To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

I'd also add, when you're WFH, you should be taking about. 5 minute screen break every hour or so. That's a great time to push the hoover round one room, swap the washing over, wipe a cloth round the sink, stick some bleach down the loo, wipe the benches down whilst waiting for the kettle etc. one task per little screen break.
If your job doesn't allow this, and you're genuinely in meetings all day, I'd consider starting to stagger the meetings by 5 mins, just to allow yourself to get up and stretch, take the screen break etc.

Also if you're in a meeting where you don't have to contribute much, take it on mute with headphones on (ideally on a phone), and job on whilst listening. Washing, kitchen and bathroom cleaning, dusting etc could all happen during a meeting, if it's not a really important one with a presentation or requiring lots of contribution from you.

Also, try to make use of 'dead time', whilst you're waiting for other stuff - kettles on empty the dishwasher or wipe benches, kids playing in the bath clean the sink, fish fingers in the oven get the washing up done, ten minutes til you need to leave the house get the washing folded. Any time you'd usually get your phone out and have a scroll on social media spend five minutes instead doing a quick job. May be an idea to make a list of quick jobs and putting it somewhere so you don't have to think about what needs done during this time.

I'd also consider thinking about what you eat for dinner to try to free up some time. Is there a meal you'd be happy to swap for a weekly frozen pizza or quick traybake or oven tray meal, to then free up some time whilst it's in the oven and generate less washing up in the process? Clean the kitchen whilst it's cooking, then wash the tray and plates straight after.

I feel you. I’m much the same and I have a very present domesticated husband and a cleaner twice a week. The way we are expected to work and parent in the modern world is unhinged. Let your standards drop, who cares no one is going to drop dead because of a scuzzy bathroom sending love xx

Practical advice.
Try spending 30 minutes a day on one room. Set a 30 min timer. Tidy, wipe/dust, hoover/wash floor. Next day, another 30 mins on another room.
Then maybe 10 mins a day to wipe/clean kitchen. And bathroom 10 min every other day? A timer helps. X

PS genuinely it is impossible to do it all when working and having children

the only reason I have a vaguely clean house is weekly cleaner

No, look, we are all different. I also would love to be organised like the other poster, but in a household of neurodivergent people it’s just not going to happen.

I mean, sure, we can aim for a loose routine. But if constantly checking the time to see if it’s time for the next step in the routine yet is driving you MAD , then maybe let go of the routine a bit , is what I’m suggesting . I have ADHd by the way, and I just NEED that hour to myself at night, otherwise I go slightly mad. If I do more tidying after bedtime I end up going to bed later as just need the unwind time. So that can be done sometimes but now always (otherwise sleep debt = grumpy mama).

I have 2 primary aged boys - we both work FT. No cleaner. DH does do a fair bit of housework though. Kids are neurodivergent and find it hard to go to sleep at night so chores have to be done while they are still awake.

In the week we mostly just try and stay on top of laundry, dishwasher/kitchen surfaces and general clutter during the week. Any serious cleaning happens on Saturday morning (which takes much less time if we've dealt with the clutter in the week) while DC watch some TV or play, then I take them out afterwards.

DC do have baths every night as it helps wind them down - I get through a lot of jobs like folding laundry, prepping uniforms and tidying upstairs while they are in the bath. They are old enough that I only need to be nearby, not in the room with them.

Tbh we've given up repeatedly trying to get DC to stay in bed. Once teeth, stories etc are done, as long as they are in bedrooms (if it's their own rooms its a bonus) and not on screens, we leave them to crack on with playing and stuff until they go to bed. That gives us a bit more time to sort downstairs out without them making more mess.

OP don't sacrifice your one hour of evening, its vital for your wellbeing.

Now I work less than full time and have a cleaner but that’s not helpful for you at the moment. Just saying that this is the reason my house is clean and tidy, it’s not a secret, it’s not magic. However, when the kids were little, I used to do these things that might help:

• if working from home after school drop off I spend 15/20 mins cleaning (in exchange for lunch at my desk). Set a timer! Quick blitz, as much as you can do. Normally the kitchen (everything in dishwasher, wipe surfaces, hoover).
• in the evening when the kids are in the bath, I would be in there with them but I’d clean the bathroom. Empty the bin, put a new bag in, clean the mirror, bleach the loo, wipe everything down (obv couldn’t do the bath). Oh on this point, keep the cleaning products and cloths you need in the room you use them in rather than in a cupboard in the kitchen for example.
• everyone makes their own bed in the morning
• kids put toys away at the end of the day - this starts 30 mins before bedtime so no rushing around and then leaving it all out cos it got too late
• something has to give so I didn’t do a lot of cooking during the week but I would try to batch cook at the weekends (nothing elaborate, just double the quantities when you’re cooking)

I think the majority of people who work full time and live in large houses have cleaners. I work part-time, live in a small house and still have a cleaner come every fortnight.

