AIBU to tell my friend her partner sent me an explicit photo

Two words. Wayne Couzens. For all you "think of the aftermath" and he "was drunk" enablers.

To those saying let it be, would you think differently if this wasn't a one off? If every time this person had a drink he sent dic pics to a dozen women?

I do wonder if the reason he didn't put your name in the message was because it was a copy/paste and it was sent to others also? Or he wasn't sending it to you in particular he scrolled down the list of names and went oh maybe I'll send it to her today?

Where is the line between "drunk cheeky chappy" sending out an dic pic and sexual predator who is a prolific dick-pic sender?

If every woman that was sent one did nothing and said nothing they will never know if it was a one off to be ignored and not made a deal of or if they were one of many and they are harassing all the women he knows?

Re the embarrassment, is he embarrassed that he sent the picture or is he embarrassed that he misjudged who to send it to and sent it to someone that was willing to call him out?

Just to stress

1. it's a criminal offence
2. he doesn't have the OPs telephone number. Instead he tracked down her social media account and sent a message. He can't have been that drunk to be able to manage this
3. the OP is upset by the picture.

It's completely appropriate as a response. It's exactly what the law was written for.

I really hope @babyproblems isn't suggesting that the OP somehow 'asked' for this dick pic - the 'she asked for it' defence!!

People are different? Have different ways of doing things? I have my husband’s best mate contact details for when they go climbing together. I have another mate as he does some gardening stuff for us sometimes. So what?

If you’re snidely trying to imply OP is wrong to have contact with anyone’s husband in any way on social media, that’s horrible.

What kind of “back story”?

Either way it's still a criminal offence.

Excellent! One less weirdo doing this. Well done!

In fairness, I do think it isn't easy to escape one's conditioning, @hypnovic - but the more times people hear the truth, the more people will learn, and escape the conditioning, I hope.

Shame must change sides

In the UK, sending an unsolicited photograph or film of genitals to someone without their consent is a specific criminal offense known as cyberflashing under the Online Safety Act 2023. It carries a penalty of up to two years in prison.

But by all means send them. See you in court.

Yet more mysogonist women who excuse sexual assaults and inappropriate behaviour like this. You lot or equally responsible for rape culture as the vile men. Try looking at your conditioning a little closer

Sadly I think some people DO excuse all sorts of predatory and abusive behaviour by saying 'he was just drunk' or 'it was just messing around', @ERthree. I am not saying that @Blodyneighbour thinks this way, but a depressing amount of people do. Or there's the lovely line about 'he was only young/he's got a bright future, and we don't want to ruin that with a criminal conviction' shite - never mind the fact that he's ruined some poor woman's entire life.

I’d have done exactly what you have done OP. I have a small circle of very good friends, we know each other inside out and any of us would do the same for each other, it’s the right thing to do. You’ve handled it well.
Feeling for you both this morning, how unpleasant.

Also shocked by some of the responses… im
glad those people aren’t my friends!

She should be worried about losing you as a friend as her boyfriend is sexually harassing you. The focus should be on what she does to maintain her friendship with you, not the other way around!

All the posters suggesting OP minimise or avoid telling her what happened to avoid “drama” are unbelievable. I’d be mortified if my partner behaved badly towards a friend and would feel somewhat responsible for bringing him into their lives.

You are absolutely right to have told your friend and hopefully this will be the catalyst she needs to finish with him. Would I report to the police? It depends on the latter. If I thought she was going to finish with him and cut all contact, then I would. But if she stays and he's then the subject of a police investigation, how will that impact her? Do they have kids together?

I think right now I'd view and decide everything through a prism of what it might mean to her.

I think you need to raise your standards if you think this is perfectly fine. A get out clause because "They were drunk"!!?? FFS 🤦‍♂️🙄

Is he controlling???
I wonder if he’s done it deliberately so she cuts you off….

I can’t believe someone would really be that stupid to just send a pic in the hope you will respond ‘oh god I thought you’d never ask YES let’s meet up’

…unless there is more backstory…

Don't do this. You legally might be on dodgy ground (revenge porn). I would just show her your phone.

Apart from the fact that things have moved on this is a stupid idea because sending the image initially or forwarding it are both illegal.

Some folks will absolve men of any behaviour-
IT's your fault because you're contactable.
My poor little diddums was drunk.
Blah blah blah.
You've done nothing wrong amd I'm sorry you've had the misfortune of being harassed by this predator 💐.

I'd assume this wasn't for me in the circumstances you've mentioned. I'd let him know you'll be telling her if he doesn't.

Exactly! Why do women do that!!!!

I think this is the best way. Let's her know and she can make her own mind up. The main thing is she will be aware.

Well done, OP for doing the right thing here. I think you have handled it admirably.
im sad to say I’m not shocked by the amount of posters excusing or minimising his behaviour.