Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

460 replies

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 24/06/2026 05:10

Just woken up to find my best mates partner has sent me a dick pic with a message saying he wants me 🤢🤮 I have to tell her don't I

OP posts:
KeyWorker · 24/06/2026 14:26

Speakeasier · 24/06/2026 13:30

It’s nothing to do with football although some men may use that as an excuse. It’s about entitlement and lack of emotional maturity and regulation.

I’m a football fan and I have two sons who are football fans and they would never, ever do this. I know lots of non sporting fans who would be abusive to their wives and would use other excuses: I’m depressed, stressed at work, need validation for lack of confidence, haven’t had many relationships, she made me do it, she doesn’t earn enough, she earns too much. It’s all bullshit and we should stop blaming external factors. It’s a him issue for which he should be accountable.

I know. The post I replied to said he’d probably had a few beers watching football.

hihelenhi · 24/06/2026 14:22

Ladybyrd · 24/06/2026 14:15

What a dickhead. Tell her.

She has already. She updated later in the thread.

hihelenhi · 24/06/2026 14:21

LondonLass2026 · 24/06/2026 13:39

"he's never been flirty with me".

How is that an update? It's an existing piece of information. Do you understand the term "existing"? As in, info which was already in existence, not something which later transpired.

Gosh, you live up to your username.

What a very silly post. The OP gave an UPDATE that she'd told her friend. Which was what the post you were responding to was about.

It isn't a drip feed. You then claimed to do so was lazy. You clearly don't understand what 'drip feed' means and now you're backtracking. And insulting and calling people names because you don't understand basics.

Oh, and what you're posting here isn't a "drip feed either" it's just information. Not "extra information it would've been useful to know in the first place." Grow up. You still don't understand what the term means, go and look it up, ffs.

MickyMoonshine · 24/06/2026 14:20

You 100% did the right thing.
I’m genuinely shocked at those excusing his behaviour. What else should we be excusing due to alcohol?

Ladybyrd · 24/06/2026 14:15

What a dickhead. Tell her.

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 14:14

justasking111 · 24/06/2026 14:13

Why do men think a picture of their private parts is alluring. Truly curious?

I have no idea. They are like a huge worm.

justasking111 · 24/06/2026 14:13

Why do men think a picture of their private parts is alluring. Truly curious?

Ablondiebutagoody · 24/06/2026 14:10

Pistachiocake · 24/06/2026 13:57

If you've answered this elsewhere sorry, but is there a chance he sent it you by mistake?
Like in his phone Kate's friend is right next to Kate? And even so, he needs to be told to be more careful.

Jesus Christ. Presumably old school public flashers should just be told to take care when fastening their clothing so that their dick doesnt accidently slip out?

hourspassed · 24/06/2026 14:07

OP I totally support what you are saying - am also horrified by some of these responses.

Don't report a disgusting criminal act because he was probably drunk and it will cause a big fuss? Bloody hell - have we learnt nothing?

SalmonAndHorseradish · 24/06/2026 14:06

Blodyneighbour · 24/06/2026 09:08

I think Reporting to the police is just daft. He will be mortified when he wakes up. He was probably drunk after watching the football. Do you really want to go that far. I think you will lose your friend and embarrass the kids. As they will find out somehow.
I would just message him back saying how disgusting he is and Never to do it again. I think friend will also turn on you if you make such a bug deal of it.
Yes its gross that men do this. Totally out of order. But think about the aftermath.

Ugh. The bar for men is so low it's a tavern in Hades.

Glitchymn1 · 24/06/2026 14:04

CallItLoneliness · 24/06/2026 05:54

If you want to preserve the friendship, you could give your friend the face saving option of "this might have been a mistake but...". You know it isn't, he knows it isn't, and she will know it wasn't, but it might make it easier on her.

^ this

FaceIt · 24/06/2026 14:02

There’s no shadow of a doubt you did the right thing.

Hopefully this will be the final straw for your friend and she rids herself of the cheap scumbag 🤮

Differentforgirls · 24/06/2026 14:00

Pistachiocake · 24/06/2026 13:57

If you've answered this elsewhere sorry, but is there a chance he sent it you by mistake?
Like in his phone Kate's friend is right next to Kate? And even so, he needs to be told to be more careful.

No, he needs to be told that women don't want to see his willie. It's not as if they are aesthetically pleasing.

GreenCandleWax · 24/06/2026 14:00

Speakeasier · 24/06/2026 13:24

I’d go further that some blokes actually want to frighten, shock or humiliate women. Some men enjoy feeling powerful and her feeling uncomfortable. I had this bloke I knew for years actually punch me fairly hard in the arm. Why would he do that if not to make me feel more vulnerable and him more powerful. I said what the fuck are you doing and just moved away from him. It’s not my job to teach him how to behave. But I’m not putting up with that kind of shit any longer and nor should anyone else.

Apparently flashers do it to get an upset, shocked, humiliated response. So this is no different - its flashing in the victim's own home, which is even more nasty and intrusive on her wellbeing. I am glad this is now an offence, particularly as actual flashers tend to escalate in the seriousness of their crimes, and perhaps these pathetic morons do too.

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 24/06/2026 13:57

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 24/06/2026 13:04

I 100% agree with you @Anyusernamewilldo8963

I'm sick of male criminal behaviour being downplayed because 'he was probably drunk', 'that's what guys do', 'boys will be boys'.

