grey rocking his attempts at contacting you. No normal person could be confused at this at all.

How is it different from indecent exposure. Yuck!

You are a very good friend and person and you’ve done the right thing to risk your friendship for your friend’s sake. That takes a lot of guts and self sacrifice (because we all know some women blame the messenger and some men take revenge by isolating her from her friends for her temerity for having boundaries).

Well bloody said OP.

There is a minority of posters on mumsnet that need to check their internalised misogyny and their enablement of men behaving like dangerous, perverted little runts.

And i agree with YOU.

I read years ago that flashers escalate and that is why they should be taken very seriously.

I have two wonderful sons and a good husband.
I know so many kind decent men.

However, the older i get, the more awful stories i read, the more revolted i am by the sheer volume of horrible stories of revolting men.

Its very sad.

I would be informing the police as it is a criminal offence.
This is not just him cheating on her, it is designed to provoke and humiliate you. It's saying that he thinks he can do this to you as well as her. That he thinks he's untouchable. How disgusting.

I 100% agree with you @Anyusernamewilldo8963

I'm sick of male criminal behaviour being downplayed because 'he was probably drunk', 'that's what guys do', 'boys will be boys'.

How about MEN "thinking of the aftermath"? before they do something criminal/gross/disgusting/upsetting?

I agree @Pinkdayss. A few years ago there was an occasional flasher in our small rural village. It would get reported on the community FB page, usually followed by comments like "Binnsy on the pull again!", "Was that you Joe, you perv" with multiple laughter emojis and similar jokey remarks. Even when it was schoolgirls on the way home from school getting flashed. More recently, a girl was seriously assaulted when the flasher (the same one) "graduated" from just looking and flashing to getting physically hands-on in a secluded bit of footpath.

Minimising it and laughing or dismissing these things can, in some (not all) cases embolden the flasher/dick-pic sender, imply a growing sense of "it's not that bad", and edge them slowly towards a point where mere flashing is no longer sufficient to satisfy their "needs".

By telling your friend, you have enabled her to make choices about her relationship with her (so-called!) partner.

"He/She was drunk" does not diminish the impact on the target of their behaviour.

My husband has my two best friend´s phone numbers. We have socialised together. It´s not in any way "odd".

There are plenty of posters on this thread and elsewhere on MN who are roundly condemning this sort of behaviour, @Pinkdayss.

OP, yanbu to be appalled.

MN posters always excuse the vilest of behaviour by men, a huge feature of this site....🙄. Hard to believe they are female posters at times, such is their commitment to bending themselves out of shape to excuse the very worst behaviour.

The arrogance of some men is truly revolting.
I am delighted that women now report this crime and I have spoken to my daughters on this very subject as teens.
It is a crime.
Funnily enough a 4 years ago an incident was reported by a 15 year old whose parents saw it on her phone, sent by a peer from a nearby boys school.

His parents were beside themselves when the police called to their house and cautioned him. They were both appalled, furious and mortified.

It was all a funny prank, not.
Obviously it went around the two schools they attend, single sex secondaries.

I haven't heard of anything since, as I think for that large circle that all know each other, the embarrassment and pure mortification, and no doubt fury of their parents, would have put much needed manners on them.

Two other boys the same year grabbed another boys phone and said some highly sexually things about his good looking mother for a joke while in school.
They mistakenly sent it to his family WhatsApp group.
There was absolute murder as a result.
Again reported to the police.
It went to elderly family members.

It was in May and the boys were permitted to do their exams in a separate area and were advised to find another place for September.
Both their families were devastated, as were the boys.

The school sent out a scorched earth email setting out their expectations and that any boy who brought the schools name into disrepute, by association, would be removed.

That was 4 years ago when my boys were still there.....not a single incident since.

I think strong public consequences for some men would dramatically reduce this.

MN is full of users who act like cheating is just an everyday occurrence that should be shrugged off.

Good on you for being a good friend and calling out bad behaviour.

Just as an aside has anyone ever received a dick pic and thought "ooh lovely you sexy beast!"?

Men could have moron tattooed on their forehead and still have women throw themselves at them

You were right to tell your friend, she needed to know. I’d consider reporting to the police. It would be uncommon for this to be an isolated incident.

It's not "drip feeding" for events to have moved on!

It certainly wouldn't be funny if some of these apologists found that their teenage daughters (or sons) were receiving the pictures. The football/drunk excuse doesn't cut it.

What am I reading? He has committed a crime, of course he should be reported to the police if that’s what the victim wants to do. Football seems to have a lot to answer for, not only does England playing football increase incidences of domestic violence it also apparently makes you behave like a sexual predator!

Your attitude is very victim blaming. OP shouldn’t have to carry this like a dirty secret.