I would get up an hour early for the next month and declutter / clean a room at a time.

Clean the shower immediately after/before your shower. Clean the bathroom while kids are in the bath.

Never put something down to put away later. Do it immediately.

This summer holidays use up kids craft sets / science kits. Plan teh next few months around those toys - use them up and then get rid of them. If not used by end of November get rid / donate to charity / church fete / school raffle so people can buy as gifts.

One thing that helps me is hang washing onto hangers wet and don’t iron. Shake, hang immediately. Don’t overfill the machine and you will find very little needs ironing. Then hang on the line (on hangers) grouping by person or hang in the house (mine is large enough not to get damp) and you can put away quickly into the wardrobe. I hang everything including T-shirts and jumpers rather than fold in drawers.

Would you consider a reset week, @ComeOnNowww ?
I have to do this occasionally but I have noticed that habits are starting to form that avoid the house slipping back too horribly.
So for one week you grit your teeth and you forsake the wine and telly and you spend 45-minutes to one-hour in one room each night and you get it sorted starting from the worst/least favoured taks:
Monday - Bathroom
Tuesday - Kitchen
Wednesday - Living room
Thursday - Dining room
Friday - Bedroom
Saturday (during the day) - DD's room (with DD, but she's 3 so it is slow going!)
Sunday - Pantry/Porch/Hallway clutter

Now, I have a standard 3-bed semi so the Mega Week works for me, but it does require every adult to be functioning and actually support it.
My DH is bloody hopeless at cleaning (unless it is his record shelf!) but he gets given his orders too. On Mega Week he has to make the lunches, prep the coffee machine for the morning, and handle any wake up interruptions from DD during my cleaning hour*. If the house is not on fire and everyone still has all their limbs, I do not accept any interruptions during that hour.
Sometimes this means that I have to negotiate with DH about how Mega Week happens i.e. if he has plans on a couple of evenings, I'll hold fire for those evenings or just wait and start it the following Monday. I try not to be horrible about it, but the WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS WHEN IT IS DONE! OMG.
I won't lie, I notice things slipping, but it is so much easier to get yourself into a routine of:
Monday - 10 min bathroom refresh etc. when the place is not an absolute tip to begin with.

*Editing because I can see your DH is a chocolate teapot. I am so sorry he is so useless OP. If you really don't think he will help you out with the kids at the very least, this will be trickier because I am sure if they kids could just stay in their rooms, they would. In which case, you might want to spread this over 2 weeks and just aim for 20 - 30 mins in an evening. Even if you have to do it in two separate 10 min sprints.

Good luck OP xx

Have you investigated a melatonin prescription for the kids. Over tiredness makes our 8 year old very hyper, children react differently to adults to lack of sleep. I would get the prescription and have them take it with whatever their last snack is. Then get them into bath, PJ’s, teeth, stories - at those ages I would expect both to be asleep by 8pm latest. You are missing hours of adult time by sounds of things? No wonder you’re struggling. On the rare occasions we allow our child to stay up late, they usually get up very early as their sleep cycle is shortened and they are a mix of grumpy and hyper all day.

It’s incredibly difficult but you have to do the following IMO:

• wake up at 6/6.30am at least on weekdays
• 3 nights of the week you have to spend the last hour of the day catching up on chores before your head hits the pillow
• get a cleaner for minimum 2 hrs a week (even if just to do bathrooms)
• even with a cleaner you need a dedicated weekend afternoon each month to deep clean the house; given you have a large house that can be certain rooms on rotation
• every 6 months do a big clear out where you chuck out/give away/sell items you no longer use

it sucks but day you’ll have an empty nest and you’ll miss these busy days.

My friend had primary age boys, too… they sparked each other off, constantly fighting, breaking each others stuff & generally feral.
She was at the end of her rope.
One evening her Dad had come round to fix something, and couldn’t believe their behaviour at bedtime, with the running around yelling etc.
Henwent upstairs and basically lost his shit at them! He told them he’d be round every evening to check on them ( he wasn’t - but it worked!) and lectured them on respect for their Mum, respect for theirs and each others toys, their home, just read them the riot act.
It 100% worked.
Maybe time to lose your shit, OP?

Could you spare 15 to 20 minutes to blitz a room, when the kids have finally gone to sleep? Set a timer on your mobile and don't do more than that. Do a different room every evening, until you've eventually caught up with things?

I know it's tedious, but just doing a little bit will make a difference.

If you can't afford a cleaner which I think if you both work full time is a necessity try following the Organised Mum method, shes on Instagram and has an app.
I'd also be getting up earlier and wfh making sure I have a lunch how and get jobs in between both of these. I think most working mums unfortunately operate on about 6 hours sleep :-(
I'd also be giving the boys jobs, my 11 year old can now be quite helpful!