How about MEN "thinking of the aftermath"? before they do something criminal/gross/disgusting/upsetting?

This!

Women being told to think about the aftermath - MEN should be thinking of the fucking aftermath, or better yet - there should BE no fucking aftermath! 🤬😡🤬

ChrisTheBastard · 24/06/2026 13:57

Pistachiocake · 24/06/2026 13:57

If you've answered this elsewhere sorry, but is there a chance he sent it you by mistake?
Like in his phone Kate's friend is right next to Kate? And even so, he needs to be told to be more careful.

Come off it

Pistachiocake · 24/06/2026 13:57

If you've answered this elsewhere sorry, but is there a chance he sent it you by mistake?
Like in his phone Kate's friend is right next to Kate? And even so, he needs to be told to be more careful.

ChrisTheBastard · 24/06/2026 13:56

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 24/06/2026 13:19

I understand you are getting at but it would not be a good look for OP if she communicated with him to jeer at him that he has a tiny dick and then reported his offence to the police. It would make it look - to the police - like OP and friend's H have a relationship of some sort, it would completely muddy the waters and it might mean the police don't take it seriously.

Also, with regard to "We're not dealing with someone rational here". That sounds very much like "he must have taken temporary leave of his senses, the poor man, once he sobers up he'll be back to being a solid rational bloke."

This is an excuse that lets this man off the hook for feeling entitled to sexually harass a woman in her own home. Women are increasingly refusing to accept such excuses because this kind of intrusive aggressive shit behaviour is an epidemic that causes women to feel unsafe in the street, at work, in gyms, and in their OWN HOME. This man is as rational as all the millions of other men who send unsolicited dick pics to women. These men do it because it pleases them and up until now, the vast majority of them have gotten away with it. They don't care about the women who they send the pic to, they don't care that she could feel shocked, assaulted, and threatened by it. They also don't care if she tells them they've upset her - most laugh, feel validated, and are even turned on by the attention. Men like this don't see women as humans, they are just passive objects and receptacles of their lust.

This kind of mentality needs to end, and it starts with not excusing the behaviour of these men.

I was looking at this way too shallowly (there must be a better word to use that than but it's hot and I CBA to get the thesaurus out).

I came to this with the view that the guy's behaviour was disgusting, and with the phrase "Men are worried that women will laugh at them. Women are worried that men will kill them" in my head" so didn't feel comfortable with the idea of a PP saying there was no need to laugh at him (it felt almost like he was being protected, but this may have been the way I read it). While laughing may temporarily make him feel like a bellend, it's so true that this sense of power and using it to make women feel uncomfortable is what a lot of guys get off from.

I've learned a huge amount from MN about women's lived experiences, of which I was simply not aware, mainly because boys simply aren't conditioned / taught to do so (spoiler: the Chris in my username isn't short for Christine). and this is one reason I'm glad to be here.

Thanks for the well-written and considered post I'm not always going to get things right (in the same way I suppose that there are aspects of being a man that some women may not instinctively realise) but do, and will continue to, try

Bromptotoo · 24/06/2026 13:53

When did this dick pic thing become the sort of thing people can even begin to think is 'normal'.

TheToteBagLady · 24/06/2026 13:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LondonLass2026 · 24/06/2026 13:39

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 13:28

Do you understand the difference between drip feeding and updating ?
OP has given updates not drip fed.

"he's never been flirty with me".

How is that an update? It's an existing piece of information. Do you understand the term "existing"? As in, info which was already in existence, not something which later transpired.

Gosh, you live up to your username.

Starfish1021 · 24/06/2026 13:32

Gosh well done for handling this so well. I can't believe the posters minimising this behaviour. It's just so fecking depressing. I hope your friend finds the courage to leave this dreadful and abusive man.

Speakeasier · 24/06/2026 13:30

KeyWorker · 24/06/2026 12:42

What am I reading? He has committed a crime, of course he should be reported to the police if that’s what the victim wants to do. Football seems to have a lot to answer for, not only does England playing football increase incidences of domestic violence it also apparently makes you behave like a sexual predator!

Your attitude is very victim blaming. OP shouldn’t have to carry this like a dirty secret.

It’s nothing to do with football although some men may use that as an excuse. It’s about entitlement and lack of emotional maturity and regulation.

I’m a football fan and I have two sons who are football fans and they would never, ever do this. I know lots of non sporting fans who would be abusive to their wives and would use other excuses: I’m depressed, stressed at work, need validation for lack of confidence, haven’t had many relationships, she made me do it, she doesn’t earn enough, she earns too much. It’s all bullshit and we should stop blaming external factors. It’s a him issue for which he should be accountable.

Boreded · 24/06/2026 13:29

fictitiousfoibles · 24/06/2026 13:27

Oh no, meant to click on YANBU but think I clicked the wrong one, sorry!

Horrible for you, and obviously appalling for his partner. I think you have handled is as well as possible. Some of the responses on here 🙄

You can change your vote, just click on the one you wanted

grumpygrape · 24/06/2026 13:28

LondonLass2026 · 24/06/2026 11:34

Yes but drip feeding is incredibly annoying and lazy. I know you can filter by "all posts by op" but it's still frustrating.

Do you understand the difference between drip feeding and updating ?
OP has given updates not drip fed.

Swipe left for the next trending thread