Honestly? Slightly older kids (older primary and early secondary), weekly cleaner, husband who pulls his weight, kids who also help with chores/tidy away their stuff, 6am starts (5.30am in this weather) and every time I walk into a room I put something away.

You are a good Mum. You are doing a really great job working full time and keeping your boys happy, fed,clean and busy.

My advice would be to introduce one thing to sort something that's annoying you..the shower mould was mentioned. Get a spray and use it once a week with a handled kitchen scrubber. Only do it for ten minutes a week but make it a non-negotiable. When that's ingrained and doesn't feel like you have to plan it then pick another one.

Your last hour of the day is self-care, keep that for you. No point having a clean house if you lose yourself trying to manage it all. It will get easier.

My recommendation is to lower your standards. If you can get to the end of the day and say ‘everyone fed, no one dead’ then you deserve that glass of wine. This two shall pass - two rambunctious boys will become less rambunctious as time goes on.

It sounds like a normal day. I used to do this, but with a 3 hour commute thrown in 3 days a week when I had to be up to leave the house at 5:30am.

Where you’re going wrong is not getting more done post-dinner. If kids are in school, they are old enough to shower without your assistance. This should give you at least 30 minutes to tidy the kitchen and do all the evening jobs. I do nothing after my dc are in bed other than read and go to sleep as it all gets done before.

Also this 10:30pm wine and telly habit. No wonder you’re struggling. Cut that out. Getting rid of the drinking was key to me waking up and feeling ready to tackle the day.

I do all of this, plus I run mine to activities in the evening til 9pm, AND I have advanced cancer, and I don’t feel like it’s hard.

I think you're doing amazing considering the circumstances. You are operating as a single parent while also having the inconvenience of the man child kicking around. The only reason my house isn't disgusting is because my husband is very tidy and we have a weekly clean. Maybe look at paying for a deep clean occasionally?

Don't waste your money buying bits of kit. Pay somebody a one off to get things under control. Pay them to come every week. Start getting the children to do basic tasks.

Have a little chat with your boys and explain that they have to get themselves dressed in the morning without fuss, no going downstairs until dressed. They layout their clothes at night with help from you and they spend 10 minutes every evening helping you with a tidy up. They are to help clear the table after each meal or at least bring their plates/cutlery/glass to the sink. If they do this without fuss, then there will be an outing/a treat or the like at the weekend - if they don't, then nothing.

I think one of the biggest things with young kids is to have a rule that all meals/snacks are eaten at the kitchen table - means there is no food mess/spills in other rooms/on the sofa, etc. Also to encourage them to today their toys as they go, take off their shoes as they come into the house and out on designated spot, same with coat and bags.

I'm a firm believer in children helping around the house and doing their bit from a young age.

When they are in the bath, use that time to sort bathroom - maybe the wash hand basin and surrounding area one night, the shower another, etc.

Keep a roll of bin bags up stairs and fill at least one a week. A bag for the charity shop/clothes non and the and one for refuse disposal for broken items, etc. Do the same with downstairs - pick a cupboard, shelf, table-top, drawer or wardrobe and give yourself ten minutes to sort, if you don't get it finished in 10 minutes, go at it again another day. Don't keep anything 'in case you'll need it one ra or because it cost ££z. Get rid and free up space for what you do need/use. Now is not the time for selling on Vinted - get anything that is not being used out the door in the quickest and hassle free way.

Or/and set a timer each evening for 10 minutes and focus on cleaning one area - it could be anything from dusting skirtings or furniture/polishing mirrors/clearing crap from a table/washing a floor. All the 10 minutes add up.

Look after yourself, it sounds like you have a lot going on.

I’m the same and I don’t know how other women do it and have immaculate homes.

I do -
Speed cleaning 🧼
So I set a timer in each room (15 minutes) and do as much as I can.

Doom Piles - again - set a timer ⏱️ Even 5 minutes can clear a fair bit.

Basics - My basics are -
Put a load of laundry on
Dishes-done
Worktops clean

Bathrooms -
Clean sink
Clean toilets

Bedrooms -
Beds made
Bedside cabinets clean

Living room -
I like this to be clean and tidy but it gets quickly trashed!
Wipe over sofas
Wipe tables
Sweep floor etc

Could you afford a cleaner? 🧼

As others have said, it’s a priority to divorce your “D”H.

outside of that, as depressing as it is, you may need to just take a day annual leave and really blitz the house.

It’s really hard but brutal declutter makes a huge difference, then making sure everything has a clear home this prevents mess from building up as it’s easy to put everything away. Hire a cleaner and one wash load on and put away per day. You need a home that’s easy to run among the craziness of everyday life.